I am happily married. I love my husband. He does limit me to who I can talk to and how often I see people (like my girlfriend tonight). He works night shift and likes me to be home. Before him, I had some and still do have some great guy friends who want to spend time with me--just as friends. I told him I had coffee with one last week and he did not get mad, since I had not seen the guy since our wedding day. Now my old guy friend wants me to go to a baby shower with him tomorrow. I don't want to lie but I don't want to miss out on life either. Why can't I do things with my guy friends that I would like to do? Why can't I see my girlfriend when I want? He knows I would never ever cheat on him. I worry that life is gonna just pass me by. I have been good to my husband--I have paid all the bills since we married due to his drug addiction treatment and he is doing so well. I just want everything good in my life. I am a good person, but I just expect more I guess.
2007-05-18 16:17:39 · 5 answers · asked by just julie 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He doesn't like me going anywhere because he thinks guys are going to flirt with me.
2007-05-18 16:18:09 · update #1
Wow!!!!! All of these answers are great!! I am having trouble choosing the best one. I thank everyone who took the time to try and help me. I think you all have much input that is correct.
2007-05-19 03:29:00 · update #2
I am a married man and I would never tell my wife that she couldn't see her girlfriends. As far as guy friends, she has always had more guy friends than girlfriends, but they all live in another state. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with my wife going out with guy friends every week or on a regular basis. My wife invited me to go to lunch with she & a guy friend when we were dating and I thought it was cool that she included me and wanted her friend and I to meet. I think husbands are more comfortable if they know the other guy & are maybe friends with him, too. Just be sensitive to the situation and put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel about him meeting up with female friends regularly? Think it over & you'll make the right decision for you. Good luck and be happy.
2007-05-18 16:29:26 · answer #1 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lets see here. i cant say that im oh so experienced with dating people. but there are some guidelines. If these are right or not i do not know. But here goes. ALL guys; 1. when you are out on a date with a girl, do not chomp your food so that we can see everything in your mouth. 2. adding on to that rule.. dont talk with your mouth full of food!! 3. You never make the girl pay for the dinner. and if you are at the movies. pay for the tickets then make an agreement for her to pay for the popcorn, drinks, or candy/whatever. 4. Girls think its cute when the guy asks if he can kiss her before he makes the move, so that if she isnt ready you arent just laying one on her, and making her uncomfortable. 5. When she just stands there staring at you , dont just smile back akwardly at her and look in the other direction or face forward! Pull her in and kiss her, so that way [ if you are outside] you are keeping her warm at the same time! Also it is very very cute. 6. When you are ordering food, try to get food that wont make your breath smell later [ incase] you end up kissing she doesnt get a taste of what you had at the restaurant. 7. When just talking to a girl on a first date [or second] dont start talking about marriage and children. Its your first date! that is WAY too much pressure on her. and on top of that is majorly akward. Unless you have been going out for a very long time and/ or both feel like it is comfortable to talk about that subject/ area. 8. Never answer your cell if it rings when you are on a date. It is very rude. Especially if it is another girl, it makes your date feel like she is unimportant and like you are a major player and a jerk. So i think that is all i have for now.
2016-03-19 08:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, there aren't any written or unwritten rules really...marriages are what two people make of it...and you make your own rules as you go along...
Your problem, is that when you were making the rules, you didn't object & discuss them like you should have, and now you are suffering the consequenses. Like not being able to see your girlfriends (whihc, btw, is completely unreasonable)That is really hard to undo.
It really depends on how easy it is for you to talk to your husband as to how easy it is going to be for you to change the "rules" you two have made for each other...
Regarding the baby shower, do yourself a favor...and much as it sucks, skip it...what is more important is working on changing the "rule" than breaking it discreetly...and you will only make it harder for yourself to change it if you break it right before trying.
what you need to work on doing is make your friends his friends as well...have a brunch at your home on a sunday...help him with his insecurities by helpng him get to know who you are going to be around...then talk to him about changing things because it is making you unhappy...
He has to come to the realization that what matters if you get flirted with is your response...not the fact you are being flirted with...and if you can't do it yourself, then I suggest you try marriage counseling...before it becomes something you resent and hurts your marriage..
2007-05-18 16:30:04 · answer #3 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you describe is disturbing to me. The reason it's disturbing is it reminds me of my former marriage and how things were. Now, admittedly it was partly my fault because I didn't stand up for myself or speak my mind about how I felt about things. But I was not "allowed" to do anything I wanted to do without my husband's permission. What happened was after 12 years of marriage I woke up one day and realized I didn't exist.
You say he limits you to who you can talk to and how often. Have you told him you're not comfortable with this arrangement? No one, including your husband, has the right to tell you who you can spend time with and who you can't. That's controlling and shows a lack of trust on his part.
Your husband may be concerned about your guy friends and something happening between you and them. Invite him to join in some of your activities with them so he can see he has nothing to worry about. If he refuses, that's on him but at least you're not trying to hide anything.
You're right you don't want to lie to him. So don't. Let him know you're going out and who you're going out with. Don't ask his permission, tell him what you're doing. You have a right to expect more. And you're absolutely right that life will pass you by if you allow this situation to continue.
I would strongly recommend that you address this condition in your relationship with him by being completely honest about how you feel. If he's not willing to change his attitude I would recommend that you both go for counseling to try to work things out. If he refuses to go, you go alone. He may be a great guy but this is not a healthy aspect to your relationship. You say you're happily married but this is something that, if not addressed soon, can become a big problem later on. Better to take care of it now, while you're still happy.
2007-05-18 16:36:29 · answer #4 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Trust and Respect. If you dont have it on both sides you dont have marriage. Also you need to be able to communicate with each other. If you feel you cant then get into couple counseling. But dont EVER lie to do something you want to do. TRUST!
2007-05-18 16:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by Bookworm 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im sure there are guys who are secure enough in themselves to let their wives go out with male friends but to be honest i have not met any. your husband is scared of losing you. so i really dont think he "knows" you wont cheat on him. all and all as sad as it may be i think your relationship is pretty typical. just something u have to work through
good luck
2007-05-18 16:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by kimm0101 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋