-I am a single mom and don't have time for 'buddies'. My kids hearts are NOT up for grabs because some guy thinks I'm cool for the time being. He is "scared to get hurt and wants to be just friends and see if it develops". Tha
-The fact is that is a waste of my time. If a guy is really into you, he won't sit around and play it safe. I guess he doens't think I am worth the risk. He wants to sweet talk me and pretends we are a couple, holding my hand and all, but wants it easy. He wants to hang out with me and my kids. He wants to sit on the fence and hopes 'IT will just happen'. That sounds like a cope out to me. Either I am worth it or not. How do I tell him short and to the point, that I have a life that I love and don't have time for mixed signals? Either he is in or out? I don't want to marry him, or even date him exclusively. All I need is a 'lets date casually cause I'm interested'. I need to know that we are on the same page. Or I am wasting my time.
2007-05-18 07:02:27 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sweetie you answered you own question. Say exactly that. You dont have time for someone who doesnt know what they want. Either he will understand make up his mind or he wont. And if he doesnt move on. Point Blank
2007-05-18 07:06:35 · answer #1 · answered by tinkerbell1688 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Woooww...scary, we are in exactly the same position. I am also a single mom who is in the same type of relationship. He is also "afraid" to get hurt. The only thing is I don't bring him around my kids, cause 1st & foremost their feelings are #1. I am trying to decide wether to just leave him alone all together. We have actually used the term "buddies" also. But I don't have time for friends with benefits either! I am really starting to fall for this guy, bad, so my friends have started to take me out so that I can forget about him. If and when he is ready to make some sort of committment, and I am still available, then I will think about it. Right now, u & I both are too good to be treated this way, so I say don't follow what ur heart is saying, follow what your head is telling you to do. Good Luck, and email me if you wanna chat...who knows maybe we'll give each other strength to do the right thing!!
2007-05-18 14:12:20 · answer #2 · answered by sammy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you aren't looking for a commitment, why do you even want to ask whether he is in or he is out? You may not like how he feels, but it sounds to me like he is being cautious -- which is a great thing for your children. Sounds like he recognizes that one must be more cautius with a single mom. I think it is okay to ask him if he'd like to date casually, but don't dare tell him you don't have time for buddies. Everyone needs friends, and if he's a good man and ends up being nothing other than a great friend, where's the loss?
Amd frankly, there are a LOT of single moms out there who can't find anyone who WANTS to hang out with their children -- so why are you complaining? Be thankful!
2007-05-18 14:13:20 · answer #3 · answered by Scorch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find someone else who will step up to the role of 'man of the house', select you to be his wife and lady of the house and behave as a stepfather father to your children. That will drive any fence sitter in your life over the edge and he will either fight his way back to make a real committment or he will get out of your life. If this current guy is not even willing to date you with a firm statement that he is interested in being with you, just tell him to go home to his mama and stay there.
2007-05-18 14:17:33 · answer #4 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think you're being fair here. The fact that he's willing to approach you and consider things, and get to know your kids and all that is a big thing coming from a guy.
I'll tell you right now that 90% of the guys that will go after a single mom will be because they know for a fact that she will put out- she's already got kids!
It's a sad fact, but it's true.
Give him a chance to figure things out- approaching a woman who already has kids is a big thing.
2007-05-18 14:08:00 · answer #5 · answered by smashcruiserarc 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't get rid of him quite yet... he sounds like an intelligent man who wants to take his time to know you out of respect for you. He's probably been in relationships before and is afraid of getting hurt, just like anyone. I think its fair to tell him that you want to casually date and communicate to him what that means to you as far as seeing others. He should understand and if anything, want to see you even more than casually. You are a very good mom for considering your children's feelings... I wish my mom would've. Good luck!
2007-05-18 14:09:40 · answer #6 · answered by jamie kat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree. I have a child too and I am right on the same page with you.
If this guy doesn't have kids himself, he probably doesn't understand just how serious it makes every decision in life once you have children.
Casual dating is a luxury that single-moms just don't have... You are a package-deal with your kids, so any guy who is going to be a match for you has to be in the same stage of life as you of building stability for you and your kids. If he isn't serious enough for your kids, he isn't serious enough for you. PERIOD.
If this guy wants to be "just friends" he should act like it and shouldn't be trying to stick his hand in the honey pot.
He's OUT.
2007-05-18 14:07:57 · answer #7 · answered by Heather L 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is talk to him and tell him your feelings and thoughts. Talking may bring out why he wants to "play it safe". Maybe he has been burned too many times and is not ready to take the chance of that happening again.
2007-05-18 14:08:29 · answer #8 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just does'nt want to jump in and waste it - Take it slow and see where it takes you both. If you both truly care for each other would'nt you both enjoy all the time together?
It sounds like he wanks to take it slow and appreciate every minute of it. Perhaps he is thinking to himself that you are rushing him ?
-Got to think of it from all angles :)
Good Luck :) hope it works out for you
2007-05-18 14:09:08 · answer #9 · answered by Roger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him exactly what you think
maybe like this.
I really like our times together and the kids really like you.
However, I need to start looking for someone who wants to become part of this family for the long haul.
I don't really get that you are interested in the seriousness side of this relationship.
Maybe we should move on and hopefully we both find what we need.
2007-05-18 14:11:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋