i had a child from an affair (i was drunk before my wedding and had sex with a male exotic dancer in vegas).the child id now 2 years old and my husband has no idea. i know its the dancers- the facial features, hair really give it away, my sister who is a doctor told me. i was really drunk and regret the whole affair thing. the thing is my husband has no idea, he is a great dad, i i love him and my child more that anything. my family life is great.
should i just take this secret to the grave? my family is happy, and i dont want to ruin things.
2007-05-28 09:33:48 · 34 answers · asked by jen e 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
my sister tells me she will tell my husband her opinion that the child is not his,and what happened in vegas. i told her i was going to take it to the grave, and she became furious, stating i have to tell him. any suggestions on my changing her opinion and letting me keep the secret. Things are getting out of control--i was stupid for being with that damn stripper, if my husband leaves me i just dont want to go on--he is the only man i have ever loved and evrthing is ending. i cant lose him.
2007-05-29 11:26:16 · update #1
I think your husband has a right to know that the child that he has been believing for 2 years is NOT his. It really makes no difference that you have a happy family. Sooner or later he has the right to know. And not only that her Bio dad, also has the right to know. Who do you think you are keeping this from your husband? You really should be ashamed of yourself. If this ends up breaking up your marriage, then it does. You should have thought about this before you had sex with that guy. Drunk or not. But for your actions, you wouldn't be in this situation. Tell him.............and shame on the people who say dont tell him. Its those kind of people who build their relationship on lies and think its okay to be deceitful
2007-05-28 09:39:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
if I was that child and grew up, maybe i would class him as my dad but when I realised he was not and you lied to me I would be very angry.
your husband thinks he is the father it will break him when he finds out but if he loves your child he would just love them as his own as he is already. I am all for honesty is the best policy. but this is your family you know them best what you have to ask yourself is are you keeping this secret to protect yourself and because you are also sacared or ashamed of your own mistake or are you keeping your family from harm I know that what they dont know wont hurt them but at the same time you are hurting them without them even knowing, furthermore you are continuely hurting yourself by having this weight on your shoulders, that you are asking this question tells me that after 2 years you realise you love your family very much and are considering telling your husband, I would. make sure your child is with a baby sitter and your husband is non violent tell your sister that you will tell him. look on the bright side, at least this was a 1 night stand and not with your husbands brother or something. bear in mind that this was also before the wedding, if your husband truely loves you and the child this will only make your relationship stronger. if on the other hand he cannot accept it then he does not admire your honesty the mistake was made two years ago and you want to put things right that you love him soooo much you want him to know the truth if he is a man he will want rather the truth and be hurt than live a lie it is whether or not he is strong enough as a person and you are strong enough as a family.
2007-05-28 09:50:46 · answer #2 · answered by serious sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my, this is a toughy. I think you should tell him. Secrets have a way of coming out one way or another. Someone out there probably knows and will say it. You say your family is happy, but dont you think you owe it to your husband to let him know. If you truly love him a secret as big as this should not be kept. He loves you and I am sure he will forgive you, it might not be right away, but he has been with you and your child for two years. He is the childs father, maybe not biologically but he has bonded with him/her. Talk to him, you owe it to him. yes, you are going to hurt him, but you will hurt him even more by letting him believe a lie for the rest of his life. You need to tell him and you know it, deep down you know you have to. Isnt that why you are on here asking this question? you just need the encouragement. So go for it, be honest, if you dont I can gurantee this secret will haunt you for the rest of your life. Think about it, what if your child gets really sick and needs blood or something then the doctors tell him that he is not the father? Tell him before someone else does.
Good luck and I really hope he will be forgiving.
2007-05-28 09:44:05 · answer #3 · answered by Curly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just looked up your question history and asking the same question 5 times in a row within one minute apart from each other is a bit excessive don't you think!!! I'm sure you are getting all the same type of answers. So I'm guessing you are feeling guilty for what you did and you want to confess. If that is the case, I would go to a religious professional first and talk to them. They have experience with this that would help you. Or go see a therapist.
2007-05-28 10:31:33 · answer #4 · answered by cat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must not love your husband that much if you had sex at your bachelorette party. :-/
If I were you, I'd tell your husband immediately and go in for a DNA test. It's really not fair to lie to him and have him support this child for the next 18+ years if it turns out the child isn't his. I imagine it will be a huge weight off your shoulders once you confess, too.
2007-05-29 07:18:31 · answer #5 · answered by brevejunkie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That's a lot to carry around. I'm so sorry you have that weighing you down. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything. If you have a good life now with your husband and your child, don't ruin it. It could mess up a lot of things in your life if you tell your husband, and it would mess up your child's life. Just tell one person (like a friend) and make sure that person doesn't tell a soul. That way you have at least one person you can talk to about it now and then when it's bothering you.
2007-05-28 09:38:28 · answer #6 · answered by annamartin 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need to tell your husband and you need to take responsiblity for your actions. You were drinking so what..you CHOSE to get so drunk that you made other choices you had no business making that was your FAULT drinking is only an excuse and a bad one at that. Time to grow up and be responsible for your actions and be honest with your husband. He doesn't deserve to suffer for the choices you made.
2007-05-28 13:34:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the truth would make your concience feel a lot better and I believe secrets ALWAYS come out....But I do think telling him could cause a lot of stress in the relationship. But if he really loves you and believes this child is his, I would doubt after 2 years he would just up and go. I would see a theripist and find out the best way of telling him. Maybe with a third party there would help. I mean what happens in Vegas, doesn't always stay in Vegas.
2007-05-28 09:38:52 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Have you taken a DNA test yet? That is really the only way to tell for sure. I have see too many Maury's, and sometimes the baby looks like one guy and it's another's. So you never really know without a DNA test.
2007-05-28 12:47:35 · answer #9 · answered by Not your average mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would seek some counselling for myself, and let sleeping dogs lie. What would you have to gain by telling your husband that the child isn't his...he's the child's daddy...not like you could ever find the one night stand again.
2007-05-28 09:57:41 · answer #10 · answered by mommy_2_liam 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋