she will never change that is why her own sister & other family members never come around. is there hope? this has been going on for 2+ years and i may have to leave him sad as it may be for this reason. he is nice but can never keep a woman. i now see why. i love her she just wont let go. advise? remember this he is not gonna put his mother out lady # 1.
2007-05-18 23:47:18 · 10 answers · asked by Savanna 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You definitely have insight into your situation. That is a good start. Your hubby has been dealing with this his entire life and may be comfortable with it, so nagging him about will get you nowhere. You sound like you understand that. What you might try is calmly expressing your feelings. Sit down with him and let him know you feel smothered by her uninvited attention. You appreciate her, but would like the dose reduced. If you married a man with empathy and you are his primary companion he will participate in resolution. If he is not you will see your real hubby for the first time. Good luck and may he be grown enough to make the change.
2007-05-19 01:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by Healthy Lifestyle Geek 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's always been this way, chances are he isn't going to change. There are some good books on setting personal boundaries. If you really love him, you will do a little research, pick out some good books, and sit down together and read them and see if the two of you can come up with small, baby steps, to set more boundaries. Don't pressure him to change immediately overnight. AND of course, let him know that you wouldn't be asking him to do this if you didn't feel like you had no privacy. He has to understand that this level of MIL involvement is too much for you, and it is a serious problem. If he doesn't recognize how awkward and frustrating this is for you, he may not really make an effort. Then, as I was saying, set really small goals. If she calls every day, then the first step would be to cut back one day a week for a month. Then move on to two days a week for a month etc....small, graduated, baby-steps....good luck!
2007-05-19 07:03:14 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is his mother living with you and your fiance? OR are you both living in his mother's house?
Whenever there is an issue within a marriage or soon to be married regarding the partner's parent, then it is up to the child of the parent to speak with the mother.
Something in your posts seems odd and maybe you are using the mother-in-law as an excuse to get out of the relationship. What you said was: "he is nice but can't keep a woman." You don't seem to have very high standards of the man you are planning to marrying.
You are 46 and you should be able to sit down and talk with your fiance about the situation.
2007-05-19 06:55:50 · answer #3 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you do not want company...lock your door. Maybe put a note on the door to say you are napping. I had this problem with my father in law also...He walked into the house at a very embarrassing time, he never made the mistake again. I really do think you should talk to her and tell her that you enjoy her company but that you need some privacy. Tell her to not come visit after a certain time. Sometimes it is hard for parents to cut the strings.
2007-05-19 06:54:06 · answer #4 · answered by ridder 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I have got older(58) I have found it pays to be honest. e.g. I appreciate your concern and your helpfulness,however I feel I /we need time to get to know one another. We also need time alone to do this.But how about we make one day a month(week /fortnight) when we have tea /lunch together,so we can catch up.
If this doesn't work & you do not get your partner's support maybe you would be better off out of this situation. Your partner needs to grow up & realise YOU should be his no 1 lady & his mothershould be happy to takea step back.
I have told all my children & their partners & step children if they need us, we are there,.But will not interfere and if they do something different or ask me to do something different to what I am used to I ask them why they do it that way As I may learn something. NEVER TOO OLD TO LEARN !!
2007-05-19 07:10:05 · answer #5 · answered by Sandy B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your mother-in-law a televesion and get her episodes of the sopas that come on TV. she might keep quiet and wont come in the way.
2007-05-19 07:05:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much you can do other than confront her maybe, but you and your husband have to stand behind one another. It most likely isn't going to get better. Sorry to hear what your going through and good luck!
2007-05-19 06:51:28 · answer #7 · answered by breazyizdabomb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in absence of social security in india mothers have to be taken care by the son ,you have love him more to win him over
2007-05-22 11:52:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him an ultimatum, her or you. You'll find out which one means more.
2007-05-19 06:50:41 · answer #9 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let them have each other.
2007-05-19 07:05:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋