What do you do with a kid who graduated a year ago with no plans or goals?

Question

He works as a restaurant table "busser". He isn't motivated to go to school and doesn't want to join the military. He's had it pretty easy in life. He has never experienced anything traumatic (like divorce) and has no particular interests other than playing his guitar. He's driving us crazy! Any suggestions?

This is my son.............living at home. We've had many calm discussions.

Answer 1

you can't just throw him out if you didn't raise him to be self motivated. Take a look at how you raised him. Did you discuss goals, ambitions, future plans, dreams. If not maybe your too late- but now is the time to start trying. Don't come at him full forced and ready to pounce. He may not be self motivated but you could help him attain those tools.
Heck we are already talking to our kids (5 and 9) about college and careers. Maybe they will end up the same way as your son. If so at least I know that's not the reason and try to figure out what is. I never had anyone discuss those things with me and it took me awhile to figure it out on my own. Would have been nice to have someone try to give me some help in that area. Before you kick him to the curb- analyze the situation and see if he is really taking advantage of a situation or lost. You need to communicate with him.

If you have spent your life as his parent preparing him for his life as an adult then you still need to talk with him and find out whats going on. Maybe he suffers depression or some sort of fear of being on his own, he could very well just be lazy- but talk with him in a non confrontational and non-condescending way- to try to get to the real core of the problem.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Does he support himself? Does he have his own apartment and pay his own bills? If so, I'm not sure there is a lot you can do.

But if he lives at home and you control the purse strings, that's another story. I would talk to him and try to find out if he has any plans/goals and make a plan together to achieve those goals. Like, steps. If not, I'd "help" him with those steps by requiring him to either start classes at a local college or start paying rent.

He might just need a little time, but take it from someone who "took a year off" and is now 30 and STILL hasn't finished her degree. I decided to work, instead, and I regret it. My parents were wonderful parents, but in hindsight I think they would have had a little higher expectations for me.

An 18-19 year old often isn't mature enough to think long term and motivate themselves.

Maybe since he's interested in music you could provide some kind of incentive like concert tickets, or guitar lessons? Or maybe he might like to go to college and major in music?

Good luck!

Answer 3

I so agree with Martin, and really wonder about the rest of the answerer's- such hostility.... I wonder why your son is driving you crazy? Do you want him to leave? If so, then talk to him about it, hopefully with a loving approach. If it's because you want him to be focused in a different way, then perhaps you yourself might try to take a deep breath and realize that how you view and express your role as a parent might be due for an overhaul.
Some kids just need some time after school ends to sit back and consider what they do want to do. Now that it is up to him, he might need time to process who he is beyond the necessity of having to be in school. You can choose to be comfortable with that and not go crazy- as long as he contributes to the family in an adult way, and follows the rules of the house, then why not?
My son hated school - it was horrible for him. He is a very bright person, but he also had no deep driving desire to become this or that. Once he got out, he too just wanted to work. So I just let go, and encouraged him to be self-sufficient. He wound up never going to college at all, and yet he has an excellent position in a computer peripherals firm, already making a wonderful living-at 20. Have faith in your parenting and your son, and relax! Keep encouraging him to do the things he loves, be self responsible, and he'll figure out what it takes to live on his own. Good luck!

Answer 4

At least he has a job - it's something. Why not encourage him to take one or two courses at nightschool. Get him to a career counsellor. I would not suggest kicking him out. That is not the ideal thing, this kid, maybe is just 'confused' or unsure of what he wants to do in life. Does he pay rent, or contribute to the household?

I don't want to suggest an ultimatum, but for lack of a better term - maybe an ultimatum is the answer - either take some courses at school or try to get a better job....
Maybe there is something deep down inside him that is bothering him and he can't talk about???

Answer 5

i think of you recognize what to do yet are in seek of confirmation. It sounds like he's down on his success and specific lacking the youngsters and in keeping with probability you. until you're keen to assist him back and get him back on his ft, keep him at a distance. If he went this far downhill earlier contacting you, then you certainly can effectively anticipate that obtaining back with you replaced into no longer his first decision. Be very careful. i could say, permit him %. himself up and grow to be financially stable earlier even thinking getting back jointly. If he nonetheless needs then you definately, you may properly be a splash greater confident that this is you he needs and not purely some money to get out of a bind. placed it to him bluntly. you're no longer Obama and there is not any bailout coming. tell him to do what he desires to do to come again on his ft, and then take it from there.

Answer 6

I took a year off school before college. Is he paying rent? I'd ask him to at least pay rent if he's 18. Ask him if he's planning on moving out at some point. Just give him hints that its time for him to fly out of your nest. Otherwise you'll end up with someone like my brother, who didn't leave till he was 28.

Answer 7

Sit down and talk to him. Try to avoid hostility, he'll just get defensive and shut down and not be open to anything you have to say. See if there is something he's interested in that you aren't aware of. Are there Guitar Centers near you? See if he would take classes at a community college for music or something.

Answer 8

my cousin is like this, and it's turning into a really bad situation. he's mooching of his mom, stealing from her (we think), and refusing to look for work.

it is very hard to kick your own children out (i'm assuming the kid in questions in yours), but you need to set a deadline of when he needs to be either a)enrolled in college or b)in his own place.

for instance, say that you'll give him 3 months to make the decision of what he wants to do next. at the end of that 3 month period, you either need to start charging him rent/board as you would anyone else or pack his stuff for him. whatever you do, make sure you follow through with it!

seriously, my cousin has been living with his mom for a couple of years now, and the situation has gone from bad to worse, to say the least! don't let it get to that point if you can help it.

Answer 9

not every child has a clear what idea of what he wants to do.


now the child isnt wasteing away doing nothing, he is working, and as long as he continues to work i see no reason to chuck him out the house, thats bad parents and i am shocked that has been suggested. if the kid wasnt doing anything i would agree but he is working, you should be happy for that because some dont even do that.

give him time, it is a confuseing point in his life, and most people have no clue what they want to be or do, sooner or later, he will see something/ find something, sooner then you think.

but as long as the child continues to work and pay rent, i see no problem


i cant belive people have suggest kicking him out of his home simply because he isnt sure what to do with his life, what awful parenting

Answer 10

Serve him an eviction notice, that will give him a wake up call, and that'll make him find an actual job, and his own place to live, if you keep babying him, he'll never leave. Stop cooking for him, don't do his laundry, charge him for any of your food that he eats, start keeping tabs, also, give a curfew, be in by a certain time, or get locked out for the night, he won't like it, but you gotta do it, or he'll keep riding you for all you got.