What would you do?

Question

...If you love someone with all of your heart, but at the same time have a gut feeling that you deserve to be treated better?

He insists I mean everything to him, yet he doesnt seem to be putting much effort into the relationship. His outlook is-- if it's meant to me, we will be. (Without taking the time to really TRY to make things the best they can be.)

He's a bit careless about his actions towards me (what he says/does and how it makes me feel) Things were GREAT for the first year... but now he seem "too comfortable" like he doesnt need to try for me anymore.

when i talk to him, it gets better for a little while but then it goes back to the usual. he often says "you don't give me any credit for anything." I DO appreciate when he is thoughtful, but I feel as if I should be treated that way regularly, not only when I'm feeling fed up with him.

What can I do to improve the situation?

Answer 1

I can understand the situation you are in. In short, I think you should move on. If you have talked to him about it, that alone needs to tell you that it is a big enough issue that if you end up marrying him, you will eventually not be happy. I do believe people can change but the problem here is that he doesn't care enough about your feelings to pursue the issue and make sure you feel better about things. Has he ever brought it up again and again to make sure he's made things right?
I know it is hard... But, it is bothering you enough to post this question. It's bothering you enough to sit and think about it. And, he obviously doesn't seem to care enough about your feelings to make sure things are right. Make a serious stand for you feelings, see if he fixes it. If not, which I'm sorry to say I don't think he will, respect yourself enough to move on.

Answer 2

This is a very common scenario. As a guy who's guilty of the exact same actions, I can tell you that we men simply don't "feel" the same way women do. Well, by that what I really mean is that we don't show it the same way. We do love our women, we just don't know how to love with all our hearts. I've been with my high school sweetheart for over 15 years... been married for 13. If his mentality is like most, I think sometimes we men get set into "cruise control". That's where you see the action of us "not trying anymore". I used to open car doors and send flowers for every silly anniversary you can think of (first kiss, first date, first time we slept together, whatever...), but 15 years and two kids later, it's like h*ll, we're in it for the long haul now. Let me chill a little bit. No time to open doors now 'cause we're always running late!

Relationships take effort. We may not be able to put forth the visual effort for the long haul, but we do love our women. If he thought you were cheating or flirting with other guys, he would become really jealous if he really loves you (still loves you). If he didn't seem to care at all, then I'd start to worry.

Remember to give him what he wants and you should get what you want in return. Men are simple. You know what we want. Kinky sex, and be treated like we're kings. Caress our egos and you'll get YOUR every whim fulfilled.

Good luck.

Answer 3

I know this must be hard to hear, but I think you should possibly end the relationship or at least take time apart if you are already having doubts. If he's already treating you poorly, then things will only get worse after you marry. This often occurs in relationships after the initial passion wears off (which usually occurs after about 6 months) and the initial euphoria of being in love has subsided (there are actually bodily chemicals that cause this "high"). That being said, you still have to note that he is human and will not always be perfect. Movies have given us women high standards for men that most cannot reach. I guess you just have to ask yourself: is this the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with (even when I'm old and wrinkly)?

Answer 4

If there's a gut feeling, listen to it. It is possible to love someone, although they don't treat others as they should, but ultimately you have to protect yourself and your feelings.

One suggestion: Take some time to yourself, if possible, an afternoon, a day, whatever. Occupy yourself with doing things you wouldn't normally do with him, i.e., get a pedicure, go shopping, try a new sport, etc. T

Then see if you miss him after that time and think about what it is about him that you do love, and make sure that the things that you don't love about him are not going to set your relationship up for disaster. If the things he does really hurts you, then you need to get out of the relationship. If he is willing to work on it, then maybe suggest seeing a counsellor to help work out communication problems.

Sometimes, he may not even realize he hurts your feelings, but if he is intentionally doing it, then honey, there are a lot more fish in the sea.

Answer 5

It's very typical, actually, and fault may not be entirely his.

He says "you never give any credit". Do you? Do you give feedback to him? Do you tell him when he is not acting the way you want him to?

DON'T ASSUME he knows when you think it should have been obvious, because it isn't.

Do two of you ever have time to sit down and talk about each other? I mean, on regular basis? Again, don't assume he should know or should have known - because he doesn't - just the same way you should have known all about him and his feelings.

If you have done all of this, or one of you don't care to do it, then it is a time to re-evaluate your relationship.

The message I want to give you is, DON'T ASSUME he knows because it SHOULD HAVE BEEN OBVIOUS to him. Bring it up often.

Answer 6

Try talking to him about how you're feeling. Maybe he'll listen and try to improve himself. But he might not change himself for you, in which case, you should leave him, because you DO deserve better. Not good, then bad, then good again.

Answer 7

Stop nagging him. I, for one, am far less inclined to behave in a certain way when someone EXPECTS things of me. It's possible that you are being to needy and overbearing. What are you doing to make the relationship better?

Answer 8

find someone you do not have to that dont make you fed up. those shoes are comfortabe why because he has them broke in.you cant teach a ole dog new tricks .you have tryed to many times.why to inprove it .he will just get comfortable again.if he doesnt try why should you good luck.

Answer 9

I was in the same situation. When talking gets you no where you may have to end it if he really cares he'll get you back. It worked for me LOL

Answer 10

Sounds like puppy love.