I found out my step-son who is 14 has been sniffing precscription meds, drinking, and smoking pot. and I am upset with him for many reasons but because of his habit and new cool friends he brought this into our home and encouraged my 14 year old son to try pot and sniff pills. I am angery at both of them, my son was honest when we ask and the step-son tried lying until he knew he was busted. I care for my step-son and I don't want anything to happen to him but now I am afraid I can not have the same relationship because he brought this into the home and I feel he is somewhat responsible for putting my son in the situation. I know my son made his own decision but I can hear my step-son calling him pussy and every other word there is. I don't want to have hatered or be angry with my step-son, I am very dissappointed in my son and feel deep in my heart he knows he did wrong and won't let this happen again. My step-son I don't feel he is taking any of it serious.
2007-05-29 08:38:56 · 16 answers · asked by true2b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband and I were together during all questions to the boys. each of them separate then both of them together. We tried to be careful as how to handle the situation in case one may be hooked on it. My son admitted he only done it 2 times, the step-son says he had been doing it over a month. I am trying to focus on not being angry at him, I was in tears and there was no emotion from him what so ever. I feel we have failed as parents, my husband said there were signs with his son but he didnt want to believe it. As far as my relationship with my step-son we are close and I am trying real had not to single him out and I haven't but I find myself more angry with him. As far as punishment we only punished the step-son because he lied. which was not a hard punishment, he is grounded for two weeks and his computer has been taken away. My son I suggested a punsihment but my husband felt he was honest and we all need to work through this together as a family.
2007-05-29 09:18:49 · update #1
you and her husband need to sit down with both of them and talk everything out...that way atleast of the the real parent is there and the kids know that your not just picking on one of them..good luck
2007-05-29 08:42:27 · answer #1 · answered by kauaichic420 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If this were a child of your own who brought it into the house to his siblings and not a step child, would you feel the same way? I'm only asking because you need to get to the root of what you are feeling. What if your son had brought it into the house and influenced your step son? Would you be as angry with him or more forgiving? At this point, I think you need to put aside the thoughts of blame. The damage is done as far as drugs being introduced to your son (if this was actually the 1st time). The next step is to get tough with both boys equally - same punishment, same rules, same restrictions. If you punish them differently, you will only damage your relationship with your step son and drive him further into his outside group of friends. Next step is family counseling. Your step son will see that you are serious when he finds himself sitting in front of a counselor with your husband and your son. Please make sure you let them BOTH know that you are angry with them both because you love them both and you don't want to see them go down the wrong road, that they BOTH have so much potential and tell them BOTH the ill effects that drugs will have on their lives. Equal discipline and equal love will get you and your two boys through this. Your husband needs to be right there with you sharing the same strategy so I hope he is supporting you on this. Best of luck to you and your family.
2007-05-29 08:50:30 · answer #2 · answered by Jbuns 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i understand your anger...but don't be naive..just because he is your son and that is your step-sonn should not make a difference. they should both be punished the same. just cause the step-son doesn't react the same way is because you arent either. he is doing the same as you....oh well if it was my real mom it would be different..blah blah blah. just like you said with your son. don't be a fool. your son could go right out and do the same thing with friends he made himself or a girlfriend he met, there are a hundred different ways your son could have gotten the drugs or alchol and brought back home with him in your house. even if it was the stepson, he deserves the same punishment. once you start holding anger or resentment the children will pick up on it. if u treat one different than the other they will pick up on it. believe me i know. please don't alienate the stepson because of your anger. and please don't treat your biological son better and with more trust either. he could of easily let you down by being the instigator, but he is young. give it time there is still high school and there will be plenty more drugs and drinking to come...don't think he wont't try it again!
2007-05-29 08:48:59 · answer #3 · answered by michelle b 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In no way am I trying to down play what happened, it is serious and needs to be dealt with, however, it is obvious that you are singling out your step son. Trust me when I say, he knows how you feel about him. When you married his father, you chose to be a part of his sons life by default. Both children were wrong, but take a closer look at how you behave toward your step child. Kids are not stupid, and I know from experience how it feels when a step parent is just dealing with you because they married the other parent. Perhaps you should change your attitude toward your step son and maybe he would take what you say more seriously.
2007-05-29 08:46:57 · answer #4 · answered by sleepingliv 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sorry but it sounds to me like you have a double standard goin on here. Of course your bond is stronger with your son than it is with your step son but you are giving your son an escape goat. You should dicipline both of these boys in the same manner and not let your own child pull the wool over your eyes here, as he is doing. He did not have to go along with this and he should no better than to give into the peer pressure. If your step-son told him to jump off a cliff would he?? Come on. I really think your son has you fooled here.
2007-05-29 08:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by misbotta 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to talk to the step-son with the father and you together. Let them know that is not how you want YOUR son to turn out to be. If he wants to be a no good pothead, then that's his choice. Let them both know your son will not go in that path and you are not happy that he was introduced into this lifestyle and you won't have it. Is there anywhere your son could go and live for awhile? I mean like grandparents, cousins or good friends? This situation happened with my sisters two sons. At that age their dad allowed them to hang around these type of people. Straight A's, honor roll and almost geniuses--all shot to hell. They are crackheads and look like demons. I don't want you son to turn out this way. Stop it before it really gets out of hand. If you need help, call some drug counseling facility and see if you can get some help. I will keep you in my prayers. Tough love is needed.
2007-05-29 08:47:22 · answer #6 · answered by beaddiva 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
get your step son some help. Sign him up for a program like AADAC. If he's doing this sort of thing now god knows what the possibilities will be as he gets older - pretty scary. He needs help and I hope that you can get it for him.
It was very mature of your son to come clean about something like that with you, it shows trust - reward him for his honesty. I certainly hope he doesn't do it again.
Kids these days are doing some pretty strange things. Keep your meds (all) locked up and don't tell them about it. You can help keep them safe by keeping meds out of reach.
It might be worth it for your step son to head off to boot camp for some discipline.
I just read your additional details and I really believe you and your husband are on the right track. Just wanted to add that...
2007-05-29 08:46:13 · answer #7 · answered by JD 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The only difference in your relationship with either boys should be one of trust. This they will have to re-earn. And you need to put the "shackles" on your step-son (and his father should seriously step in to let him know that you are united on this) and restrict his activities and his friends. And punish him accordingly, and if he violates your punishment and/or trust again the consequences should be serious. Let him know that you mean business and that this behavior is acceptable!
14 is not to early to start an intervention program with him either.
2007-05-29 08:45:47 · answer #8 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you should get your step-son some therapy or put him into a rehab. Treat him like he's your own son and get him some help. You probably won't have the same relationship, but if you get some help for him now, then he will thank you later (in the long run). I hope I helped. =) Good luck with everything.
2007-05-29 08:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by hottnsexy1990 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I know you are angry at your step son but your son followed. You have to make sure he doesn't do it with strangers. Tell your stepson if he doesn't stop he isn't allowed to step foot in your house. Tell his mother that he is doing that stuff. You have to put a an end to this. Its not funny at all. You have to punish your son for following someone else. Please try to fix your family. They are still young.
2007-05-29 08:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by scoopie110 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
maybe a good start is family counseling. I think the counselor would agree that for your step son rehab is a great start
2007-05-29 08:50:32 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋