Opinions please...?

Question

I was invited to a bridal shower for a member of my husband's extended family. I am not attending this shower because I have no babysitter for my 3 children (and I also don't care too much to go anyway) and the invitation was addressed to only me, not me and family. After telling one of my in-laws (who is not hosting this shower, nor has anything to do with it other than attending herself) that I was not attending because the invitation wasn't addressed to "me & family" she said, "Oh it's ok, you can bring them, she won't care." I was appalled at this response for a few reasons:

1. She is not hosting this so how can she say who is welcome and who is not.
2. My in-laws constantly arrive at functions with party crashers and it annoys me to no end.
3. What would make her think that 3 kids would want to sit at a bridal shower, or that the other guests would want to contend with them?

What do you think of her response?

I didn't I would have to go into this.. I said I don't have a babysitter so obviously my DH can't watch them (he has to work). I also didn;t say that I wasn;t going because I was the only one invited... so what exactly am I ignorant of?

Also, I don' hate my in-laws, I just hate their ettiquette (or lack there of). Can't anyone just answer the question posed?

Answer 1

after reading your questions and fully understanding it

you are right she has no right to tell you that it would be OK for you to bring your children .........aren't most bridal showers PARTY'S? with drinking and games that would be no place for kids

1 she is not the host and can not invite anyone
2 it is rude to bring uninvited guests to party's or functions with out prior OK from host
3 no one wants kids at a party and kids will not have any fun at this kind of party


dont you just love being told how you feel by others that dont even know you at all

Answer 2

Her response was completely clueless of etiquette knowledge. Also, you are ignorant of something too. While many showers these days are couples showers where men, women and whole families are invited there was a time when bridal showers were just women. And maybe they want it an adult only shower. Maybe the hostesses have some adult-colored party games they want to play that would be inappropriate for children. I wouldn't NOT attend simply because I was the only one invited. But, if you don't have a sitter then you just don't have a sitter. .....why can't your husband watch the kids if he wouldn't be going???

Answer 3

1. She isn't hosting the shower, therefore she has no right to say one way or the other.
2. Your in-laws sound rude, no offense intended.
3. You are right. 3 kids wouldn't want and the bride to be differently wouldn't want to make them.
Do what I do. Send a gift and a note to the bride personally saying that you are sorry for not attending however you couldn't find a babysitter on such short notice. Or that the babysitter called at the last minute and cancelled.

Answer 4

I think the same thing you do. But since this is something she typically does (bring uninvited guests to parties), she may not know any better.

Next time you get a response like that from her, say "Oh, the bride may not care but the hostess would. After all, she has to worry about seating and how much food to prepare and the fact that the children weren't invited to an *adult* function."

I how she didn't show up at your wedding with six extra cousins!

Answer 5

It's rude. First, your children were not invited to the shower; therefore, you should not bring them. Bridal showers are for women only, sometimes young children attend. But mostly, it's for women to get away, chat, eat, and watch the bride open gifts. It's not a playground for young children.

Your in-laws are very wrong. I wouldn't say anything, it's not worth a fight. Just remember to raise your children with your mentality about invites.

Answer 6

She may have just been trying to be nice.... I wouldn't think anybody would want children at their bridal shower, unless they already had their own and were including them, in which case the invitation would have stated that this was a child friendly event. Ignore the nosy one and send off your letter of regret at not being able to attend.

Answer 7

I always thought bridal showers were a women only function and not a family gathering. In any event, if it's a family member a gift is in order if you attend or not.

Answer 8

She was rude to extend the invitation on behalf of the host. I expect that she meant well, and was trying to make you feel comfortable going. However, if I were the host/hostess I would find it rude, and if I were you I would have chosen not to attend also - simply because of the children.

Answer 9

She was probably saying it to be nice, even if it wasn't her place to do so, and you felt like you were being pressured against your will. You're upset because you really don't want to go, were happy you had a great excuse, and naturally got defensive when an alternative to your perfect alibi for not going was even remotely suggested. I think there's a larger issue you have with your inlaws that's at play here, not her response. For the record, I agree with your 3 points, even if I don't really think that's why you're not going. But, your in-laws are going to be around for the length of your marriage, and it's best to not obsess on what you hate about them. Bow out of the occassion gracefully, send a gift, and don't think about it anymore.

Answer 10

I"m sorry but if its family i don't consider it crashers...why are Americans so uptight about this stuff...unless its a bachelorette party then by all means no kids or husband. ITs just a family gathering. (i'm just generalizing). but you should ask the hostess if they can go if you want them to go. and finally...those with manners don't gossip ,or whatever your doing is called ,and stay quiet. talk about rude.