bridesmaid issues!?

Question

So I have asked one of my friends to be a bridesmaid. We have known eachother since we were 8. Our relationship over the last year or 2 has been kind of rocky but we are okay now. Or we were. Over the last few months she has became really good friends with another co worker. They are both single and like to party etc. Well over the memorial day weekend I invited her to go to the lake with my fiance and I and a group of friends. Well our co-worker decides to Go tubing in the river. Well it decided to rain, so After it stopped I decided the lake was too muddy and we will just hang out at the pool at my house. She doesnt answer her phone or return my call. We get to work this morning and I asked her what she did yesterday and all she said was she was sick and didn't do anything. Just stayed at home. Well our co-worker came in and said that she (my bridesmaid) had went tubing with her and they hung out all day and went shopping etc. I'm alittle upset that she would lie to me about it.

Also, My co-worker and me have a birthday 2 days apart. I planned a get-together the weekend after my b-day for all my friends to come and hang out. And my bridesmaid was excited about going and thought it was a good idea until i told her our co-worker (her newly found friend) is planning one the same day. I feel that if she doesn't want to hang out with me she just needs to tell me and not lie about it. I Don't feel as if she sould have the privelage of being my bridesmaid anymore. I planned a weekend for us to go shopping for dresses. And she told me the day before that she won't be able to go because she had something else planned. Which was planned after I set the date for all my bridesmaids to go dress shopping. She doesn't seem like she cares too much. I don't know what to do about it.

So som eof you got the wrong impression. I could care less if she goes and parties, I just don't like the fact that she lied to me after she thought it was a wonderful idea to go to the lake and be with a bunch of our friends. not just me and my fiance. And its not like The only thing i talk to her about is my wedding. And yes it is a privelage to be asked to be a bridesmaid. not just mine, anyones.

Answer 1

Your story strikes a real nerve with me. I was married a year and half ago. I had much the same problem you're having--only worse. My best friend of 20 years and my Aunt (by marriage), both flaked out, just like your friend. I was crushed. It felt like they just didn't care--and after all the years we'd been friends, I couldn't imagine having this done to me. Well, when push came to shove--I chose another maid of honor--a girl from work, who was really excited to be part of the wedding. I didn't talk to my best friend for a year. We are now speaking, and the reason she gave for not being part of what I thought was an exciting day, was because she "just wasn't feeling well". I was hurt all over again.

The long and the short of it is that I don't know what the answer is, but I know you're justified in feeling hurt, and feelilng like the priveledge you've bestowed onto your friend isn't appreciated. You can try to talk to her, as I did with my two dropouts, but ultimately, if she can't admit what's really going on, you'll not find any resolution. Just get on with your planning, and allow her time to come to terms with you being married. Maybe she'll come back to you--or maybe she won't. It's hard. I missed my bridesmaids, a lot, on the day of the wedding, but as I stood beside the man I was marrying, it didn't matter who was there, or not. He is the only person that really mattered--and the only person that really NEEDED to show up. Don't let her overshadow the real meaning of your day.

Answer 2

one million. It's as much as what your Bridesmaid's put on at the day of your marriage ceremony. two. Are you definite she needs to move? It appears like she does not. I could name her and investigate that she certainly needs to be concerned within the marriage ceremony. Ask for an sincere reply and inform her that you will not take offence if she does not. It appears like you're after a Bridesmaid who's supportive and excited approximately your day. If she's now not behaving that method then it probably great to receive that . You are not able to drive her to consider that method. It's a disgrace however I've heard tons of circumstances of women being this fashion approximately being Bridesmaid. Some are jealous, a few are lazy peers, a few are simply undeniable problematic. It's great to deliver them the choice to again out.

Answer 3

I think you should talk to her about it and about the way she has hurt your feelings and about the lie you discovered. You need to tell her that you need to know she is committed to being a bridesmaid and remind her about changing her plans when she was supossed to go shopping for the dress. Tell her if she doesnt want to be the bridesmaid then you will find someone else. She doesnt really sound like she is a very good friend anyway and you dont want to be having bad feelings on your wedding day cuz that would spoil your day. Congrats on the marriage.

Answer 4

I would just come out and ask her why she lied. I would also ask her if she wants to be your bridesmaid. If she does not want to do anything but party this might be the best thing to get her out of the role.

She might be jealous that you are getting married and she is still single. Right now she does not want to be close to you since you have a committed relationship and she does not so she only wants to be with single friends.

Best wishes with the wedding and the marriage.

Answer 5

I think you are getting the right vibes and she doesn't know how to come out and say she doesn't want to me in your wedding, but her actions are speaking much louder than any words. Ask her to have lunch with you one day or grab a drink after work, and tell her that due to her actions over the past couple of weeks you have the impression that she isn't interested in being your friend and being in your wedding and that you will be glad to find someone else because your wedding party is supposed to be your closest friends there in support of you and you don't want any negativity involved. Good luck to you and God Bless your marriage.

Answer 6

Ask her point blank if she wants out of the wedding. Make sure you do it before the dresses are picked out and before she has spent any money on your wedding. Explain to her that it just doesn't seem like she's all that interested and you don't want to force her into it. Let's face it, you're in love and getting married and she's not. You guys are on two different pages and you both find the other page boring. It happens.

Answer 7

I would relieve her of her bridesmaid's duties. She doesn't sound at all committed to you as a bride or as a friend. If she gets upset at your decision, you have several reasons/events listed above that fully illustrate your point. Plus, if your coworker decides to go shopping on your wedding day, you might end with a bridesmaid who is MIA. Sorry you have to deal with this.

Good luck and congrats on the wedding!

Answer 8

A friend? I think you know what to do so you MUST address the issue. I wouldn't take the chance with her and really after you get married you will see a change in friends but not if the friendship is as meaningful to them as you. Also ask all other bridesmaids and get their input. But do it now.

Answer 9

Have a serious heart to heart with her.

Tell her you found out she lied and was not sick.

She doesn't answer your calls.

She IMO is not bridesmaid material, or a real friend.

I would inform her of your decision to not have her in the wedding party and find a replacement.

Answer 10

Okay chill, you're not single anymore and your friend is. She wants to go out and have fun and not hear/talk about your wedding every 2 seconds; I'd also like to add being your bridesmaid is a "privilege "? ego check! I'm getting married in July and I don't get mad if my girlfriends that are single want to go out and party without me, I understand, I've been there. Sounds like you need to chill out a bit on your friend there.