navy lies? my husband has lied about his service in the military (major lies)?

Question

he has told many people, including me, extravagant stories of war injuries, purple hearts, hand-to-hand combat, etc..it turns out that i was directed to look at his dd214, which says he was a storekeeper and no medals, wounds or anything. now, he is saying he degaussed ships in pearl harbor (where he says he was stationed) that he volunteered for diving school and frogman school and that he spent 2 years degaussing ships in hawaii, then went to vietnam where he (blew people up). there is nothing on the dd214 that mentions being in vietnam. it just says that he spent 3 years and 8 months at sea (does that mean on a ship?) he says he spent no time on a ship, did a lot of underwater stuff and went to jump school (again, not on dd214). could he at least be telling the truth about degaussing ships? surely something he has said about his service has a grain of truth....tired of lies. i would have respected him more if he had cleaned toilets and told the truth about it. ('61-'65)

service was 1961-1965. i've asked for years about the purple heart (said he had 2 major war wounds) one his foot, the other his kidney..he says he threw the purple heart away once years ago when he was drunk (he no longer drinks).

to: spongebob man-the reason i first posted my initial query as "a man i met" is because i did not want to reveal that it was my husband.. you see, i trusted him and was hoping that he wasn't a liar (as has now been revealed). the truth is sometimes difficult. initial caution should be used, which i did. i am now hoping to find a grain of truth (which i haven't yet).

Answer 1

There is a recent new law passed by Congress called the Stolen Valor Act. After the effective date (sorry, I don't know what date that is) each such lie he is caught in is worth 6 mo. imprisonment and a $5000.00 fine. If he stops now, all or most of the lies will have been before the act is effective, and he can probably skate. Get him a photo copy of the act from a library which has an up to date US Code, and get him to stop saying anything that isn't true for his own protection.

Answer 2

There shouldn't be a reason to lie about ones military service especially when you have the DD Fm 214 present. If he was a storekeeper, then tell him that you know the truth and wish that he would stop lying. Read your last line and say it to him, hopefully that will jolt him to reality. As for underwater demolition, jump school, dive school, frogman school, medals, awards...if it isn't on the DD Fm 214...he never went. He knows this. He is being somethng he's not.

You are tired of the lies, rightfully so, but talk to him again and let him know one last time how you feel.

Answer 3

The DD214, while not the most accurate document in the world, is the record of military service and should contain all service dates and awards. However mistakes are occasionally made and the DD215 can be used to amend incorrect data. The best way to confront your husband is with a DD215. Have him fill it out, listing the "errors" and the supporting information. If he cannot substantiate what he is saying, then he is full of crap.
Many Viet Nam era veterans are guilty of this same type of behavior, and I have decided that is is a form of guilt associated with being a non-combatant when so many were dying in Viet Nam. It manifests itself into these tales that have no bearing on reality. Your husband may need from professional help from the VA. They deal with this issue all of the time.

Answer 4

Well, I am not taking his side but I will tell the truths I know. They do have a major degausing station in Pearl Harbor. They do have a maor diving unit in Pearl Harbor and they are used frequently in degausing. I woulds think A dive unit would be listed on the DD-214. However, DD-214's can be made up of several pages. Do you have all his pages? The sea service time on the DD-214 does not necessarily have to be on a ship. There are several non-shipboard duties that are considered sea duty and credited as sea duty. Where a person deployed to is usually not on a DD-214. I deployed 8 times and not one is on my DD-214.
The purple hearts would certainly be on the 214 but again I ask, do you have all the pages. Ask him what the name of his dive unit was ans then google it or bring that info back to answers and see what you come up with.

Answer 5

Sounds like he really wanted to be looked upon as a hero. Therefore becoming more of a 'hero' for you in your eyes. Yet I do believe if the dd214 stated that he was at sea it would mean that he was on a ship. He could have been in the galley cooking, deck hand etc. What he needs to see and admit is that no matter what his job was on that ship or throughout the military, it was all important, just like you said, even if he was cleaning the toilets you would have respected him more if he told the truth about it. He needs to see that no matter what his job was it was important and that he is a hero no matter what his job was because it takes guts just to join the military and last that long in that kind of environment.

Answer 6

He must feel poorly about himself to have to build up this story. Some people become violent when their dark secrets are revealed. Be careful. HE probably won't fess up on this. He may have concealed other things from you over the years. This is a time to start taking inventory or it is a time to look at him and love him as you have. Big decision. But obviously, his self-esteem rests on some of the war stories. You could say, "I love you and I don't want to discuss the service record, because I respect you for the good husband you have been, but I will not allow the stories to continue. When the topic somes up in groups, you are not to discuss it anymore."

Answer 7

The DD214 is the official record of military service. I noticed you put at the end of your question 61-65. Is this is dates of service? If it was, the Vietnam War hadn't really heated up that much during that time period.

Answer 8

well in that time period alot of people went to "special" training where he could have had spec ops training I know for a fact the Navy has kept alot of training back then a secret true he might have been a store keeper but he could have also went to SEALs training and even got deployed the Navy probably kept it off the records since he might have been on a secret mission (here the Navy is most worried about the russians in this time line).that had a national security label on it wich means it doesn't go on records. Now hye might have gone for the training went to Nam and then the Navy deemed him "time spent in training" and he might have been given a new MOS

Answer 9

All military assignments, training, and medals appear on a DD214. If they are not listed, chances are, they didn't exist. What you do now with this information is up to you...I know a man who actually was a Viet Nam Veteran and he lied all the time--not about his service, but about it's effects (claiming PTSD to get benefits) and I know he lied about it...he lied about everything else, too--even about his wedding vows...NOT the military's fault, just his own dysfunctionalism he had even before he went into the Army...just something to consider...if he lies about something honored and sacred as his military service, why wouldn't he lie about something honored and sacred as his wedding vows? Up to you how much you can deal with...or ignore... (PS to "grips" above...Viet Nam War WAS heated up in 61-65...I am the proud wearer of several KIA/MIA/POW bracelets bearing the names of bous who died in those years)

Answer 10

Let your husband read your question and confront him with it.

He seems to live in a fantasy world. If he was in the service in the early 60's, he is old enough to be telling the truth. Did this fantasy just start? If so, maybe he has a medical problem or some type of chemical imbalance.

Time to see a doctor?

Good luck