is it wrong not to cry or be emotional when a family member dies?

Question

i have lost 3 close family members within the last three years and i didn't feel any sorrow for any of them. my wife jokingly calls me heartless and i'm starting to belive it. i'm i truly heartless for not crying and showing any emotion during these times

Answer 1

No every one handles situations differently. When my Grandfather recently passed i was happy for him, it was better than living in pain which is what he had been doing.

Answer 2

It does not make you heartless it is just that you maybe one of those kind of people that realize that death is a part of everyday life. Or you could be a religious individual that knows that the ones you love are no longer suffering. Or maybe you were not close to the family memebers that died.

Sometimes it is easier to cry alone than in front of people. Or maybe you are in shock and it has not hit you that you have had 3 family members die.

No one is completely heartless if the meanest and most hateful person on earth has a heart.

Some just pick times they wish people to see that.

Answer 3

No it is not.
People grief differently and at different times. When my grandmother died I didn't cry. But I cried my heart out for her almost a year and a half later, when a trip triggered something, some memory maybe, and I ended up in a church crying my heart out for her...

Also if those family memebers were ill or old, or dying for some time, maybe you had time to process the fact that they were going to die before they actually did, so you have alleviated your gief before the actual event.
If they were suffering from an illness or old age, their passing may have registered as a relief to you.
If you are religious, maybe the belief they are going to a better place made you not feel grief.
And maybe, though close family, they were not really part of your life, so besides the blood relation you had with them they were not emotionally close to you.

Answer 4

Not at all.. I think emotion is an absolutely chaotic impulse; There are many times I should have cried but didn't, others I couldn't keep myself from bawling, I don't understand at all b/c I'm usually a pretty level-headed person, but at the last funeral I was at. I was the only one looking like a total maniac crying throughout the whole thing. It's almost like the heart knows what the mind can handle in terms of pain and suffering. -Which is way more than I can fathom.

Answer 5

Really you are not heartless in my opinion because some people just shut down from emotion due to being in denial. It doesn't mean you are heartless it just means you have your own way of dealing with it. You might try to find a way to deal with it by letting it out because you don't want it to build up so much that you explode. I am sorry to hear about you r family members that you have lost.

Answer 6

You feel what you feel; I don't think you should manufacture a bout of crying just to convince someone else of what you feel. In particular, if you were prepared for the deaths of these people, I'd say you are a bit less likely to cry, especially if you know that they are free from suffering. My grandmother died at almost 96 years of age, and when she died, I didn't cry. I miss her, and I often wish I could talk to her, but I knew that she was ready to go (this was something she expressed any number of times), and so I simply look back on her life and am glad that I had the chance to know her.

Answer 7

It doesn't mean your heartless, everyone deals with it in different ways. Some people ,instead of crying, they clean the house, start exercising, anything to keep their mind off of it. It just depends on who you are. Everyone grieves differently. Remember the sooner you face it and start the grieving process the better it will be for your mental health.

Answer 8

keeping your emotions intact isn't a good idea. Emotions can dam up like water and then overflow unexpectedly and then you'll be in an emotional mess.

That is if you have emotions????

But I reckon you believe that being a male you have to be strong and not cry .

This doesn't work long term. Males should cry occasionally because it's healthy to cry. It doesn't have to be in public. But crying is good for the soul. Check it out.

Answer 9

I wouldn't say you are heartless. Eveyone handles deaths their own ways. You don't feel anything for their deaths? Or you just didn't cry? The fact of the matter is you don't have to cry in order to feel sad for someone passing. Are you dealing with it in any other ways?

This is obviously just how you handle it. There is nothing wrong with you.

Best wishes!

Answer 10

I don't think ur heartless. Sometimes, I displace myself from the real world and don't feel any emotion. I probably would only cry if my boyfriend died because he is my heart and soul. It just depends on the person.

Answer 11

its not wrong to cry,its hard for some people to show emotions when a family member dies,but down the road it will hit you really hard,i'm not saying now or anytime soon,but it will happen and you're nnot heartless.