"Things Happen For a Reason" ?

Question

Have you ever lost a closed loved one and someone says to you when you ask them why God allowed this to happen, things happen for a reason? I know people mean well and it's probably said because of a lack of something else to say...but I don't think it's a very good thing to say.

What reason would God have for taking a child from it's mother? Or a mother from it's child?

And I'm not doubting his plan or spitting on his name or anything...I just genuinely want to know.

Put yourself in their shoes, if you just lost a child, would you want to hear 'things happen for a reason?'

I think it's a phrase that a person has to come to terms with and tell themselves.

And even if you don't believe in God, but this doesn't necessarily have to be about God...maybe you believe in kismet or serendipity.

I just want to know...what makes you tell someone this? It just seems tactless to me for someone's grief.

Answer 1

People struggle to find meaning in the random and meaningless. It is their way of coping and helping others cope. I don't think there is too much to read into the saying, it's a cliche.

Answer 2

As an agnostic, I tend to interpret concepts from multiple points of view:
1) Tragedies require intense coping measures, and the idea that there is reason for the unbearable is a consolation, plus the person most grieved by the event will eventually come to a rationale which she (or he) will find acceptable to explain the inexplicable and thus recover from the most painful period of mourning.
2) A belief in God will endow the faithful with the ability to understand and accept the tragedy as His will, therefore enabling the surviving victim to recover from her (his) anguish to some degree.
3) Supposing that the Cosmos is strictly a physical occurrence without the benefit of a creator or deity, perhaps there are intricate cause and effect laws which predetermine the entire evolution of that Universe to the tiniest detail, by that method ensuring the meaningfulness of all that transpires within it.
Conclusion: "Everything happens for a reason" because either it is predestined, God will eventually reveal the meaning, or it is human nature to rationalize the unbearable in order to survive it.
If it is patently untrue, what does that matter since generally human beings will attempt to resolve tragedies (or lesser happenings) in the most comforting way possible? And, scientifically, there is, after all, a reason (however, unpalatable) why any tragedy transpires: a mutated cell (cancer), someone's carelessness (a fatal accident), a failure of omission (a suicide), a sense of one's indomitability (a drug overdose)...

Answer 3

Ivy, basically all I do is to give my condolences and be a good listener to those who mourn . Sometimes the best witness we can give to others is to say nothing and just be there for them.If they believe or not, most people come to the realization eventually that there was a reason why this happened. But I also think that this time immediately after the death of the loved one it is inappropriate to state the obvious because it does lack class and generally speaking by doing this ,even though these people mean well are drawing attention to themselves which definitely is not the purpose of this event but the celebration of a life.

Answer 4

The truth is that none of us are guaranteed a long life.
If a car smashes into a person crossing the street there is going to be a consequence. If a disease attacks a body there will be a consequence. This is nothing more than the reality of life. If you fall off a tall building there will a consequence.

God is not Santa Clause or a genie in a bottle. He does not wave a magic wand and give us everything we want. Our purpose is not to act like spoiled children constantly begging for more. We love knowing that with love often comes grief, but also knowing that we are never closer to understanding God’s will than when we love unconditionally. And no matter how brief the life, love lives on.

For this reason we are to love one another and value one another as though today is all we have.

Any way you look at it, life is brief, whether the lifespan is one day on ninety years. Either way, in the grand scheme of things it is only a fleeting moment.

The length is not nearly as important as what we do with it each and every day. If we love God then we show our love for God in the way we love one another. We understand the fleeting nature of our mortal life and we make what we can of each day in obedience to God’s will.

And His will is that we love.

Answer 5

I think for this reason I stopped believing. I heard from the Christains about how things happen for a reason after my momma died that I knew there couldn't be a God, especially not the one they all believed in. When a friend loses a family member you simply say "I am sorry. " take it from me
*Things happen for a reason*
*They are in a better place*
*They are not in Pain*
*If you need anything.....*
these trite sayings do nothing to ease the pain as a matter of fact they make the person want to scream becuz they are hearing the same thing over and over..jsut tell 'em you love them are thinking of them - something like that

Answer 6

You are correct, it is very tacky to say "things happen for a reason" when someone is grieving like that.

I remember comforting a mother who'd just lost a child in a car accident. Her grief was at the stage where she simply could not handle that her child had to "go it alone" in Heaven without her. "What if she's scared, what if she has to go to the bathroom (this was a toddler btw) and needs me? She needs me to be there to help her."

You can imagine how she felt. My response to her was that since Heaven is a place where time does not exist, that when her little girl got to Heaven, she (the mother) was already there waiting for her. Several months later she told me that that one little piece of information helped her get through her loss; she liked knowing that in Heaven she was already there with her daughter.

My point is that I find it better to leave the broad generalizations alone and try to deal with what the person is specifically going through at the moment. God will eventually heal them just fine, they just need a hug and some real comfort right now.

Answer 7

For a start up i think of you have been around too many Charismaniacs. God does not preclude reason and effect / reaping and sowing. could you like it if every time you probably did something incorrect a super finger comes out of the clouds and wacked you over the pinnacle? i do no longer think of so. Supernatural issues could be happening left, precise and centre and you may constantly be questioning, why did that take place. What stopped that lady from crossing the line, the line regarded clean. etc etc. very promptly you may tell God to pass away you by myself and assist you stay your existence the way you have chose to, and could say "i'm the grasp of my very own universe." properly your desire is in part granted. A planet the place the god of this international is devil."In whom the god of this international hath blinded the minds of them that have faith no longer, lest the sunshine of the wonderful gospel of Christ, who's clone of God, could desire to polish unto them." 2 Corinthians :4:4 A existence with appropriate justice and peace in the international, will purely take place throughout the Millennium. 1000 years with Jesus ruling over the planet, yet on the threshold of the top maximum will revolt and make conflict against God. Revelation 20. Left to their very own units human beings tend to ultimately kill one yet another for what ever reason. Land, politics, faith, power or money.You call it. Jeremiah 17:9 the guts is deceitful exceptionally issues, and desperately depraved: who could properly recognize it?

Answer 8

Ok, if a friend of mine lost a child I wouldn't say anything...I would just sit with them and be there for them to vent on. If I lost my own child I wouldn't want anyone saying anything to me. Yes, that is something that someone has to come to grips with by themselves. Of course, I wouldn't need someone to tell me that things happen for a reason. I'm a Christian and I realized that fact a long time ago. Every time something bad happens to me I make sure to keep an eye open to see what good it could bring to my life or others. Maybe something I go through today will prepare me to help someone else going through the same thing in the future who isn't as strong as me.
T.D. Jakes wrote something that really helps me....
"You have an appointment iwth God that has been set from the foundations of the earth, and that appointment isn't over until God says it's over. You may think that all of your good days are gone, but the very fact that you are alive says God wants you to be alive. He is not through with you yet. You have an appointment."
So, when you are old don't feel useless because God wants you alive for a reason. And if a child dies young remember that God knows what He's doing. That child had a purpose in this world and obviously filled his/her purpose. That child touched many lives in many ways that haven't even been recognized yet. Maybe someday someone else will lose a child and they won't be able to deal with it. Maybe this person will be able to help them through their ordeal. That childs life was precious and served a great purpose.
Good luck to you and to the person who lost their child. Remember that God loves you and please keep your eye on what you gained from that childs life and try to pass it on to others. God bless.

Answer 9

This seems to me a cope out, Things happen for a Reason. Some reasons aren't good reasons and sometimes things happen for no reason at all. I deal with Death on an almost daily basis in my work and would never say that to a person. I think a better response to Death is I'm sorry what can I do to Help you deal with your loss. Finding reason in death seems kinda heartless the loss of a love one regardless of the reason will seem to high a price for the reason given

Answer 10

I'll give you my example.

My mom died from cancer...I use to live in her home town but I moved across the states to be with my husband at that time. Lets just say hubby was pretty possesive and there is no way I would of made it out of that marriage unless something big like my mom being sick and needing me to get me to move back home to her. Everything does happen for a reason. If she hadn't been sick and needed me back home..I would of been in a horrible marriage and probably wouldn't be here to day.

Events in our lives lead us to where we need to be. We may not understand at the moment when it happens but I look back now on it and its almost two years and I can see why now.

And you know what...If she knew, she wouldnt want it any other way if she could of helped me.

Answer 11

I have lost a child, 5 to be exact 4 miscarriages and one died at birth. It was hard but yes I do believe that all things work to the glory of God. It is not an easy term nor would I use it to comfort another. I would just tell them I am here and I care about them.