Can I please get a little encouragement from the v&v's?

Question

I just spent some time defending my beliefs over the phone with a friend. She just used every protest I've heard about veganism:

"Make sure I'm eating right and getting all my vitamins."
"Your son will have a hard time at school dealing with children who aren't vegetarian or vegan."
"I can understand not wanting to eat meat, but c'mon, cheese and milk aren't hurting the cow."
"You can't change the world."
"Enjoy life... why limit yourself on what you can eat? Why deprive yourself?"
"You don't know anything about nutrition; I suggest you and your husband take a cooking class."

This know-it-all claimed that since she's older and has dealt with vegetarians and vegans before, she knows more. I know I should just ignore everything she just said... after all, this is coming from the same person who thinks Diet Coke is better than regular Coke... but I still can't help but feel upset.

Any kind words would be appreciated...

dustedshadow, i've decided to cut out all animal products from my diet. part of the reason i decided to be a vegetarian in the first place is because of the animals, and i felt it was a little hypocritical that i was eating dairy products from the same animals that were still being slaughtered. i also feel that milk belongs to calves, not humans. cheese is loaded with saturated fats... i'd rather not include it in my daily diet.

notmilk.org

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bluesea, i don't go around telling everyone. i consider this person a friend. when you and a friend are talking, what do you talk about? anything and everything. i simply told this friend over two months ago that we were becoming vegetarian, and she jumped at my neck for it. i don't push my beliefs on anyone... who said anything about my preaching to her?

Answer 1

OK, everyone needs to make sure they are eating right and getting all their vitamins, not just vegans. Because the RDA for protein is so high because of lobbying from the dairy and meat industries, the nutrient everyone thinks you're not going to get enough of is not really a problem.

All kids are teased. If it wasn't about being vegan, it would be about a funny name, or wearing glasses, or not being good at sports, etc. Learning how to deal with the insensitive and the cruel is part of living around others.

Milk and cheese are animal products. They do hurt the cow. The cow spends her life in a warehouse, eating corn she was not designed to eat. Cows are ruminants. Their stomachs are designed to eat grass. Grain acidifies and can kill them without a constant stream of drugs. She is also perpetually pregnant, to keep her lactating. When her babies are born, they are ripped from her, and either raised for veal if they are boys, or raised to give milk if they are girls. Very few dairy cows get to see the sun, go outside, or ever eat grass. When her milk yield falls, she is slaughtered and used for low-grade beef. Her teats are constantly irritated, many times with open, running sores on them from being hooked to a milker so much. Sound like that doesn't hurt? And why would you want to eat something that came out of that anyway?

You can change your kitchen. You can make a responsible decision that you feel is right. You may not be able to change the whole world, but you can change the things you have control over. If no one did anything, nothing would ever get done.

You can enjoy life just as much as anyone, and without the guilt of knowing you are blindly subscribing to an unsustainable, poisonous, cruel soilent green food system. There is more to life than eating, and there is certainly more to eat than meat or dairy. You're not denying yourself, you are standing up for your beliefs.

If you don't know anything about nutrition, read up. There are some very good books out there. Try "Diet for a New America" try "The Omnivore's Dilemma". Finish those two, and you'll be able to out-argue any meat eater. They usually don't read about nutrition, they just do what everyone else does. You do need to know that stuff. If you do know it, why would you care what she thinks you know or don't know?

This woman is your friend? I have a lot of friends who eat meat. They respect me, and none have ever tried to make me sell out my convictions to make themselves feel better. Any friend who asks you to sacrifice your integrity doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.

Answer 2

Bless your heart - no one has the right to dictate your diet unless there is a health issue and your physician feel obliged to step in. I am not a vegetarian; however, I almost made that leap when my kids were quite young. We did most of the changing slowly and went to all natural food at the same time!
No one was any worse for wear! Your friend made one good suggestion - take a vegan cooking class - I think all of us could benefit from a cooking class, even if all we learned was some new facts regarding nutrition and new recipies. I am trying hard to learn more about nutrition at age 55 to improve my health and reduce cholesterol and weight. This stuff is really not that easy, and the college class I took in biology describing the fat chains, proteins etc. leaves me completely in the dark. You go girl, you and the rest of your family may out live all of your peers. Remember not to freak out the first time one of your kids comes home from school or a friend's and asks for 'another' hot dog. That's your opportunity to have a discussion about healthy eating and it's benefits. Hey, I'll bet I am older than you also, and I have just admitted that I don't know a lot about this stuff - go figure!! Have a happy day!

Answer 3

Vegetarianism is great! If you go one better becoming Vegan. In Eckankar they say Angels are Vegans.. they won't eat anything of meat and won't eat meat. Perhaps you're a goodly Angel when it comes to animals. We were put on this earth to protect it and all there in this was why we were given dominancy over earth. Humans are making the same or similar mistakes as Atlantis and other past Worlds! I'm a Vegetarian.. not quite a vegan.. Veganism costs too much for my pocket book! I tried it for 3 months. Vegetarian is
more affordable for me! When I get rich then I'll become a Vegan.. maybe even start up a Vegan Society! We might not be able to change the world but we can at least modify some of it!
Go ahead be either a Vegan or Vegetarian..
There's lots of books in the Library to help you
go on a day when it's least crowded.. In Canada it's usually a Monday!

Answer 4

Oh boy! Do I feel you on this one! I also have vegan children and get harassed constantly for it. I have always been a quick study when it comes to human nature, so I'll share with you what I learned and maybe it will help you too.
Most people are very insecure in one way or another. The most common insecurity is "Am I living my life correctly? Am I a good person?" So in walks a vegan who has decided to put the lives of animals above his/her own desires. It makes people uncomfortable because it's making them question the way they live...and people do not like that! Most people also want others around them to be just like them...they are more comfortable that way. It's like a little validation of "Hey, If everyone else does it this way, then I'm ok too."

The bottom line: most people who are offended by vegans do think about where their food comes from, and probably feel slightly guilty about it. However, for whatever reason, they can't see themselves being veggie. So they get angry at those of us who can because to them, it feels like we are pointing out some flaw in them.

I would just say to your friend "I am very happy that I live in a place where I was free to make this choice. Can you imagine not being able to make choices about what *you* ate? I'm sorry you can't accept me the way I am, because even though we eat different things, I accept you the way you are."

I have used this many, many, many times and it usually gets people to calm down.

i really hope your friend comes around and stops pestering you. Good luck!
Hugs from a fellow vegan mommy!

Answer 5

It's hard to be vegetarian around some people, because they see meat at being natural, and our choice to live with out it challenges their climb to the top of the food chain. Just expect opposition from people, it's really all part of being vegetarian/vegan. I don't really understand why other people have such a problem with other people's diet choices...but whatever right? you are eating the way that you seem right and she is eating the way that seems right to her. Next time if she gets into it, tell her that you are really happy with your choice, and although you understand her choice to eat meat, this is what is best for you and your family and leave it at that. you'll seem so diplomatic about it that she will not know what to say!
But more then anything be happy with the healthy and animal friendly choices you have made. :)

Answer 6

Thank them for their concern and let it all slide. You can say something like, if it gets too hard I can always go back to being a carnivore. That way she will feel you are safe in some way. I am sure people could make arguments that were pro-slavery back in the day, it doesn't mean they are valid arguments. If your friend was a devout alcoholic and you were drying out she would equally have a list of things that would make it sound like you were being "deprived." I was pregnant and some woman said to me, "Oh, that's bad that you can't drink (alcohol) in the summer." It's pretty sad that she would think that some of life was missing if you couldn't booze it up in the summer!
It's your life, your choices and you will be fine. www.vegsource.com for health info to support your meatlessness.
You can too change the world...by graciously setting a good example.

Answer 7

Breaking up is hard to do. Courtesy of Neil Sedaka. Still, the sentiment is true. Sounds as if it came as a shock and he is hurt, feeling bewildered, not ready to let go. I'm not going to give you encouragement to ignore him. You need to confront him when you are calm and rational, the both of you. You say you still love him but he is not the one and if for that reason alone he deserves an explanation of where you are coming from. Let him know you will talk to him when you are ready to explain yourself. It is the right thing to do no matter how hard.

Answer 8

You're absolutely right. You shouldn't worry about her opinion. In fact, if it bothers you this much... I'd let her know. Say that you have your beliefs and she has hers and you'd rather they not get in the way of your friendship.

My friends give me a hard time too... mostly my best friend's husband... whom I wouldn't associate with at all (he's an outspoken *** in general, but takes extra pleasure in trashing my diet choice even as he suffers from high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity & hemacromatosis - all of which could be lessened or eliminated if he cut the meat!) if he weren't married to my best friend. I usually just completely ignore his comments, but some days he gets to me. It just gets old after awhile. I've been vegetarian for 2yrs... you'd think they'd learn to accept it.

Answer 9

Awwww! I get into monster-conversations like this all the time. Sometimes the people mean well and other times, they don't.
I know she's your friend, but maybe you must now set some boundaries. Since the conversation upset you this much, you might want to let her know that you'd rather not talk about that with HER. Of course, don't just offer it out of the blue. If she brings it up again, gently let her know that it's your life and your decision. Let her know that you are perfectly happy eating what you eat and not eating what you don't want to eat.
There are certain things that my best friend & I refuse to talk about anymore b/c it just leads to trouble....but that's okay. He's still my friend. :-)
I say, more power to you in your efforts and beliefs. You ROCK on so many levels. Try to let it roll off your back. Peace to you, sister and a big HIGH FIVE!

Answer 10

I often think that people that who feel the need to offer their unsolicited opinion of those who make choices that are not "the norm" (for them) should look to their own lives and fix their own issues!

As far as the first and last quotes -- the MAJORITY of people that I know and see on the streets know nothing about nutrition and are not making good choices. Why pick on v&v's? They're at least making a conscious choice about their diet and environment.

Your son's friends -- that would be the friends' problem. Many kids don't eat enough nutritious foods, and sadly, their parents don't encourage them. Your son should not worry about what they think.

Cheese and milk...many people are lactose intolerant. As my best friend says "milk is for baby cows".

You can't change the world -- why the heck not? You can change your immediate piece of it. If more people made the conscious decision to follow their conscience and be a better caretaker of their bodies, families and environment, the world would change for the better.

Don't let pushy people inflict their opinions on you. Tell her that you cherish her friendship, but that the topic is now off limits. That it's upsetting you and stress isn't healthy. Actually, I'm not a vegan. But I do believe that people need to make their own informed decisions about their own lives and health (and uninvited, should not tell others what to do, unless they're doing something actually dangerous to themselves and/or others.)