A good friend of mine caught his girlfriend in bed with another man. Looking for advice.?

Question

After 4 months of what was supposed to be a monogamous arrangement. He caught his girlfriend in bed with another man, whom he knew. She claims she was drunk but takes full responsibility for her actions. He believes this may have been going on for some time, as he found that they had a lunch date together a month prior to being caught. My friend says he loves her, but the trust is no longer there. Is there hope here. She is heartbroken over the mistake. Anyway, I told what good advice is available here, so he told me to give it a try. I know she is trying hard to reconnect this relationship, but he appears distant and suspicious.

Answer 1

Let me guess - He's a nice guy that financialy spoils this girl and the guy she was boinking is a bad boy with a motorcycle, muscles, tattoos and no job?

Answer 2

You aren't attracted to him, dont trust him and dont respect him. That's really all that's important, you should leave him. Get a divorce and part ways. Unfortunately he will still have contact with the kids and get weekend visits. The courts may question his ability to parent with the spanking and lack of income but prepare yourself for him getting weekends alone with them. Being divorced isn't a big deal anymore and it sounds like you will be much happier even as a single mum. (at least you will only have 2 kids to take care of without him). The process wont be pleasant, my mum's divorce lasted 2 and a half years.. but my dad was vindictive and determined to destroy her in the process. She would still tell you that it was the best choice she ever made. Hang in there, get a divorce and make sure you don't say or do ANYTHING that can be used against you until the divorce is finalised. It will be difficult but it's important not to do anything vindictive no matter what he does and how much he deserves it. Keep copies of everything he sends you, and everything you send him too. Don't have an affair, it will just add more complications to an already messed up situation. Once you are divorced, have the custody sorted out and are finally free of all of this... then you will be free to look for whatever makes you happy. Goodluck with it.

Answer 3

If one is reluctant and one is willing to try the relationship again, there is nothing wrong with trying a professional counselor who has seen this a lot of times and may have easy solutions to some of the problems.

It can't hurt; It might help.

At least there may be better ground rules set so that everyone knows they are in concrete - not just being guessed at as being the rules by both parties.

Each party can still walk away from it - just understanding each other's differences a little better, and knowing what not to do in the next relationship.

Answer 4

My boyfriend cheated on me once in what I though was the first time and got another girl pregnant I took him back took in his baby as my own then a few months later he got a new job and while I was snowed in at work he brought another girl to our house and slept with her in our bed . Then when I threw him out I found out he cheated on me like 15 times in a little over two years. In my experience I've always found once a cheated always a cheater not just in my cases but in lots of other peoples your friend is right to feel the way he feels. He deserves better then that everyone does. She doesn't feel heartbroken about doing it she feels heartbroken about getting caught. If she was that worried about hurting your friend what was she doing at lunch and in bed in the first place.

Answer 5

it will take a VERY long time for him to gain her trust back, if ever at all. if they continue the relationship, he'll always be suspicious of what she's doing. eventually, she'll get fed up of him being that way, even though it's her fault. it may not be a good idea for them to go on, especially if she's cheating on him only 4 months into the relationship. if she's bored this early on, it's best to just end it now.

Answer 6

She will cheat again. Almost certain. She is a liar and probably is a little emotionally detached. Here is the problem, my friend. If you tell him that, it won't do no good. He's addicted to the chaos she's emmitting. If she feels you are a threat to the relationship (by trying to help him) she will make him choose. Her or you. Thats the problem. He'll probably take her side and distance himself from you. So you could leave it alone OR you can tell him to get rid of her. She's no good. Want proof? Tell him to dump her, and when he kicks your friendship to the curb and is no longer talking to you, she's free game. I guarentee she'll give it up to you. And he'll hate you for it. But he'll forgive her. She's bad news.

Answer 7

For any relationship to prosper, it has to be based on trust.
Since his GF is taking full responsibility for her actions, then might as well leave it at that.

He has to get out of that relationship since it has been tainted with dishonesty. Although his GF is working hard to reconnect with him, there will always be doubts on her integrity. She cannot be trusted again.

If in the future, if their paths cross again, then he might consider it. But for now, the best will be to end it.

Answer 8

If there is no trust then the relationship will always be hard. He may always wonder what she is doingwhen she is not with him. She will not be able to have male friends without him becoming paraniod. They need to sit down together and talk and see if they are both able to overcome this completely and set it in the past without bringing it up again. If the answer is no then they may need to go their seperate ways.

Answer 9

Personally I'd break up with her, but if I really loved this girl, I'd consider giving her another chance. That's a tough call especially when it's not you in that position.

I agree that without trust though, the relationship is going to be hard to save.

Answer 10

Trust is a delicate thing. If she's serious about stopping this nonsense, it all depends on whether he wants to look beyond this and move on. If he does, he must work very hard in rebuilding the trust. She, of course, must do her part to help him. It won't be easy, but it can be done.