What do you do to a 4year old that doesn't seem to listen to you and id defiant?

Answer 1

call the super nanny

Answer 2

I am a regular poster on the Nanny911 forums, and this is one question that we are constantly asked. I may have the answer to your question. I also am a Psychology major at a southern University and am specializing in child psychology.

One response already said it best: Consistency.

DO NOT spank (I could give you fifteen valid reasons why spanking is not the right course of action). Time outs DO work if done properly-- some say that at the end of the time out you should have the child apologize, but I do not agree. Making a child apologize is doing nothing more than teaching a child to lie (by saying they are sorry when they truly are not sorry) and teaches a child that the word sorry is the "cure all" for any misdeeds.

I advise that if a child mouths off, or hits, then they get sat on the Time Out chair. If they get up, then keep putting them back and simply say "you are on time out and must sit there until your time is up" (the one minute per year of their age is best, so for your child it would be four minutes). At the end of their time out, explain why their behavior was wrong (such as "when you hit, it causes hurt to someone else, and hurting others is not acceptable.") Then ask them to make amends for their behavior. If they hit another child (or you) ask them what would make them feel better if someone hit them. Offer suggestions (such as "I know when I get hit, I feel better when the person who hit me tells me that they are sorry and won't hit me again." or "When I get hit, I feel better when the person who hit me offers me a hug or a hand shake.". This teaches the child not just that the behavior is bad, but why the behavior is bad, and what they can do to fix it. It teaches problem solving skills, and makes them accountable for their misdeeds.

I would have to know exactly what the situations are when they are being defiant (different situations call for different solutions), but whatever method you use, always be consistent, and always get down on the four year old's eye level and talk in a calm tone. Never yell, never accuse and never over explain. Make it short, sweet, and to the point, otherwise it just instigates the situation further, keeping it going.

But most of all, remember this: Children learn from us adults, so always set the example for the child. Teach the four year old how to talk out their frustration, anger, etc. so they learn how to communicate their feelings instead of acting out. The child's behavior problems could be as simple as not having the verbal or processing skills needed to communicate how they feel, and so they act out. When a child feels frustrated and doesn't know how to communicate that, they will lash out, either physically or verbally or both. So teach the child how to communicate better, and let the child know that you understand how they are feeling (frustrated, angry, etc.) but that there are certain ways to handle that, and the way they handled it is not acceptable. Show them the proper ways to handle it.

In doing so, you will see much change in the attitude and behaviors of that four year old.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Reasoning is not in a four year old vocabulary. You are the parent and should act as such. While I don't believe in beating a child or abusive language I do believe the child must know there are consequences for bad behavior up to and including spanking. It worked for all of my children (6) Just don't forget to make sure the child knows how much you love them along with your guidance toward their future.
Florida Daddy

Answer 4

The first thing to do is recognize that this is part of development. Your child has just discovered his/her own identity and is trying to test and redefine the lines to see what freedoms he/she has now and what he/she can handle. It is part of growing up. You do NOT have to accept it though. Help him set limits for himself and set limits where he cannot. Teach him respect by respecting him, let him make choices where he can and just help him deal with the frustration when he can't. Emotions aren't wrong, ever. Behavior can be though. Give him a good reason to listen to you, listen to him. Discipline means to teach, not to punish. I always try to find a way to teach my sons why and how to be good men, not to make them mind me. Don't do anything TO him, help him grow with grace and self-respect.

Answer 5

* Removal of basic unspoken rights- He/She must ask to go to the bathroom, ask for a drink, ask to go play etc.
* Paddling- Use the countdown method " you've got till I count to three, then you get a smack" Pre-warning, then carrying out the threat- They soon figure out that you mean business.
* Using the corner- in the corner for a set period of time, if they move before then, the time escalates- and the places they have to sit become more uncomfortable; corner, then bath, then stool etc This one does work, as we've tested it with all three, and will do so with #4.
*Send him/her to visit the strictest grandma- then when they come back tell them that the trip was a taste of how you will treat them from now on. I was 5 when my parents did that- it was for 2 days, and She was an old fashioned wooden spooner.... Mum says I was pretty good after that.

Answer 6

Time out and the old fashion, spanking. Still works wonders.

Answer 7

i have two kids like that 3 and 4 yrs old and i have to yell and do time out, i dont hit but then they pay attention when you yell. or take something away they like, i always hide it and give it back when they are good, i get tired having two bad kids but im sure they will get better like yours will too

Answer 8

tune it all out, do ur job, unless ur a the mother or father, u need to work soemthing out with ur child, and spend time with it, kids dont like to be "abandonned" so take him/her outside and play, get ice cream watch a movie, eat popcorn
ETC!

Answer 9

I have a 4 & 5 year old and they are kinda bratty. Everyone keeps telling me CONSISTANCY. I don't know. If you find out let me know.

Answer 10

TIME OUT! one minute for each year of age. and explain WHY they are in time out and make them apologize. keep doing time out until they behave.