Shouldnt my mother-in-law give me a key to her room?

Question

Me and my husband own the house. We were nice enough to let her move in with us 10 years ago and she STILL hasnt left. IT has been such a struggle living with this woman. She isnt the easiest to get along with and is an ex- drug addict. (actually I think she still does drugs based on her behaviors)
She put a new doorknob on her bedroom door without asking us permission and it has a key lock on it. I made her give me a copy of the key because I feel I should have access to every room in MY house if needed. I dont go in her room or dig through her stuff or anything. There is no reason for her to lock her door when she is gone. One day I needed in her room because she had left her phone of the hook and we couldnt use the phone all day. I coudlnt get in there because guess what............ it is locked. That is when I told her I needed a key.
Well, today I realized there is ANOTHER new doorknob on her door and I dont have a key once again. It makes me SO mad!
What should I do??

She also argues with my 14 year old daughter. SHE is usually the one who starts these fights and acts like she is 14 too! She's in her 50's!
She told my daughter to grow up one day. A 50 something year old woman told a 14 year old to grow up. I want her to leave, it is a very unhealthy realtionship she has with my daughter and she is a bad influence, but she doesnt make enough money to live on her own. Also you should see her room!!! It is the nastiest, most disgusting pig stye you would ever see in your life. We have been telling her for 10 years to clean her room and she will half way clean it and it last for maybe 3 days and is a pig sye all over again.

GET her a cell phone??? she is a grown woman with no health issues. She can get her own cell phone. She needs to grow up and fly the coop and get her own place.

thanks sir hard ......... I am an overbearing a Bi***????!!!
How many women do you know would let their mother-in-law livce in THEIR home for 10 years??? And guess what??? I dont even fight or argue with her. I just bite my tongue and deal with her.

Also I didnt say the phone ordeal was the ONLY time I needed in her room... there were other times........ like, we needed cable work done and the cable guy couldnt get in, she left her cat out one day and locked her door and the cat couldnt get in to it's food, water and litter box, for HOURS AND HOURS it was crying at the door. etc......

C.B. I WISH I could take the doorknob off but it is a type I cant unless I can open her door. There is no way to take it off from the outside.
Great idea though! Thanks!! :-)

Answer 1

This is your home and she should be grateful you took her in for the past 10 years, she has definitely outstayed her welcome at this point. She shows such lack of respect for you, your husband and child by behaving the way she does: picking fights with your daughter and leaving her room a pig stye...that is blatant disrespect and you shouldn't have to put up with it anymore. I would want her to leave at this point too. She is the one who needs to 'grow up' at age 50. At this point, I would try to find community resources to help find this woman a new place to live. She may not make much money, but she may qualify for subsidized housing, or a studio apartment, a place with a sliding scale, or maybe even help from welfare. Not sure what your community services are like, but there should be an agency out there that can find housing placement for her. If you should find something she qualifies for, then let her know she will not be living in your home anymore and you have found a new place for her. (If you don't find the place for her, she will never leave). Best of luck with whatever you chose to do, you all deserve your home back and happiness. And if she stays...It is YOUR house - you should have a key, whether she likes it or not.

Answer 2

Your husband should tell her to get the Fu** out if she can not live with the house rules. I love these people who make you out to be the bad guy. If you rented a room to a stranger you would have a key in case of emergency. Also she is an x drug addict. This is not healthy for you the kids and your hubby. With all your good intentions you are enabling her to behave. Sit down with your hubby and go over the house rules Have him tell her and if she can not live with them she needs to move. Also Take the door off if she needs to keep changing the lock as that will fix the issue.

Answer 3

First of all it is very nice of you to let her move in and to put up with her for the past ten years. Next does she pay rent? If so then you do not have any right to have a key. Even if she doesn't pay rent she still should be able to feel like she has some privacy. Perhaps have her get her own phone line or take out the existing one so this won't happen again.

Answer 4

Oh, I have got the shivers, just thinking about what 10 years living with my MIL would be like.

Enough already. You need your life back for you and your family's sake. This is for your husband to deal with, with your support. He needs to be the one seen to be taking action to "help" her move out or you will be the big bad wolf again.

She is taking advantage. End of.

When she has her own place, be seen to be supportive and make sure you all visit, meet up, etc. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, you are not trying to cut her out of your lives but to encourage her to be independent.

Otherwise, just think of the next 10 years. And the next. When she's old and dribbling and still yelling. That's no life for you, your husband or your kids. Be strong. You are not in the wrong here.

(Take the flippin door off the hinges if she doesn't get the message!)

Answer 5

From her behaviour it sounds like she is not very happy about something or other, she seems to be acting out, maybe you or better still your husband as it is his mother, should have a calm discussion with her & ask her why she does these things... like changing the lock on her door suggests she doesn't trust anyone, or has something to hide, which could be linked to drugs queries.
I would suggest giving her a warning & letting her know how you feel before taking any drastic action, of course if this still carries on then you may have to.

Answer 6

Your husband should be dealing with this issue, not you. The lock on the door is the least of your worries if she is doing drugs in the house. Do you have children? Get your husband to grow up and learn to set boundaries for his family. Obviously he loves his mother and that is a good thing but he has to do what is right first. Enabling a drug addict is not good for her or you.

Answer 7

You husband needs to lay down the law in his house. She is living in your house she needs to follow your room. It is unnecessary for her to have a lock on the door. If she wants locked doors then she needs to move into her own residence. This is rude behavior on her part. If your husband won't step up and tell his mother exactly the way it should be then you should do it. Good luck to you.

Answer 8

I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO SAY AS
FOR THE EXTRA KEY, BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT
IS HER ROOM AND SHE ALSO NEEDS HER PRIVACY.
AND YES IT IS YOUR HOUSE, BUT I WOULD NOT LIKE
ANYONE TO COME INTO MY ROOM WHILE I AM OUT.
AND I AM NOT SAYING YOU GO INTO HER ROOM AND
SNOOP AROUND. THIS IS WHERE AN ADULT
CONVERSATION IS NEEDED. YOU NEED TO EXPRESS
YOUR FEELINGS ON THIS ISSUE. AND AT THAT TIME
YOU CAN BRING UP THE ISSUE OF CLEANLINESS.
YES SHE IS AN OLDER LADY AND SHE SHOULD
HAVE BETTER SENSE ON KEEPING HER AREA
LIVEABLE. AND AT THE SAME TIME SHE SHOULD
THINK OF THE OUTCOME OF HAVING A FILTHY
ROOM. IN EXAMPLE: ROACHES, RODENTS AND
SO FORTH. LIKE I SAID IF IT IS THAT BOTHERSOME
TO YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND THEN SIT WITH HER
AND COME TO SOME KIND OF AGREEMENT OF
SOME SORT. AND AS FOR YOUR DAUGHTER MAYBE
SHE SHOULD DISTANCE HERSELF FROM HER
UNTIL THERE IS A RESOLUTION...... AND AS FOR
HER MOVING OUT MAYBE YOU CAN LOOK INTO
FINDING AN APARTMENT THAT GOES BY YOUR
INCOME. THERE IS A RESOLUTION FOR ALL PROBLEMS. DON'T GIVE UP HOPE...... JUST BARE
WITH HER...... GOOD LUCK AND BEST WISHES.........

Answer 9

I believe that you have every right to request a key. It is your house and she needs to respect that. I would let her know that what she is doing is disrespectful and you don't appreciate it. If she doesn't want to live by your rules, then she can leave your house. You are doing her a favor by letting her live there and she is being rude. I honestly don't know how you have done it for the past 10 years - I'd have to call you a saint.

Answer 10

That is just the way something people live and persons do not live healthy life style. She locks her door for own private reasons. Taking to your daughter like that is bad. Refusing to give you akey is that she do not trust you. If she cannot comply with your requests then you know what one should do.