Sister has major issues with my Mom. She's 24 years old, and in a very dark place. Advice?

Question

My sister has always disliked my mother. I'm not sure why. My mom can say mean things like "you're getting fat" or "your dress is too low." Actually our mom is pretty critical of her children, but it's caused my sister to be extremely insecure and angry. She can't trust anyone! I used to be the one she could to talk, but recently I just can't help getting mad at her or sounding annoyed with her when she vents to me about how terrible our mom is, so she hates me too. She'll go on about how terrible our mom is and how she had better give her money. She's spoiled beyond belief, and her rationale is that our mom did all these things for her other children, so she had better give her things too. It's ridiculous: I wear the same clothes for an entire year, and my sister gets a higher allowance than anyone else, yet she still claims this. My mom gets a little tight on money, and my sister starts complaining. The worst part is that she says she's suicidal and refuses therapy with mom

My sister actually has 2 jobs, and lives in a condo owned by my parents. She's saving up her own money for bigger things. house, maybe?

Answer 1

your mom might be thinking that at age 24 your sister should be supporting herself. and she should be. you might want to talk to your mom about your sisters suicidal feelings and that it is partially due to the way she is being emotionally abused by her. let mom know it is uncool to talk negative to her kids like that. she should be supportive and loving.
talk to sis and ask her why she has not moved out by now since she is so miserable. it would be an answer to her problem. she is of age and should be working to be on her own

Answer 2

First of all, WHY is a 24 yo getting an allowance at all?? Get a job! You've got to let your sister take responsibility for herself. If she is 24, and feels your mom is too critical, then why doesn't she move out and move on with her life? It seems she is just feeding on the situation and being manipulative. If she was really all that miserable, you'd think she'd be motivated to move. If she's so broken up about the relationship, then why is it about money? Also, it sounds as if your mom is enabling your sister to act this way somewhat. Your sister wouldn't always ask for money if she never got any....she continues to act this way, because she has been successful getting what she wants. Your mom needs to be firm and tell her to get a job, or at least make her allowance the same as everyone else's.

As for the therapy, you can lead a horse to water,but you can't make him drink. In other words, she'll go when she's ready. If you believe that her suicide threats are real, then you may have to get another form of intervention. I think however, that she mostly has a case of being selfish/self-absorped.

Answer 3

That spoiled-assed BRAT needs a good and proper skirt on the neck panties on the floor *** WHIPPING. And that's just a start. Has she ever even attempted any form of suicide or is this just an attention getter? Granted your mother is way out of line to speak to you the way she does, there is something else that has your sister screwed up. I didn't catch your age but you sound like a level headed young lady who recognizes this as a problem rather than an example to follow. Your sister is old enough to be out on her lazy *** and getting a job. If you're lucky this will happen soon, but I wouldn't hold my breath. She may have your mama figured out and may stay as long as mama allows this ****. I think maybe the best that we could tell you is that you have a mind that I can see works very well, and you may have to move out to get any peace at all. I truly wish I had something better to say to you but this situation isn't fixed without someone stepping in or stepping up!!! I just hope these two haven't screwed you up and you can get out and do great things with your life!!! If you want to drag her to me I'll be glad to give her that spanking that she needs! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP, HONEY!!!

Answer 4

Why does she still get allowance at 24 yrs old. She should be out on her own with a job, buying her own things. I have a sis that's the same way with venting. You have to let her know gently that whatever she says is not going to make you talk bad about your mother just because she wants you to. I have gotten to the point where I completely ignore my sister about it. She goes about her business for about 2 weeks and when she's feeling better, she comes back and things are diff. She's just going through something right now, and until she realizes she's going to have to do things on her own, it will be like this.

Answer 5

As her sister I would call a help line and get advise. Anyone that seems in a dark place needs help. There might be some other underlying factors at play here. Talk to your mother and just make the call now. Even if she is refusing therapy there might be something else that can be done. Obviously emotions run very deep.

Answer 6

She gets an allowance at age 24??? There are big problems here -

If I were you I would focus on not tying myself up in my sister's shortcomings and becoming an independent adult. You don't say how old you are - but you should plan on being self sufficient once you graduate from High School if you are not going to college. If you are going to college you should still have a major amount of self sufficiency. My kids started paying for their own clothes and buying most of their own toiletries & makeup after high school. They bought their own cars, clean their rooms & bathrms, and many other things.

If your mother isn't helping you to grow up, as in ppushing you out of the nest gradually - you need to do it for yourself.

Answer 7

Your sister is, and here's the kicker, an ADULT. Why is she even complaining about that? Why is your mother giving her money? At 24? My parents pretty much cut off all assistance at 18, and it's done quite a bit to help me grow as an adult. If your Mother continues to coddle her daughter, your sister will continue to act like a spoiled child. Your sister needs to grow up and get a clue. I think the best thing to do for her would be to cut her off completely and force her to fend for herself like a grown adult should. Treat her like a child, she's gonna act like one. Just ignore her. She's being a Drama Queen.

Answer 8

There's a good reason why your sister refuses therapy. She is very manipulative, and the last thing she wants to do is give up the control she enjoys right now. She's not about to commit suicide; she about to get you to. Ignore her. Either she'll come around, or she'll be what she is forever. Your strength lies within you. Good luck.

Answer 9

your sis is an adult........has 2 jobs.........and living in her parents condo.....why is she getting an allowance to b*tch about?
your sis has some major issues and if she is not willing to listen to you and work this out and "stop" b*tching about mom.....maybe you should have a heart to heart with your parents and kick her **** out of the condo, stop the allowance and stop the visits until she has something positive to say and can be nice......seem harsh?? yep...tough love....it works and it could open her eyes to what the real world is all about..........lets see what new stuff she can come up with to b*tch about when she loses all that stuff most only dream about......its time for your sis to grow up and be a responsible adult.
Good Luck!

and by the way, people that are going to commit suicide......don't go around telling people they are going to do it.......they just do it.....its an attention seeker, shes just trying to get you to feel sorry for her........if she were going to kill herself, she would have already done it, not talking about it.

Answer 10

It sounds to me like your sister is very selfish. Some one who wants to kill themselves doesn't turn around and ***** about their allowance. I think it is time for your mother to put her foot down. They both need to sit down and say what is on each others minds. Kind of like a debate. Giving each person a chance to express themselves w/o interruption from one another. And maybe there is something else that is bothering your sister besides your mother. Maybe there is a deeper problem. Either way this needs to be addressed!