Before Getting Engaged...Married?

Question

What are some general topics/good questions you should discuss before getting engaged/married?
-Children?
-Living situation? (Especially if his job may relocate him out of the country after 3 years...)
-Finances?
-Family issues (ex: taking care of elderly parents)

Answer 1

There are a ton of different books on this that have great questions. I suggest looking at Amazon. There is 101 Questions to Ask Yourself by Sylvanus Milne Duvall. The ADD version of 7 questions to ask yourself by by Leslie Parrott. 101 Questions by Sidney J. Smith. Before you Marry Ask the Tough Questions by Susan S. Levine. Before Tying the Knot by Roberta Cava. Don't you Dare Get Married before you read this by Corey Donaldson. Michael J. Beck's 365 Questions for Couples.

My favorite is 100 Essential Questions to Ask before you say I do by Susan Piver. Sylvanus Milne Duvall's would be a really good one as well though. I'd recommend one or 2 of those books.

Some questions are about retirement. Would you want to live in city/rural? How far from our family would you want to live? Some are about what your ideal job would be (working together?). Who's job is more important? If I got relocated, would you quit? Is there a big ticket item that you couldn't imagine never achieving (owning a boat, having traveled Europe, owning your own business)?

Those books are excellent resources though and are questions that couples really don't think to ask each other (instead of the traditional how many children do you want). You are one of the few brides that are really taking the time to think about your marriage for the rest of your life and not just the wedding day. Proof that you've got your priorities straight.

Answer 2

There are lots more than those, other big topics like religion and morals, if you will raise your children in a faith, if you have different religions what will you be doing...
Ethnicity - if there are cultural traditions, how will you adapt to one another's, such as celebrating holidays, etc.
Children - there are many subtopics to this - not only whether or not you will have children - but what happens if you cannot have children, what then? Will you be willing to adopt? How about a child of a different race? Are you interested in going high-tech if you can't conceive? What if you find out during your pregnancy that your child has Down's or a serious disability - what would each of you do? What if you just have no children, are you willing to just stay married as a couple? I think a lot of these questions are the biggest ones, because many of them also involve finding out the other's ethics and morals.
Work - how important is a career to you? Would you consider being a SAHM? Are you willing to give up having "stuff" to raise your children yourself? Would you be totally willing to follow him when he is transferred for his job?
Find out about past medical history too - any STDs, hereditary conditions, etc.
Premarital counselling usually covers a lot of these - read some books as well.

Answer 3

There is a book called 101 questions to ask before you get engaged (sold at christian bookstores, but most questions don't focus on God so much as on important things in marriage). My now husband and I went through it and it was AMAZING because it covered all kinds of things you wouldn't think of...definatly finances, jobs, etc. But also things like, do you want to have kids? What if you can't? Would you adopt? Would it be a baby or a grown child? Would you consider adopting from another race? I HIGHLY suggest that book.

Answer 4

I believe that finances is usually a very important topic, that causes so many problems even from the time you start planning a wedding and I think that it is one of the biggest reasons for divorce.

Children is definitely another important one, because if one of you is looking forward to having children and the other, has absolutely no want to have any then there is no reason to be together, because that is usually a deal breaker.

Answer 5

There seems no rhyme or reason to these things. Just attempt to get an answer from the Yahoo team and you will be waiting for at least 3 months for an answer to your email. Its best just to accept it is just a just a computer generator programme and the Hamster or Yamster as he is called is not real. That was the news that nearly broke my heart!.

Answer 6

Religious beliefs, schooling for the kids, once you have them do you stay at home until they go to school. Vacations how often do you plan to take them? Willingness to go through premarital counseling.

Answer 7

of course you shouls discuss expectations. what you want and expect out of married life and out of eachother.

Answer 8

everything you said plus:

religious beliefs
sex...especially if you are waiting until marriage
make sure you all can have fun together.
Past relationships
Goals