Boyfriend Jehova's witness says family will disown him if dating non member?

Question

My boyfriend and I have dated for 4 months, and though he says he loves me he still has not told his family about his feelings for me... since they have made it clear to him that they will "shun" him and no longer help him or talk to him or have a relationship with him.... He lives in a house that his parents own (they live out of state) and he shares with his sister.. He still will not bring me to his house even when his sister is at work even though I have said it is a trust issue for me.. Because he is afraid of his family.. DOes anyone know about this religion, and why they would do this to their own family? Why they would not accept him having a girlfriend who is a different faith?

Answer 1

I know about Jehovah's Witnesses, although I would use the word 'religion' loosely. They are more of a cult. The reason why the family would do this is because the J.W. believe that anyone who does not believe as they believe must be seperated as to not influence the group. In fact, J.W. will do this to another J.W. if he 'goes too hard against the grain' by questioning the Watchtower (a small group of people who decide what J.W.'s believe, etc.) As for your boyfriend, is fairly simple. He will have to choose between his family and you. If he is living with them, chances are he will never tell them of you-at best he would lie to his parents about seeing you. So what you have to do is ask yourself: is that the kind of relationship you want? Do you want to be always hidden, knowing that you will never have his families support? I'm sorry, because that's a tough choice to make. Take care.

Answer 2

If he did not claim to be a witness, and didn't want to take you to his home, what would you think was going on? I'm sure you are smart to know you are being led on.

His family would not shun him for dating you. They would if he was sleeping with you, before marriage.

It sounds to me like there's something else going on here. He may not be a witness, at all, and may be a married man having an affair.

Does he go to a Kingdom Hall three times a week? Ask him to read to you the last talk he gave in the ministerial school. At the minimum, it will be three minutes long, but could be as long at 15 minutes. If he can't, he's not in the ministerial school, and every active witness is.

I'm a disfellowshipped witness from the Corning, CA Congregation in 1982, and I can tell you what the people are saying about the witnesses being a cult and shunning for little reason is a hunk of bull. Instead, you need to find out what he's up to. Sounds more like a worldly person. trying to lead you on, like many of the persons above.

Answer 3

that's not real. whether in saying that Jehovah's witnesses do not motivate their members to marry somebody of a diverse faith. between the flaws that facilitates make a marriage artwork is the incontrovertible fact which you proportion elementary ideals and standards. Jehovah's witnesses are very good of their bible ideals. They use the bible scripture to marry basically in the lord. As for disassociating a family members member, this could basically ensue if the guy became into residing in a dating without the respect of marriage

Answer 4

I tend to agree with the above answer. It sounds rather suspicious to me. He wont take you to his house even though there's not supposed to be anyone there? Why not?
It looks like he's using an excuse.

What I would do personally is test if he is a JW by finding out something about them that only they would know and then ask him about it. That way at least you'll know if he's a real JW or not. Or I'd visit the house anyway, maybe when no one is supposed to be there.

Answer 5

Well, to tell you the truth, the religion goes by the bible. They dont want to commit many sins. The fact that the family doesnt want you to see him is the same experience i had. Beleive me when i tell you that it wont work out. Maybe you should consider going with him to some of the meetings and learn about it. that way the parents will see that you are interested in him enough to try to learn about the religion. good luk, you will do the right thing. :-)

Answer 6

I dont know much about that religion, but I can tell you there should be no barriers between you if he is really in love. Imagine if this is the way he is facing your relation now, imagine how he will face life when any odd time arrives. I think you should talk to him serious and ask why the religion does not accept that.

Answer 7

I have to agree with the third answer by Kevin F, honey.
The JW's have a cult-like set of beliefs that they either have to follow or they get treated like filth by everyone of their faith, including their family. Even if they eventually accept you as you are, you will be looked down upon as a "non-believer" because they think they are superior to you and anyone of any other faith.

I know this because I was with a JW girl for about 8 months. At first she was the best thing to happen to me and I loved her very much, in fact I thought we might even get married. But as relationship went on thing started going sour to me. After 8 months no one in her family knew, and she began pressuring me to convert. I told her I'm already Christian, as a Roman Catholic and I wasn't going to, and that she should be the one to convert if she was going to take my last name in marriage. (I'm even kinda non-practicing at this time, so its not like it would be an issue until we tried to get married). We would either have had to get permission to have an inter-faith marriage in a Catholic church (which is no problem), have a civil service (Justice of the Peace), or I would have to convert so she could marry me in the JW's hall. JW's would never marry a non-believer or partake in an inter-faith marriage service.

We were talking and just came over all sorts of issues on everything, even how to eventually raise our kids. The JW's don't celebrate any holidays, or recognize any governments, can't own an American flag nor even serve as a police officer or in the US military, because their religious heirchy and God is their only "government". They don't believe in the Holy Trinity, or that Christ was crucified on the cross, and that only 144,000 people will go to Heaven, the rest stay on Earth - and there is no hell. They don't believe in receiving a blood transfusion even if they were going to die without it. Like I said, they have an odd set of beliefs, and it all was created when a disgruntled man angry at his fellow Protestants decided to create his own religion in the 1800's. Everything is dictated by their "Watchtower" group and cannot be challenged and must be obeyed. Seriously (and I posed this to my ex-girlfriend), if the "Watchtower" said everyone had to stop wearing underwear, would they all do it? She said yes! That gives you an idea where they are coming from.

You'll have to follow you heart my dear. As much as I loved my girlfriend I told her upfront after 8 month our relationship was not going to work. It broke both of our hearts but we're better off apart and I feel I did the right thing initiating the break up. We broke up in February, and though she told me should would never love again she's with someone else now and I'm happy for her. I'm not going to suggest what you do, but I'm just going to say unless you can put up with what I've told you, what you already know, and what you find out on your own, you might be lining yourself up for more heartbreak further down the line if you don't choose now.

Take care..good luck..and Godspeed.

Answer 8

A self-described "Jehovah's Witness" family which chooses to "disown" a relative for dating outside the religion does so for personal reasons rather than because it is required of their religion.

Marrying outside one's faith certainly ignores bible principles, but the fact remains that the bible does not mention any specific "punishment" for doing so. A Jehovah's Witness who merely marries a non-Witness has not committed a "serious sin" such as could result in disfellowshipping from the congregation.

Even dating outside the Christian Congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses religion is not considered a "serious sin". When a particular baptized Christian stubbornly insists on dating outside the religion, a few who know him personally may "mark" the person and limit their socializing with him, but no true Christian would shun him or consider him 'disfellowshipped' based only on such dating.

Jehovah's Witnesses practice the Scriptural practice of disfellowshipping for unrepentance of such serious sins as fornication, drug abuse, stealing, and apostasy. Baptized Witnesses who join the military or publicly engage in worship with another religion are considered to have disassociated themselves from Jehovah's Witnesses.

Contrary to the misinformation of anti-Witnesses, it is quite possible to become inactive in the JW religion without becoming disfellowshipped. As long as one's lifestyle does not bring reproach upon the congregation, and as long as one does not advocate one's disagreements with the religion, the congregation has no interest in "investigating", exposing, and disfellowshipping an inactive former Jehovah's Witness.

For those who are disfellowshipped or disassociated, a primary goal is to shock the person into recognizing the serious of their wrong so that they rejoin the congregation in pure worship. Since the primary bonds that are broken involve friendship and spiritual fellowship, it is well understood that family bonds remain intact. Parents, siblings, and grown children of disfellowshipped and disassociated ones sometimes choose to limit what they may feel is discouraging or "bad association" but that is a personal decision and is not required by their religion.

Former Witnesses who are disfellowshipped or disassociated are typically treated in accord with the Scriptural pattern explained in these Scriptures:

(1 Corinthians 5:11-13) Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man. ...Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.

(Titus 3:10) As for a man that promotes a sect, reject him after a first and a second admonition

(Romans 16:17) Now I exhort you, brothers, to keep your eye on those who cause divisions and occasions for stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them.

(2 Thessalonians 3:6) Now we are giving you orders, brothers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, to withdraw from every brother walking disorderly and not according to the tradition you received from us.

(2 Thessalonians 3:14) But if anyone is not obedient to our word through this letter, keep this one marked, stop associating with him, that he may become ashamed.

(2 John 10) If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him.

(Matthew 18:17) If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations

Only a baptized Witness can become disfellowshipped. Becoming baptized as a Jehovah's Witnesses is not a trivial step. At a minimum, a student must demonstrate months of regular meeting attendance and public ministry, then must himself express the desire to be baptized. The candidate then spends hours answering hundreds of bible questions wherein he expresses both a clear understanding and personal conviction regarding Jehovah's Witness teachings in at least three separate interviews with three different elders. The candidate must vocally agree to be baptized in front of hundreds or thousands of eyewitnesses, and must be publicly immersed in water. This is not a momentary emotional decision by an unreasoning child. Dedication as a Witness required hard work and determination at the time.

Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/e/19880415/article_01.htm
http://watchtower.org/e/19970101/article_01.htm

Answer 9

...because religious fanatics are that way.

Tough situation. He can either life by their rules his whole life and not lose his family, which doesn't sound like that much of a loss to me, or he can be his own person, blow them off and do what he wants with his life.

Think carefully as to whether or not this is an issue that you could deal with indefinitely if things were to work out with this genteman.

Good luck with that!