i had a child from an affair (i was drunk before my wedding and had sex with a male exotic dancer in vegas).the child id now 2 years old and my husband has no idea. i know its the dancers- the facial features, hair really give it away, my sister who is a doctor told me. i was really drunk and regret the whole affair thing. the thing is my husband has no idea, he is a great dad, i i love him and my child more that anything. my family life is great.
should i just take this secret to the grave? my family is happy, and i dont want to ruin things.
2007-05-28 09:33:07 · 34 answers · asked by jen e 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
my sister tells me she will tell my husband her opinion that the child is not his,and what happened in vegas. i told her i was going to take it to the grave, and she became furious, stating i have to tell him. any suggestions on my changing her opinion and letting me keep the secret. Things are getting out of control--i was stupid for being with that damn stripper, if my husband leaves me i just dont want to go on--he is the only man i have ever loved and evrthing is ending. i cant lose him.
2007-05-29 11:27:35 · update #1
Honestly....as much as I really hate that I'm saying this....don't tell your husband.
What you really need to look out for here is the well-being of the child.
Chances are, that exotic dancer does this a lot. Sorry to say, but I'm sure you are not anything special, and just another bachelorette party to him. Chances are that he would step up and be a good father to the child are probably slim to none. You say your family is happy, and everything is great......why mess that up?
Your child will have a much better life if none of this is ever brought up. Just try not to let this get to you. Things will be a lot better if you just never say anything.
I'm sure it sucks basically lying to your husband.....however, accidents happen....and as you said, you were drunk.....and I'm SURE that you are not the only woman who has slept with an exotic dancer the night before her wedding. Alcohol was involved, and you obviously regret it. I feel sorry for you having to live with this mistake and secret......but I really think it's the only thing you can do.
Good luck!
2007-05-28 09:53:17 · answer #1 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This lie will eat you up inside. He is your husband and he has the right to know. Marriage is based on honesty. If he really loves you and this kid then he would want to still be with both of you. He might be in shock for a while and hurt. But honesty is really the best. Otherwise you will go crazy just thinking about it all the time. And when you see him playing with your child you will feel bad that he really thinks thats his blood child but really the kid is not. Good luck!
2007-05-28 09:43:54 · answer #2 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the secret with you to the grave. By telling your husband you might relieve your guilt, but you would only cause him pain and there is no reason for it. You made a huge mistake and now you're paying for it, but he and your child shouldn't have to. There is more to being a father than biology anyway and if he's a great dad then leave it at that.
2007-05-28 10:52:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
And your sister knows this because...? A rule of thumb is if anyone besides you knows, it WILL get back to your husband, so go ahead, be 100% honest with him, but don't use being drunk as an excuse. Alcohol is nothing more than courage in a bottle.
2007-06-01 04:30:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out for sure if this child belongs to your husband or not. Just because you are happy, he is a good father and your family is glowing, you need to know for the child's sake and well-being.
You didn't mention whether the child is a boy or girl. If it is a boy, they normally start to look like their father in some way ... and this will start to show as the child gets older.
The truth will set you free ...
2007-05-28 10:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by Patty G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd talk to a counselor. You have a potential health issue here. What if the child's blood type is incompatible with your husband's? What if later on he needs a blood transfusion, bone marrow, develops an illness that makes it apparent to your husband that the child is not his. Is that the circumstance under which you want your husband to find out the child is not his? It would be unfair to the child, too. Please talk to a therapist about the right approach, but you could face bigger problems later if you don't deal with this now.
2007-05-28 09:54:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Haha, wow... most of the people who have answered have obviously never been married or should expect a divorce very soon. Of course you have to tell him. You really think that a marriage that has been dependant upon lies to hold it together is ever going to work?? He deserves to know what kind of woman he married. If you've been lying to him from the beginning, your marriage is a sham, and it's going to end whether you tell him or not, but at the very least, he deserves the truth.
2007-05-28 11:33:37 · answer #7 · answered by greeneyes_bjb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what is best for the long term welfare of the kid. If you are really curious, there are many movies that carry that theme, and if you want to touch the subject matter, watch and episode of a "who's your daddy?" episode of Murry Povich and then pop the question as a hypothetical. By all means don't tell him unless you already know the answer. He should know before he volunteers to donate a kidney.
2007-05-28 09:42:17 · answer #8 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really feel for your sitution
however relationships based on lies have a habit of becoming undone
this kind of secret will eventually come out
what would happend if your son got sick and needed blood and they checked both your bloods
my question is why didnt you say something straight away
maybe he does have a clue
I would come clean if your love is strong you will have a hard time but may be able to pull thru will counselling
I say come clean or it will be ruined much later
2007-05-28 16:06:30 · answer #9 · answered by Jeni W 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should keep it a secret to your grave, you will mess up your marriage and your child's life. Make your peace with God and no on else needs to know. You shouldn't even be posting this question. Delete it before your husband see/s it.
2007-05-28 09:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by auntkarendjjb 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋