rude parents?

Question

I have a 5 year old. For her happiness as well as mine, I hire a sitter when attending events that I don't deem to be child-friendly. I also don't frequent adult places when hanging out with her. It's unfair to her to expect a child of this age to sit through a lecture on modern art or sit for hours at a coffee house.

I moved to a new town and parents here seem to not to understand this. I go for date night at a nice sushi place and parents are screaming as their kids refuse to pipe down. I go to a coffee house with work and next to the college students are women with screaming infants and toddlers. I went to the grocery store this morning. A child of about four started throwing a terrible temper tantrum and the mother started swearing at him in the middle of the store. My daughter was in the cart and I simply did not know how to respond to this. What is the right way to deal with these rude parents? I've joked that I should just stop wasting money on sitters, but...

I don't consider a grocery store an "adult place." That experience is what made me come here. I have the general sense that parents who disrespect their children like that create disrespectful children. Look. There are lots of people in a store. Most parents walk around with their kids tantrum-free. I also don't think tantrums are appropriate after a certain age. My daughter would not dare and I take her at least once a week.

I'm not rich. A sitter does not have to cost an arm and a leg. There's a sweet girl next door who has a little sister of about 8 who adores Grace. She comes back feeling like the very mature big girl she wants to be, hot pink mani-pedi included. I pay $5 an hour for an average of about 4 hours a week.

I'm a newly single parent working f/t no less. My kid (and the kids of most people) manage to behave.

There are exceptions, but a rested child with parents who believe in discipline and expect good behavior will generally not experience these issue

Answer 1

Too bad you can't call nanny 911 for them. What happened to good parenting? I can't stand it! that's verbal abuse!! and where is the teaching in swearing at a child?? It's a chain, unfortunatly. I don't think she had good parenting either. Everything starts at home, including teaching your kids manners! Why is it so hard to understand that children want to be where the fun is...hm any adult place that is fun for kids?? Like i say , everything starts at home. If your kid can not sit a your dinning table and behave what makes you think he/she is going to behave else where. And if you are new to a place, go to playgroups, get to know moms and maybe you will find a place where your kids can have fun and you a time for yourselfs...We moms understand!!
It's a good thing you take time for yourself. Just hope you spend as much time with your kid too. It is best to leave frustated parents alone, unless you want to be yelled at...don't mind the language!

Answer 2

Unfortunately, with the rapidly rising cost of gasoline which is causing utility bills and groceries to increase in cost, as well,
many parents find themselves unable to afford to hire a sitter
when they need to run errands, such as grocery shopping.
I noticed that you mentioned that you had your daughter with you in the store, as well.
My son is 3 and my daughter 2. They both have a tendency to throw terrible temper tantrums. Usually it is because they want something they can't have because I can not afford to get it for them. Last time, it was a shiny rock star picture that
lit up that attracted my son's attention. They wanted $39.99 for the item.
Once in awhile, I can distract them with inexpensive toy or ball or shiny bag of chips to hold and carry around. But, it doesn't always work. While I don't swear at my 2 little monsters, I do
scold them in a loud voice, not that it does any good. It, usually, just leads to thee child or children raising their cries of displeasure to outright screams.
In that case, it is a rapid trip to the checkout where there is usually a line several people long.
With laws the way they are, today, a parent has very little options in the way of discipline. In some states it is illegal to spank a child for any reason. That's the case in my area.

Day care is so expensive here. $310 a week for 2 children the age mine are. I quit my job to be a stay at home mom because my take home was only $240 a week. The local day care centers do not offer hourly rates, around here. If you want to leave your children there for just an afternoon, you have to pay for the whole week up front.
If you can still afford a sitter, good for you. Most stay at home moms , in the real world can't afford one.
Unfortunately, I don''t have the option of having relatives close by that would provide child care for free. Our relatives live clear across the country.
Right now, we can't afford to move either, so that isn't an option.
If my husband and I can ever afford to have an afternoon out at
a coffee house or art lecture, or even McDonald's , we will certainly, seize the chance. And, yes, our little monsters will be there.
If you have a problem with that, I suggest you spend some of that extra money you have and lobby Congress to make childcare affordable for all. While you are at it , see if you can do something about changing the laws , so that it isn't illegal to discipline children properly.

Answer 3

well i have seen this too and as a mother of 4 at the age of 26 i have dealt first hand with this not everyone can get a sitter all the time from my experience if i cant get a sitter then i don't put off plans unless i know my kids would just hate it. my kids do love to go to the sushi restaurant and you cant always expect every young child to be perfect however i do feel yelling or swearing in public at your child is wrong and the way i deal with it is i will walk by and say hi to the child so that not only the parent sees that they are making a scene but the child gets distracted and chills. as for rude parents well i just feel sorry for the child

Answer 4

First off not everyone can afford the luxury of having a sitter for every time they need to go some where such as a coffee shop or whatever. That being said...I don't drag my child places that are obviously rude to take a child. For instance, the movies, where other parents think its ok to ruin something someone else paid to see by taking their kid. Bottom line you will never understand the reasoning behind most peoples actions and your best bet is just to steer clear of them. If it isn't avoidable (like the grocery store incident) then make sure you try to explain to your daughter that this is never ok. That's about all you can do. Good luck!

Answer 5

Well, there really isn't anything you can do. I understand that these parents should not act like that with their children but many parents do not have friends or family for sitters and cannot afford sitters. I am one, I take my kids with me everywhere even to the Dr's (sometimes) I don't go to coffee houses and sit for hours b/c, you are right, children cannot be expected to sit still for long. I also would rather spend my time with my children, doing things THEY like. If my children are acting up in a restaurant or store (which they rarely do but all kids do at times) I do not scream or yell or swear at them, I will leave if needed.
I don't really think there is anything you can do about how other parents act, though.

Answer 6

You can try to talk to them, but sometimes parents won't listen to criticism from people who are younger than them, especially their kids. Someone their age or older who they trust may have more luck if they won't listen to you. Just be respectful when you talk to your parents because that's part of having good manners. Continue to be a good example to them, it might just rub off on them. If people are offended, you can offer an apology on their behalf in private to smooth any ruffled feathers, but you don't need to feel embarrassed. It's not your fault. Also, different people have different ideas about what is rude and what isn't. They may just be innocently expressing their lively personalities or have outdated ideas they learned in childhood. If your parents mean well, have patience and they may learn. If they are deliberately mean, you might have to limit or cut off contact until they've changed, but that should be your last resort after giving them a chance. Whether they mean well or not, they may never change, so you should be prepared to accept that you can't do anything about it. Only they can control their behavior.

Answer 7

Sitters work for you but they don't necessarily work for everyone. Some people simpley don't have the money to hire one whenever they want to. I understand that you want date nights and such but if the restaurant allows young kids, then there is nothing you can do about it. I agree with some of the others when they say that the behavior of another person's child is none of your business. They have their way of raising their child and you have a way of raising yours. If you don't want to be bothered while on a date with your significant other, go somewhere where children are not allowed.

Answer 8

Take pride in the fact that you're a good parent.As far as the scene in the supermarket goes, tell your daughter that you're proud of her for NOT acting like that. My kids are invited to business functions with us all the time. We rarely take them. We pick and choose restraunts based o wether or not thay are child friendly. Keep hiring the sitter, sometimes I think having a sitter is better for kids anyway, it teaches children they have to listen to all adults, not just mom and dad.

Answer 9

It is unreasonable to expect every parent to behave as you would. I agree that it is difficult to deal with, but imagine how the parents feel when their child is being a terrorist in the middle of a resturant.

I myself have also move about 90 days ago and have no family and no friends as we moved across the country. Do you expect me to leave my children home to fend for themselves (ages 3 & 1) so I can go get a cup of coffee, just to accomidate someone who may be annoyed by my children. Or should I just sit alone in my house all day so that I don't offend anyone with my kids.

I do want to say I am not excusing the parent who cussed her child out in the store. That is verbal abuse and someone should have put her in her place. I am of the mind if my kids are going to do that I will just leave.

Answer 10

there are time to get a sitter, and time when you need to take your children with you.

Yes at grown up places, such as work, work related activities, parties for adults, and if the children are always bad at funerals and weddings.

as for grocery stores, coffee houses, restaurants, places where the family are together to do chores or to enjoy being together, No you should not get a sitter,

How are the children going to learn to be quiet at these places if they never go?

Yes the parents need to teach them the right and wrong way to act.
there are consequences for their actions.

If a parent wasn't taught when they were young how do you expect them to teach their children.

There should be class for families to learn together.

My opinion