"mother-in-law"?

Question

My soon to be mother in law is driving me nuts... My fiance and I have been together for 4 years, She thinks I have to stop what I am doing to run errands for her at her beck and call. She is in a wheelchair is totally "with it" mentally. and doesn't understand that I can't run for her every day. I work full time night shift, and he works full time day. I go to the grocery story to get her ridiculaous list. and run medications from the pharmacy at least 4 times a week. i wouldn't mind doing it once a week. I have told her how we feel but she thinks we are mad at her. She is divorced from father in law, has 3 sisters of her own, she is late 40's. Please someone tell me what to tell her. I have told her I can't because of work, the kids, gas prices. I don't run to the grocery store 4 times a week for my self. I don't want her to think I hate her, but my lord this is ridiculous.. any thoughts??

MIL has only been in w/c for the last year, she has done all her errands before on her own, I have tried to buy in bulk. She doesn't like it. I think she just likes to try to be controlling. Hubby has a sister, but sister won't do any running. Thanks for you answers.

Answer 1

Believe it or not I lived something similar. Your first mistake is doing it in the first place. Hand your Man the list and say your mother needs this stuff. Taking care of his mom is not your job it's his!!! and trust me as a mother of 2 sons she wants him not you to do it anyway. Unless He shares some of the burden of taking care of his mother he will never understand how draining it is for you.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Oh boy..This is a tough one but I'll give it a shot.
The rule is that you have to get along with the mother-in-law so I would try talking to fiance about how bad you feel and the situation with his mother. But present it in a way that tells him that you want to work out a system because you really care for and love his mother like he does. Explain to him how you have been running to the store all the time and would like to develop a system that works well for everyone. Then, HE should be the one to talk to his mother and say that the grocery runs are on a specific day. 1X a week. Maybe you and fiance could think of a way to make a list with her to insure that she has everything that she needs/wants for the week. Maybe she is lonely too. It sounds like you are being a great daughter in law but you have to stand up for yourself. Never "get into it" with her and never speak ill of her to fiance. I'm sure that once you get the message thru to him, he can talk to his mother and you wont be the bad guy. best of luck!

Answer 4

THERE NEEDS TO BE A WAY YOU CAN COME TO A
CONCLUSION FOR THIS MINOR PROBLEM. FIRST OF
ALL YOU NEED TO SIT AND TALK WITH HER AND LET
HER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND THAT IT DOES NOT
BOTHER YOU THAT YOU RUN ERRANDS FOR HER,
BUT YOU NEED TO COME UP WITH A WAY TO RESOLVE
THIS UNECESSARY FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE SAME
PLACE OVER AND OVER AGAIN. ONE SUGGESTION
I WOULD HAVE IS TO GET WITH HER AT THE BEGINNING
OF THE WEEK AND SEE WHAT ALL SHE NEEDS TO
GET HER THROUGH THE WEEK. AND THEN TAKE IT
FROM THERE. MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING SHE
NEEDS FROM MEDS, TO GROCERIES AND PAYING
BILLS. AND MAYBE YOU CAN ALSO SUGGEST IF SHE
CAN MAYBE GIVE YOU 10 TO 20 DOLLARS FOR GAS.
SINCE GAS PRICES ARE SO RIDICULOUS. IT WON'T
HURT TO ASK. AND MAYBE IF THAT DOESN'T WORK
WELL THEN MAYBE HER SON SHOULD DO SOME OF
THE RUNNING AROUND HIMSELF AND THEN HE WILL
REALIZE HOW YOU FEEL AND UNDERSTAND.
COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO ALL PROBLEMS.
VOICE YOUR FEELINGS...................... NO ONE WILL
KNOW UNLESS YOU SPEAK UP,.,,,,,,, GOOD LUCK......

Answer 5

she can't take advantage of you unless you LET her... next time she asks tell her sorry I can't right now.... of course you could try to be kind and understanding and maybe come up with one day a week you could do a few errands for her... but i would talk to your fiance about the situation,,, remember if you marry him this is what it will be like for you only worse cause now you are officially in the family.. think long and hard if this is what you want to put up with for the rest of your life ... good luck

Answer 6

You guys need to sit down and tell her she needs to get a helper. Perhaps medicaid will get her a nurse or she can have the medicines delivered. Check to see if there is a grocery delivery service or if someone at her church would be willing to volunteer time.

If none of those work, I would call the sisters and tell them they are each assigned 2 days a week to help her to get your burden down. Then tell MIL that she can only call you for help on your days.

Answer 7

this could be tricky. Usually in this circumstance, I would try to find another family member that might be able to assist her better than someone within your situation.

Otherwise, the better course is to buy things in bulk, like going to sams club or costco, so you wouldn't have to go 4 times a week.

Good luck, this can't be easy.

Answer 8

What is your soon to be husband saying---what is he doing----what were they doing prior to the 4 years before you can into there lives? Does he have any other siblings and if so why aren't they helping there mom? One suggestion---I'm not sure what state you are from, but look into having her medication mail to her home. Don't let them (including soon to be husband) take your kindness for weakness

Answer 9

You shouldn't tell her, your husband her son needs to tell her to stop abusing the kindness of his wife. You should inform her that you will help her once a week and that is it. Be firm and consisent. She will gripe and whin but she will get over it. Let your husband talk with her first.

Answer 10

one word- monster in law!