What do you tell a friend who's dating the wrong guy?

Question

I have a friend who is dating the wrong guy. He's homeless and sleeps in her car, he swears excessively, he has no money and is borrowing money from her. He has yet to pay her back. This would all be fine if he did not have a bad history. This guy has a really bad record and can't even go to the high school prom because it's so bad. He's been in situations with guns. He's sexually assaulted someone. He's doing carpentry right now and not in college(I don't have a problem with people not going to college but he's really not doing anything with his life.)

In the end he's just the completely wrong guy for my friend and she does not want to realize it? So what do I say to her? Please don't answer with one liners like "Tell her how you feel lolZ!!!". What should girls be looking for in a guy normally?

Answer 1

well you have anwsered your own question, you can only share whats on your mind and hope it works out, sometimes people have to be burned in order to learn

Answer 2

Tell your friend you love her and she has many people in her life who are concerned and love her as well. Let her know how it makes you feel to see her in this situation because you believe she deserves better and that she doesn't have to compromise just to say she has someone in her life. Reassure her you will be there for her.
You are on shaky ground just do not attack her or her choices she most likely is aware that it is not a good choice, perhaps you can offer some options hang out in some new places that may create an opportunity to meet a nice, working and goal orientated man that all women want. I personally have and looked for someone who could add to my life spiritually, emotionally and financially. He protects and provides with love for me and our children, we support each other this should be the goal. So I would say girls should look for an addition not a subtraction. Add to what you have in all aspects of your life. Not just in one area.

Answer 3

This guy does sound like really bad news. Unfortunately your friend obviously sees something in him that is attracting her to him. I think that if you tell her that's she's dating the wrong guy that she will resent you. If you are trying to be a helpful friend you should just say that you are concerned about her relationship with him and ask her about him. But pay attention to the difference here, if you tell her this guy is a jerk she won't want to talk to you but if you address the issue in a more sensitive manner you are more likely to get a better response. People don't like to hear the truth and will push away from those who try to force it upon them. She's going to have to learn from her mistakes in this situation.
Also, I am a little confused here, are you interested in this girl for yourself? If so, why haven't you told her when she wasn't dating someone else?

Answer 4

This is tricky. It's really hard to try and tell someone what is good for them, especially when it's a love relationship. You can tell her all you want that he's bad for her, but until she sees it with her own eyes and expieriences it herself, she will not learn nor take your advice. That's just what happens. All you can do is hope that things work out the best for her.

Now if he's doing really illegal things or beating her, then that's when you take an extra step. Tell someone with autority to take care of it. As much as your friend might get mad, she will eventually have to realize that you love her and care about her and are just trying to do what is best for her.

Answer 5

I was going to reply who are you to judge if he is apropriate or not, but after reading the info, it gave me goose bumps...

The signs are all over the place, she is blind and this is how she wants to be. If you keep nagging her about who she's dating, eventually you'll grow distant, and God knows she's gonna need you when the floor beneath her feet is gone. All your opinions and thoughs, she knows this, not because you've told her, but because the signs are so obvious. It is up to one to decide how much you want to take before you learn the lesson.

Unfortunately she seems to want to learn the hard way, and there is only so much you can do. You can't force her or convince her of dumping this guy, all you can do is be there for her when the s*** hits the fan...

I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I have been in similar situations, both yours and your friends, and we have to understand that we are friends, not mothers or law enforcers, and as friends, it is our duty to tell our loved ones when they are wrong, but it is also our duty to sit and watch when they insist on getting beaten by life to learn their lessons, even if it hurts us more to watch than it does them.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You need to do somethin but by sounds of it you fancy her yourself and usually i'd say leave her to it it's her mess but you obviously care about her and if i'm wrong about the fancying part just show her what this guy could do to her and how he'll mess up her life and if that doesn't work get intouch with her parents i mean they should care and if I'm right ask her out and show her who can give her the better life ie. you.

Answer 7

ok my best friend finnaly got out of this 3 year relationship with this guy who assualted two chics, didnt finish school, horrible with money, similar situation... i had been trying to get her to leave for over 2 years.... the only thing you can really do is tell her you dont think the guy is right for her and explain with his actions... other then that you're not going to be able to change the fact she's with him.... you need to stop worrying about whats wrong for her until she relizes it herself your wasting your own time stressing about something thats really none of your buisness... take it from me this is what i had to do... sooner or later she will relize what the hell she is doing and ask what took me so long... its one of those things with our friends we cant control....

Answer 8

its hard telling people the truth when they dont want to hear or see it especially if its a friend. if she wont listen to u now then maybe she just has to find out for herself or she just doenst want to hear it. y did she get with him if he doesnt have ne thing in the first place? that doesnt seem like a smart idea.

Answer 9

You have to let her know what is going on. She is going to go into debt over him as well as being sucked into falling in love with him. I know someone who this happened to and it did not end the way people would want it to.

Answer 10

Unfortunately, all you can do is share your opinion then drop it. The rest is up to her. If she continues to date him, she'll eventually realize she's making a mistake. If you continue to bring it up, it make make her resistant and she'll try to prove you wrong at all cost. This is something she'll have to find out on her own.