severe behavioral problems since I had my new baby, which is 6 months old now. I'm not sure what to do. He was the only grandchild until I had my other baby. I'm a single mother. He hits me, my friends and family. I'm at my wits end. I don't know what else to do. I've tried taking things away from him, I've spanked him. I've put him in the corner. It seems as if nothing works. I'm starting to think he may even have A.D.D. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have any advice? Thanks!!
2007-05-29 07:06:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
your child doesn't have severe behavioral issues, he is looking for attention. Most children strike out when a new baby comes along. You have to ask yourself...
Is the only attention he getting from me negative?
Is he acting out to get my attention?
Hitting should never be tolerated, but his world has been turned upside down and he can't sit down and talk to you about it rationally.
My son had problems when our daughter came along...I discovered that when the baby was napping I could spend time with just him. I introduced board games like Candy Land, and we did puzzles. My husband and I bought him a V-smile game console. I discovered that he loves playing games. Word games, board games, mazes, math. He eats it up. The first thing that leaves for the day if he is bad is his game time. He becomes distraught over the thought that the games are gone and begs and pleads for them to come back. But I do not give him back the priviledge of the games until the next day. And we start fresh the next day.
Maybe you need to find something that your son loves to do and make it a reward for good behavior, or a punishment for bad. Taking the focus off of the baby and back on to him. He had you to himself for 4 years. He just wants to get some of that attention back.
2007-05-29 07:23:57 · answer #1 · answered by letmebethe_one1998 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your child wasn't hyper before the baby I wouldn't even consider A.D.D. You say you have tried everything but it sounds as if you are trying maybe one or two times and then going to something else. This doesn't work. Stick with time outs, removing him from situations, and taking away favorite toys or outings. Do let him help you with the baby. He can get diapers, help feed , or play. Usually if you involve the child with the baby they lose the jealousy a lot sooner and creat a close bond. Siblings 4 years apart seem to have the most problems with bonding. Make sure you are stilll doing the things with him that yu were before the baby was born. Reading stories, bedtime rituals, bathtimes, mealtimes, and playtimes, it's all very important to them and they do not alwasys adjust to change well, hence the acting out. Just be calm and patient. If you have support from the father or your parents or siblings, or friends don't be afraid to ask them to watch him so you can have a break and it gives him a break and special attention too.
2007-05-29 08:00:59 · answer #2 · answered by baddt1999 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will behave how you allow him to behave. A.D.D has nothing to do with it. He is acting out for attention. With all the discipline attempts, he is getting your attention. Remember to stand firm to your rules and guidelines. Stop the bad behavior the moment it starts and don't give up. If he misbehaves put him in timeout (somewhere you can see him). Make him sit there for 4 minutes (his age). Do not speak or coddle him. If he gets up but him back, and restart the time without speaking. When he has sat there for 4 minutes with no hassle explain what was wrong with his behavior and make him apologize. Then go on with your day without holding a grudge. Good luck --- Remember he is acting this way because you are allowing it and it is giving him the attention he is hoping for (even if it is negative he still has your attention) !
2007-05-29 09:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by meedebi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My son is 2 and I also have a 9 month old. We are going through the SAME thing. Everyone I'm around tells me that he's not getting enough attention. It's so hard with 2 but I am trying harder. I notice that if I give him more attention he acts better. You're not alone! Try and give him more attention and see what happens. Maybe take him out to do something just you and him once a week? Good luck I know how hard it is!
2007-05-29 09:17:46 · answer #4 · answered by flyaway 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Set aside more time(where you can find it!) and JUST spend it with him. He's acting out because he's in desperate need of attention....he just needs more. Whatever you can do to make that happen...do it. Maybe you can get someone to watch the baby for 2 hours on the weekend and you and your son spend time playing a game or something. If you can't do that, then spend an extra 15 min at night with him. Also, let him "help" you with the baby. Get a stool so he can help change the diaper or help give a bath...something where he can feel like a "big boy" and task oriented so he feels like he's making you proud. Of course, always praise him for the good, nice things he does. Good luck!
2007-05-29 09:02:41 · answer #5 · answered by emrobs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First. Take him to see his doctor. Explain fully what is going on. He may tell you it is just a phase that he 'll grow out of.
That's what my son's doctor told me. He is 3 years old and
a little monster. If he gets told no, that he can't do something,
he'll stomp his feet, scream, throw himself on the florr and bang his head and kick his feet. If you take something away from him that he isn't supposed to have, he'll punch, kick, or bite you, while screaming "NO MINE" . He can climb over any baby gate they make. He has figured out how to open child proof cabinet and drawer locks. I am a stay at home mom because he got kicked out of 4 daycare centers for fighting with other children. He refuses to potty train.
He throws fits for no reason whatsoever that we can fathom,
becoming extremely violent.
We've tried time outs, taking away TV, taking away sweets,
taking away toys, etc. So far, nothing has worked.
I haven't tried spanking, as I've heard that it is illegal in my state to spank a child for any reason.
My neighbors have a 4 year old daughter that acts pretty much the same way, so maybe it is normal.....
2007-05-29 08:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by txharleygirl1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, it is normal for your son to have some reaction to the new baby. Maybe he thinks he is being left out. Spend some quality time with him and maybe do a sticker chart! reward him everytime he does something good or take away a sticker if he does something naughty. Use a piece of card/cardbored and allow him to choose stickers! get him involved he is just feeling a bit insecure about the new baby.
2007-05-29 07:12:36 · answer #7 · answered by Cornish_Angel 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all the other posters are right, get some family members to stay w/the baby and spend some "alone" time w/him, when my daughter was born I spent at least an hour a day alone w/my son (they are 2yrs apart) just reading, playing at the park or going on a "special" shopping trip, it is important to do this not just now, forever, children are individual and need seperate attention:)
good luck!!
2007-05-29 08:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by Kelly N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was your "baby" until your other baby came along. He may be jealous of this little one. And, being 4 yrs. old, not know quite how to express it.
Please be sure that every day when the little one is sleeping, that you spend some one on one time with the 4 yr. old. That will help a lot. Take care.
2007-05-29 07:12:56 · answer #9 · answered by SAK 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NOOO! Dont freak, its normal. We have a word in Spanish for this' "chipi" kids get jealous of the new baby and start acting bad, some refuse to eat and get sick. It usually goes away once the kid gets used to the baby. Your kid will need extra attention. But some do need to see the doctor if they dont get better. It's like a depression for kids.
2007-05-29 07:13:22 · answer #10 · answered by Reyna 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋