Hasidic girl in search of answers?

Question

Hello everyone i am new to Yahoo Answers. I am here to ask for advice and guidence. And would like to thank everyone for there support.
I hate my life it is the only life i have ever known, I am 18 and as i get older i find it more difficult to break away from my religion and family. I hate being an hasidic jew, a woman's job is just to breed and have as many children as possible, according to Jewish law that is a woman's obligation and duty. Jewish women arent equal to men and are just seen as a breeding machine..i can't imagine my self living this life, having up to seven kids and not having a career, and following my religion by the way i am an atheist and i don't believe in the Torah i guess i am liberal is just i dont take word for word literally as all jews do. I know i will shame my family and my community if they ever found out about my feelings. There is also something else.....

I have the biggest crush on a (Latino) boy who lives around my area in williamsburg.

am in love with this boy he is so beautiful..But the problem is he is not jewish but latino..i pass by the basketball court with my sisters just to catch a galnce of him and he always smiles at me and i get red,,he once tried to talk to me but i ran from him because were not suppose to talk to anyone outside of our community.. i felt so bad afterwards i know he likes me too...and i want him soo bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't take this anymore what can i do to change my life??? i know if i decide to leave my family and run away i will face great obstacles...i will have no family, friends, and would be all alone..the only education i have to HS because we are not allowed to go to college or thats what my dad says...
how can i make it on my own?

i am also supposed to get married to someone i hate..i can't even own a computer i use the library computer as my gateway to the world how sad is that.. thanks for the support

Answer 1

interesting question. I don't know too many hassids who own computers and would be allowed to be on them just before Shabbos.
If you are serious about this, then my advice to you is to determine whether you really don't believe in the Torah or if this is simply a reaction to a boy. I certainly wouldn't recommend renouncing your faith (and if you are hassid, you know that your family will sit shiva over you and you will be dead to them if you leave the faith) over a crush.

There are several other jewish organizations in your area. You could go for Conservative, Reform or Reconstructionist and speak to a rabbi there. They can help you get on your feet.
My advice is to speak to someone you trust about this, and not take too much stock in something you obtain over the internet.

Answer 2

Guess you will read this tomorrow night. Are you Satmar? Maybe you could contact some one in the Lubavitch community they seem a little more lenient then the Satmars. Or perhaps you have a female relative that you can talk to. Think long and hard before you make any moves or decisions on leaving your family. You are only 18 and possibly you will find a way to have life that is more than just having 7 kids and taking care of everyone else with no time for yourself. Forget about the latino kid.
Shabbat Shalom

Answer 3

It might be hard to do, but if you feel strongly enough about breaking away from it all, than you should.

You can get a job and a small apartment right there in Williamsburg, as there are a lot of new apartments popping up -- or take on roomates, as that is also a big thing around the Bedford Avenue areas.

If you want to try something new and get out of the tradition you were raised in - then you should do it, although as you know it will come with a lot of consequences (such as family disowning you, etc..)

Life is a banquet and most poor people are starving to death! Enjoy life if you can..

Answer 4

If your family will not accept you as you want to be then, you need to get a plan for how you are going to move away from your family. I understand that that will be hard, but you need to do it.

Get a job, get some money, go to collage. Easy to say, it will be harder to do.

Your community is trying to keep you in the place it wants you to be. Do not let it. Go to the place that you want to be. Is there anyone that you know of who has left before? See if you can find them and ask their advice.

As for the boy, talk to him. You are not in love, you have a crush on a cute guy. You do not know him, what he is like if he is a kind person or mean or what. The only way you are going to find out is to talk to him. Maybe something will come of it, maybe not. There are a lot of cute guys out there, be selective.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Well, I'm sure you will have many crushes so don't be too quick to rush unless this boy proves himself worthy of your affections. You are ultimately in control of your life, the freedom you seek is yours and you have much to give as a person. Look for ways to do your own thing and you might even find respect from your family in the process. But take your time, if you start achieving things in your own right you'll probably find unexpected support in your community, your post is so honest it proves you are a great person with much to give

Answer 6

When you turn 18 leave home, find a reform temple and tell the Rabbi your problem, that you want a college education but your ultra orthodox family won't let you, see if he can direct you to any organizations that help orthodox teens escape the strict lifestyle and go to a more normal life.

forget the Latino boy, go to school and get an education first, when you are independent and self reliant, then you can get a boy toy.

Answer 7

i do believe that your parents love you and want what is best for you but cleary what they want is no way to live life. you know i am christian but its not about religion its about a relationship with god. i think you should give your life to god & he will guide you in your life and he will help you with your situation.you may have chose to be an athiest because you were born it to a family who is so caught up in religion and rules.but god is just waiting for you to come to him . you say if let your comunity no you'll have no family or friend that is sad but is probably true but god he will never leave you . let god come into your life i promise youll be full of joy and god will just be there for you anytime all the time :D good luck and god bless!

Answer 8

As ol d traits u've stated are gud plus u shud b unswerving to her, on no account cheat on her ,provide know to her and attempt to comprehend her emotions, do no longer harm her and be open approximately what you think of roughly her and ur destiny whats up no longer basically indian bt ol d ladies international could choose those traits in her spouse

Answer 9

children rebelling against the tradition of their society and religion is normal. if there is any way possible for you to get a job, and start saving, i would do that. - get friends where you can, such as at work, and then try to get out on your own.

Answer 10

Pretty difficult. I would advise to pray, but you don't believe in God, so that is out.. I guess you will just have to do whatever you are going to do.. Disobeying your parents will probably get you into a lot of trouble..