Daughter 18 moves in with boy?

Question

If your daughter had about 5-6 car accidents started smoking, drinking & drinking coffee\sleeping all day to recover for the next party would you pay for her education? What if she moved in with a guy as well. She has not yet, or has she who knows she slept with him last night. all this at 18. She is taking one coarse over now so her summer to her may be ruined. The way things are going I am afraid for her & afraid to spend more on her. What to do as a dad?

Answer 1

I am 22 and I was like your daughter. I thought I was an adult and No one could tell me what to do. I moved in with my bf at the time started drinking and smoking. My parents were upset but I was hard headed and I wouldnt listen to them. Thye stopped paying my car insurance and they wouldnt pay for school so I decided I would work and could pay my own way but I realized fast that I couldnt. I came home and started school and then I met my now husband and got married and I have a 3 month old daughter. My hubby is 32 so he has a good job which allows me to finish school and stay at home with our daughter. We are happy and my parents are happy that they dont have to take care of me and i have stopped my wild ways to be a wife and mother. I think that suprised them the most. I appreciate my parents letting go and it taught me that life is hard and at the time I couldnt do it on my own and they helped me be responsable so let go!!

Answer 2

Well let me tell you the way it looks like from the teens side one: the 13 yr boys pot inducing must of put something in her head like tht maybe it didnt matter wat she does, she could get away with it two; it must have influenced the pot with 13 yr old i mean i know its hard to believe a younger child could influence a 18yr old girl but it can happen three: has there been anything going on like a recent death or problem at school i know you may have run thru these questions already but have you really looked into it, has there been no time spent together loneliness or relationships are the number 3 # reason why teens turn to pot and finally there maybe something yourdaughter might not have told you or someone she hasnt told someone and the only way to hide it is by numing it (just a guess there) i know tht the above explained is probably useless now cause shes in the third stage of pot inducment but the answer to the your question maybe in the reason if so the way to get your daughter back is in the reason but again shes eighteen now and the only thing parents can do is pray and hope tht there children can do good, many scenerious like urs i ve heard and the answer is never really clear but like ive repeated the reason pot inducement usually happens is the key to stopping and the recovery of a family member or child hope it helps and god bless

Answer 3

This actually makes me happy that I maybe able to help you. I'm 18. The fact that your a dad asking people for help makes me happy. I live with both my parents, but my dad is never and has never been there for me. He's an alcoholic, he's been there physically, but hasnt been there metally and emotionally. So as I've gown, I've done things to try and get his attintion, smoking, drinking, just so he could yell at me so I would know that he cares. I dont know you and your daughters relationship but if your not so close, or you havent really talked to her in a while, take her out to eat, take her fishing, do something with her and just talk to her. But I do think you should pay for her education, even if she moves out. So then she wont have a reason not to take the classes she want if money is an issue. If she does move out, still let her know your there for her. Dont close your door on her, but dont let her keep running back home if she does it again.
I hope I helped. Good luck.

Answer 4

My young people go through wild stages. That doesn't mean you should dump them completely. However she does need to learn some responsibility. Make sure she is working and paying for her vehichle and insurance and repairs and costs for the accidents.

If she doesn't go to school then the party stage may last even longer and be even more difficult to get out of. Help her pay for school, but make sure she is paying for some of it as well. She'll have more respect for the education if she has to pay some of it.

Answer 5

No matter what...LOVE HER! At the same time, don't be afraid to let her know she is wrong. She is 18 and therefor should be responsible for her actions. I can say this from experience with my step-daughter. At 15 yrs old she decided that she didn't want to follow the rules and went back to live with her mother (an alcohlic druggie). Shortly after moving out of state with "mom", "mom" kicked her out in the street. She decided she wanted to run her own life. She is now 18. She called shortly after her 18th b-day and asked to come home. She was pregnant. Knowing she was not doing very well in the survival department, we moved her back home. Two months later we moved her fiance up here too, and they got their own place. They went and applied for Soc Services. Now, because we live in NY, my husband has to pay child support to the county for her! In Ny, parents are responsible for their children until they are 21 yrs old. So now, because she decided to spread her legs at 17 with a 30 yr old, and we moved them up here to help her, my husband gets stuck with child support payments. I pray your situation doesn't turn around and bite you like ours did, but I still say, LOVE HER no matter what. Being afraid for her shows you care, but the choice is yours as to how you spend money on her.

Answer 6

YOUR daughter is making BAD CHOICES -- here is what I did with my own teens ....

(and I am A Long Term Single Parent (female) who has been through this with BOTH children ...)

1. Child .. you are NOW 18, but as long as you live in MY HOME you must RESPECT The House Rules and Myself at this time ... especially if you are eating the FOOD that MY Income provides, sleeping in the BED that my income provides, and yes, staying here ... YOU must be home at _____, every Night. I will NOT tolerate disrespect or filth in the home at all.

2. YOU have ONE SHOT through College -- and if you FAIL a course, and have to take it over .. it is at YOUR EXPENSE. I can't afford to pay for you to go back to take the same course again and again -- and especially so since I HAD to work very Hard to pay for MY OWN EDUCATION and MY Degree Programs too.

3. I am TERRIFIED at your 'choices' at this time. With all the bad males out there -- PLEASE think twice -- I DO Care, and don't want the boy to take advantage of you at this age ... because I know plenty of irresponsible males who have made young girls pregnant and then RAN as fast and far as their little legs can carry them to AVOID having to take responsibility for their 'sperm donation'.

4. SINCE you are still in MY HOME .. the RULES include NO SMOKING, NO Alcohol or Drugs, and definitely ... most importantly -- YOU must find a JOB at this time to PAY for the damages that you CAUSED by your IRRESPONSIBLE Driving Habits.

5. I can NOT Afford to carry you on MY Insurance policy either -- which MEANS ... you MUST work and allocate YOUR Earnings to pay for YOUR OWN CAR INSURANCE at this time. IF you can't pay for it -- then the CAR stays right here -- and you can WALK to school or take a bus (and the same with your job!) ... and NO .. I will NOT drive you to these places either.

6. I EXPECT you to apply yourself to your job and your schooling. NO PARTIES at all. IF you break Curfew for MY HOME .. then know this -- the DOORS are LOCKED, the Alarm is set, and since you DO NOT HAVE THE KEY To MY NEW Door Locks at this time -- when I GO to Work .. you MUST be up - showered - ready to LEAVE the house too with ME ... and that is what ALL Responsible Adults do!

Answer 7

Tough love. Tell her that her drinking, partying, smoking and boys are not welcome in your house, and if those things are more important to her than her family then she can leave. Take the car away from her--She obviously needs more training on how to use it, and needs to learn to accept the responsibility of driving and the consequences that come with taking advantage of the situation. She'll be furious now, but when she's older she'll thank you.

Answer 8

what i see is a complete confused teenage girl who is trying to prove something or hurt somebody....she is only 18 as a responsible parent u can do the following things
1.talk to her very softly & gently even if she is rude & get her medical or proffesional help.
2.if she doesn't take it then give her the hard way.don't pay for her expenses ,take her car away,ask her to take jobs.
3.check her contacts if they are safe to be hanged out or not
4. give her some space, some time & guidence which she can use decide her future
it is a completly volatile age.....be patient & show great love & confidencde in her

Answer 9

dont pay for her education. definately not. i was exactly the same as your daughter 2 short years ago. i regret what i did to my parents. they let me go for a bit with no financial help and i ended up right back home within a month. it was very embarrassing but i learned my lesson. if she wants to move let her move... try not to let her get too far.. she needs to grow up and she will in time... she just needs to make some mistakes first. she definately needs to take some time off to mature before going back to school.

Answer 10

It's ultimately your choice to pay for her education. I'm sure you had some sort of implicit bargain worked out in your head before you started paying for school. You probably had an understood agreement that she would have to get good grades and be responsible in order to benefit from all the amenities that you provide. An 18 year old is going to go out, especially when she first goes to college but if it gets in the way of being responsible, getting good grades and taking care of herself, she's not holding up her part of the bargain. Although a lot of her college-aged peers probably drink, it's still illegal for individuals under 21 to do so. It's not unreasonable for you to hope that your daughter obeys the law. Make sure that she knows what is expected of her. Have a serious discussion. You might want to start letting her pay for her own car insurance too... even if that means her getting a job. 5-6 car accidents is too much! You could also take away the car until she enrolls herself in 3hours of driving lessons (you know, those hours that you have to take with professional before you get your permit). Make her pay for that too.

It's going to be hard to stop her from partying but where is she getting the money to go out? Gas, money to get into clubs. cigarettes, concert tickets and the like are expensive. An 18 year old boy probably can't pay for those things for her + pay for her rent when she moves in with him. Maybe if she had to pay for those things herself she wouldn't be able to go out as much. Going out is healthy but it sounds like your daughter is going out so much that she is wasting her life away. If she wants to be a grown up tell her to get a job. (it's never too early to start working on a good resume). You can even help her find a good job. My parents made me get a job when I was in college and the pairing of my job and school work made me think about how I spent my money and how I took care of my things. I also know a lot of serious party-ers who once they got a job worked so hard that they were too tired to go out (food for thought). I would still pay for her education. You want to give her a chance to do as well as she can and frankly, if she isn't busy in school that gives her time to do other things that you probably don't want her to do.

Good Luck with your daughter.