Help!!!!!!!!! I am Lost now?

Question

i broke up with this one girl around thanksgiving, a little after that (maybe 2 weeks) we started doing things as friends, we have now spent every friday for the past several months together at the least usually we get together just the two of us at least two or three times a week and talk on the phone for a couple of hrs on all the other nights.

I'm finding i made a huge mistake by breaking up with her, and i honestly think shes amazing and i really like her.

Well I asked her out and she said she can't, she is a complete commitment phobe and she asked me to have us keep doing exactly what we have been doing. this was almost 2 or 3 months ago now, nothing changed afterwards

we ended up going to prom together 2 weeks ago

well we got to talking about how things were between us, and i found out she likes me the way i like her but in her words ".. i always seize up when i get into a relationship with anyone..way to much pressure.. " etc. claims to be a complete comitment phobe

so what do i do? how can i help get over this?

And i do hang out with my other friends, alot actually, but all of our friends are mutual friends with few exceptions

Fridays are just the two of us, but when i jang out with my other friends she is usually there

we are just friends, we don't do anything physical like kissing at most she curls up with her head in my lap or on my shoulder and takes a nap when we watch movies

i honestly dont remember why i broke up with her

and we dated for a lil over a month, but we have known each other for years
and tthings have happened between us previously (we are not allowed to drink together anymore)

Answer 1

tell her you understand and you're not there to pressure her..if she doesn't want to commit due to her phobia you respect her for that. also, in life , you have to take risks and no one can guarantee there wont be upsets or hearts broken but that's a part of living life and learning as you go. let her know, if you choose to, that your heart is with her and you just want her to know, you only want to be with her and no one else...and you don't need a commitment from her you just want her to know you're not looking elsewhere. You said you're spending alot of time together, and on the phone all the time.....so obviously she's not looking around either but she is scared to committ as you left her in the dust at thanksgiving..* so understandable.
COMMUNICATION TRUST AND HONESTY are the KEYS to a long healthy relationship..without those..you have nothing*~

Answer 2

Well, I'm not sure, but you sent me a message to answer this? Well anyways, there's nothing to try and get over. If she feels the same about you it's obvious that you two should be together. OF COARSE don't rush into marriage because you really shouldn't marry your high school sweetheart until at least later five or tens year after high school.
Just take her by the shoulders and tell her straight, you made a mistake breaking up with her. All this time you've always uloved her but she can't let your mistakes ruin the love you have for each other. Everyone makes mistakes, and love is the top most thing to believe in and that YOU LOVE HER. Tell her what you told us, that she was amazing and you made a mistake. There shouldn't be pressure, if you love her you should feel to be able to feel relaxed whenever she's around. Just try to make her feel like there's no pressure into doing anything. also, tell her that commitment shouldn't be that complicated, commitment is just her being able to love you and you being able to love her, love love love love love!

Fight for the girl, if you truly know she's the one you want to spend your time around. Try to NOT make her feel pressured, make her feel like she doesn't have to do things girlfriends sually do.

Answer 3

Phenomona man, I've never gotten a request via email before, thank you! I love to give my advice. Ok, once again, I've been there. Unfortunately, I've screwed up in the past. I'll pass on to you what I learned.

You really like this girl ALOT right? Listen to her. Always listen and try to put yourself in her shoes. She likes you alot, shares your feelings right? But she says she seizes up, too much pressure. Then what you have to do is put aside your analytical side, your sensitivity and don't think too much. Never, ever think too much. First thing is enjoying your own life. Your friends, your activities, and she'll respect that. Don't monopolize her time or let things get to you. In other words "don't sweat the small stuff". Girls hate pressure. They want a guy who's happy, has a life, and SHARES that with them. It sounds like things are going well as is. Keep doing what you're doing. ENJOY the time you spend with her. Don't push her if she says she's busy or can't see you. Play it cool. Your positive energy and happiness will make her happy. Be confident.

You two sound like you're still young, in high school right? Many relationships have lasted through high school until death do you part, but you have to be patient, understanding, and above all, be best friends with each other. That comes first. Act like best friends, with a little flirting (to make sure it doesn't fall into the "just friends" category) and she'll love you forever. Sometimes even make it a point to say "you know what, I have plans with my buddy". Don't blow off a plan with your friend to see her because too much time together will "pressure" her. As long as it's comfortable and you aren't pushing, then everything should be cool. Let her come to you. Don't chase her. Ever see the movie "Swingers"? You're like this bear with these big claws... and she's like this little helpless bunny. You have to be gentle and cool, and she'll come to you.

Hope that helped a little bit. I'd be happy to answer any other specific questions you might post on yahoo regarding this issue.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Well I think you should just tell her that "things will just stay the same and that since we are starting to click now, we realize that we have feelings for each other. And now that I am around you and we hang out and talk and everything, I haven't 'seized' up like you said I do. So I am willing to give us another chance if you are." Just tell her something like that along those lines. And if she still doesn't want to be more than a friend, then you must move on. I mean there are lots of ex's who have actually made it as better even best friends than bf and gf. So if things don't work out with her, remember there are other girls out there.

Answer 5

wow this was a long question love .
okay .
i know exactly how she feels . just give her sometime . eventually she'll get over it . in the mean time , let her know that nothing would change & make sure she knows how much you care for her . make sure she trusts you 110 % & make sure you don't break that trust . keep things the way they are for now , but don't do anything with any other girls . just act as if you two are together , it will just happen . best wishes oxox

Answer 6

okay, first of all, did u tell her how u really feel about, cause that is the first thing u need to do...
second: when u two were dating, did u kiss each other, if u didnt why dont u kiss her and tell her how u feel...

i dont know what else to say but i will try to see if there r any other ways to get u back together...

Answer 7

well you asked for it so here it is you are putting to much on the words u r all ready going out with her she don't see anybody else but you anyway so just do the same thing with h
er that u have been doing Friends r more important that is what great relationships r made out of

Answer 8

It sounds like you really do care for this girl. Unfortunately, she is not ready to "commit" to an exclusive relationship. You may be, but she isn't.

I know that you really want a relationship with this one girl, but sadly, it's not going to happen yet. In fact, it may never happen. It sounds to me like she could be stringing you along.

It's time to cut the ties, so to speak. Don't be so "available" to her, as in don't be there for her when she calls so much (in fact, you should not even call her--let her do the calling!) and don't be around for Friday. Start dating others. I'm sure there are plenty of other ladies available for you to date!!

Seriously, you need to get out into the world more and don't let her be the "center" of your "universe." Mingle with others and start evolving a bit more in your friendships.

Time to move on with your life and stop pining for this "commitment-phobe."

Good luck to you!

Answer 9

ok well help her get through it everytime yall go out take it a step closer to being a real relationship and before you know it yall will be a couple it just wont be that noticeable itll be like it just will all fit in together and she wont be able to say no cause yall will pretty much already be a couple

Answer 10

Well You need to get over this. Spend time with your friends, and everytime it pops into your head about her think of someething different. Love your self and think positive thoughts and you should be over it in no time.. Good Luck and just remember love the number one person in your life "YOU".