My fiance proposed to me over Christmas. We set the date for this July and began telling our family and friends. A month ago his mother tells me her and her new fiance (together for about 1 year) have set their date for the same date. She refuses to change, for no real reasons (she comes up with excuses for them, already told family/friends, took of work, etc. - all of which I had also done months prior). My fiance is still on my side of this, can't believe his mom did this to him, but he just wants everyone to get along and be happy, and now all of a sudden I feel like the bad guy, have been asked to apologize (by his sister) and more. It's ridiculous! I had set our date first, booked the place, called family from out of state, etc., not only to mention I have sentimental feeling for my chosen date, she told me they wanted it for the pretty flowers in season. So how do I keep the peace without sacrificing MY day to my future Mother-in-Law?
2007-05-18 08:19:56 · 21 answers · asked by Ramsey S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow, what a bitoch! I'm so sorry! gosh! Are you sure you even want to marry into this family hun? WOW!
you guys need to decide how much you want to fight her on this now - obviously she's out to ruin your wedding day. I mean that's just obvious, isn't it?
IF you care - I'd suggest moving your wedding date - let her go first, since she's so damned special that she has to ruin it for you - she'll make your life a living hell if you don't.
OR stick to your plans - go through with your date & tell her and her daughter to screw off!
She's obviously a very, very sad & unhappy woman.
2007-05-18 20:55:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
"Just simply tell her that you are sorry she will not be attending her son's wedding.
(And quickly... get your wedding invitations out before she does - this is 2 months away, so not too early to mail them out.) "
I 100% agree with this poster on this. It is obvious she did this intentionally and you should put your foot down with your fiance's help. If you notified the family first, obviously the family would know this when she notified them herself. Over all, the family is torn and will have choices to make. some will choose her side (for whatever reasons) and others will choose yours (for whatever reasons).
Do follow ups with the invitations by phone calls or in person to see how many will come. The more you stick to it, the more likely she might, just might...back down to move date. If not, try to have a happy wedding. I am in a termoil myself, (not same, but I can understand how you can be feeling).
2007-05-19 01:52:36 · answer #2 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU don't do anything, your Fiance needs to talk to his mother. She is a *****, and what she did is absolutely wrong. I can not believe that she would plan a wedding for the same day as her son's. What was she thinking? There is no way for you to keep the peace and I can't imagine why anyone would expect you to. Your MIL is 100% absolutely wrong. I have to say this is the most messed up thing I have ever heard in the wedding section. I am so angry for you, and I don't even know you. All I can say is your fiance needs to stand up to his mom, to heck with keeping the peace, she needs to change this date. good luck
2007-05-18 19:16:32 · answer #3 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how close your future hubby and his mom are, or how you and her get along, but is there ANY way that you could have a combined wedding? This might be a good solution to a bad problem??? Another option is to choose another date, or wiat until next year to get married. You can't force her to change her date, and there is no way to fix this problem without seeming like the bad guy unless you do one of these two things. It really sucks when people do this sort of thing, but all you can do is try to make the best of it and try to be the bigger person. One other option you have is to put all the money you saved for your wedding into a big trip...fly your wedding party and immediate family to a nice place and have an awsome wedding somewhere else...invite her, and send out invatations right away, but let his family know that you will understand if they don't come because they are going to hers. Then appolagize for not attending hers and send her a nice gift. You can even tell her the tickets are unrefundable. Or you could just take your few closest friends (and maybe YOUR parents). There has to be some way around all of this!
2007-05-18 15:33:02 · answer #4 · answered by stangwoman 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
If she was a mom who cares about her son she would change the date of her wedding. She has gotten married before. This will be her sons first wedding and she is not happy and excited for him? So obviously you should just keep the date and the people who attends your weddings are the ones that cares about you guys anyways. If she is causing such drama with her own son and for his wedding she will definitely be causing more drama afterwards. So who cares if she doesn't attend your wedding. You want the people you love and care about and that feels the same way about you both to be at your weddings anyways. Hope this helps. Good luck!
2007-05-18 23:33:34 · answer #5 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinoion I don't think there is a way to keep the peace. I would just explain that due to the reasons behind the date you chose and the fact that all of your wedding things are booked (cake, flowers, people, place, etc.) that you are going to be unable to attend the wedding of your new inlaws. I would put it in the nicest way you can and just let nature take its course. I understand that there will probably be some hard feelings but you had the date chose first and you were asked first therefore, your mother in law was very careless in choosing her date and I would not start a relationship with the husband's mother and family thinking that I would always give in. If you give in to this huge detail, think of all of the small stuff they will ask you to give in on later (Christmas and other holiday dinners with your family, time with your kids in the future, etc.) Good luck and I wish you and your hubby to be all the best!
2007-05-18 15:27:09 · answer #6 · answered by mouthygirl20012001 3 · 8⤊ 1⤋
There doesnt seem to be a good answer here. Either way for you its gonna be a lose-lose situation. Unfortunately that's the way it is with in-laws. Its ashame she wont change her date. You will just have to continue on with your plans and enjoy your day with your family. Its unfortunate that she wont have her son at her wedding, but its also unfortunate that your fiancee wont have his mother and sisters at his wedding. I honestly dont see how you can win here unless your MIL gives in. Under no surcomstances do I think you should give in. It's not fair either. You had everything done right. Dont let her do that to you. And if your fiancee doesnt agree with your and takes his mother's side then you're better off without him because you will always be second to his mother.
Good luck honey!!
2007-05-18 16:33:38 · answer #7 · answered by MariChelita 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would tell her that you are not changing the date and stick to it. If she chooses to not attend her own son's wedding than so be it.
Don't let this visably bother you either. If you allow her to see how much this actually bothers you she'll take that inch and walk all over it. She's already proven that she doesn't care about your wishes when it comes to you and your son's wedding.
Stand your ground. Either people will come around, or they won't come to the wedding. And in my opinion if they don't want to come to the wedding because of all of this you didn't really want them there in the first place.
2007-05-18 15:38:13 · answer #8 · answered by Rayani 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would go ahead with your wedding as you have planned. why should you worry about keeping the peace when she disturbed it in the first place? just get your invites out ASAP without letting her know your doing it and if she says anything tell her your sorry she would miss her sons wedding. no sense trying to work something out with her. shes on of those people who will continue to make things difficult for both of you all throughout marriage. if you let her win this time she'll be walking all over you for the rest of your lives.
2007-05-18 17:38:45 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
YOU have already set the date of the wedding BEFORE they did, you are NOT in the wrong here.
If anyone is to change their date it should be the FMIL.
Glad to hear your fiance took your side.
Do not buckle and change the date!
Get the invitations out ASAP!
2007-05-19 18:33:41 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋