how do you get an alcoholic to go to a meeting and realise he is one?

Question

my fiances brother is an alcoholic. he spends way too much money on beer and going out. if he doesnt drink he hides in his room all day and makes excuses not to go to work. he has been living with us for the last 3 months (he did spend some time away) and i am now at my wits end. he doesnt think he has a problem and it is causing drama with me and my fiance who is already under strain.

Answer 1

Hes not going to just realize oh I'm an alcoholic. They dont do that. they have to hit rock bottom first. So I would kick him out or do an intervention. Good luck

Answer 2

He's hiding away in his room because he does not have the drive to get up without a drink - therefore he is living to drink and it has taken over his life. Please dont judge him harshly for this, no one starts drinking with the intention of letting it take over but thats how it works, it creeps in and takes over everything and he wont realise its happened until hes the only one in his world with the bottle and he may have to get worse before he gets better.
He is the only one who can stop himself from drinking. He has to want to do that - all the love and good will in the world wont help if the desire to change does not exist inside him yet.
Please dont turn your back on him. But dont condone his behaviour either. If you sympathise he will think it ok because you understand. Keep a clear stance on your view of his drinking. Dont help him when hes drunk. If he has to crawl up the stairs or throw up over himself, hes an adult. Let him live with the consequences. If he hasnt done so already, he will lose his job if he keeps hibernating every time he doesnt go out for a drink - then it will seem all the more pointless because he will have less time and money to drink - in his eyes, this will mean hes only living for the next handout so he can go the pub or buy more booze.
Not all alcoholics go to meetings. Some do. I did'nt. I did it alone and it was difficult and the process I went through mentally was like a part of me dying before I could start to live again.
You have to be ready to do that, you have to want it more than anything in the world if you want to be sober and stay sober.
And when I did get my life back together, I found that all the people who loved me and cared about me were still there, they hadnt left me - I had left them because my world had closed up and Id lived only for drinking. Im glad the people who care about me still do. And they are proud of me now. Most importantly, Im proud of me too.
So thats me. I think, if |I can do it, any one can. But you have to WANT to.
If you and your fiancee talk to him together when he is sober it may help a little or he may be in denial.
If the rows go on and it strains your relationship maybe he should move out. Could he live with other relatives Would a change help? Also it may help if you try and get to the cause of it all, what started him drinking in the first place? Was it to avoid or to cope with something? But at the end of the day, all you can do is be there for him, but not too much or he'll use you both as a crutch and that wont help him. Try and stay strong with your fiancee and remember its his problem, dont let it become yours. I hope he decides to sort himself out. Let him know you want him to stop harming himself, let him know youre there for him. But the rest is up to him.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, there is nothing you or your fiance can do to make your bro in law quit drinking. He will have to hit his bottom and realize that he needs help. You can only choose to either be a part of his craziness or let go and let God. Alcoholics know they have a problem, but usually either won't admit it or think they can control it. It is so hard to watch someone we love do this to themselves, but we can only take care of ourselves and keep our side of the street clean.
Just remember the 3 C's
You didn't Cause it.
You can't Control it.
You can't Cure it.

A great group for your fiancee and you could be Al Anon. It is a support group for friends and families of alcoholics. They can give you some great insight on alchoholism and the effects it can have on the entire family. Also, some great ideas on how to deal with the problem to help you feel better.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Alcoholics at some level realize what they are but deny it to themselves.
Making him go to a meeting (AA) won't cure him or most people. AA is somewhere between 5 and 12 per cent effective, but as it is anonymous there is no way to validate any statistics. It couldn't hurt though.
Tough love won't cure him, throw him out he'll probably still drink. Look at the winos in the alleys with nothing but rags and a paper bag. Try an intervention. Talk to "professionals". Seek to help yourselves. It maybe that you are enabling him to continue his downward spiral. You can't run someone else life, control your own. IMHO the best advice would be to seek professional advice or you could try Alanon if you think those programs will help.
It won't hurt you.

Answer 5

Have you ever seen the show "Intervention" on A%E?(usually on the weekends.) That's what he needs. If he doesn't realize that's he's an alcoholic, that's a big problem. He needs all his friends and loved ones to say he must go to rehab, or he's shut off completely. You'd have a professional there. Please get the ball rolling on this ASAP. Everyone sits around, and reads their letter to him, how he's ruining his own and all their lives. Get the Kleenex out and good luck. This is tough love, but it's important. Especially if you're getting married!! He can't be living with you.

Answer 6

Ok. you can not make an alcoholic admit they are or make them go to meetings. Ever. They have to get to a point that they want to do it for themselves. My Dad is an alcoholic and I have watched him kill himself for years. I spent years trying to help, then thinking I was at fault. But neither was the case. My Dad is an alcoholic because he chooses to be and he will never get better until he chooses to. You either need to ask your brother in law to move out or just step back and distance yourself from the problem. I know that sounds cold, but there just isn't any other way that I know of.

Answer 7

He's going to have to hit rock bottom first. You can't force it. It
has to be his decision. This may take years. You and your fiance need to talk. If he's serious about you. He will understand where you're coming from. It's probably stressing him out too. It's hard to throw a loved one out. However, this will be the first step to his acknowledging that he has a problem. Best wishes. I sympathize with you. P.S. Let him know when he's ready to get help you will be there for him. (That does not mean he moves back in).

Answer 8

You need to toss him out and now! Recovering Alcoholic 25 years, I know it may sound hard but I'm from the old school. You have to hit bottom if you keep bailing him out he never will hit bottom.

Answer 9

You don't make an alcoholic do ANYTHING except have another drink so forget about getting him to a meeting. First and foremost, get him out of your house. Now. Not later. He will ruin your relationship so he has his brother all to himself. Get him out. Now, now, now.

Answer 10

I agree with Rachel L. You need for him to leave your home. He also sounds like a toxic person who will wind up poisoning the relationship between you and you fiance. This sounds heartless but, if he moves out, he has to be responsible for himself.