well Im an 18 year old girl. Im not a virgin, and Im very ashamed of that. I've been raised in the church my whole life and I love God. I've had sex 3 times in my entire life. But they were all with different guys :/ I always ended up in a bad situation where if I said no I would lose a friend and be stranded in the middle of nowhere or I would lose the "love" from soemone I thought I desperatley needed. I've turned my life around completley. and I dont want to have sex anymore, at least until Im in a long committed loving relationship, if not til marraige, Idealy I would wait for marraige, but it's so hard to find a guy thats willing to wait THAT long :( anyway I guess what I was wondering is, how far CAN I go with a boyfriend without crossing the line? Serious answers only please. thank you so much.
2007-05-18 06:36:58 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
get engaged first...
this is inappropriate here
2007-05-18 06:40:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
If you've truly repented and turned your life around, then you'll want to follow Christ completely.
Christ said lust is adultery. Thus, anything lustful (certainly oral sex and certain touching) is wrong. You must determine what the line is for you.
Additionally, Paul says to flee from temptation. Thus, don't try to push a line. Try to get nowhere near it! For example...this is quite old fashioned, but I'm glad we did it - my girlfiend and I agreed to not kiss until we were married. We were together for 2 1/2 years without kissing until we finally married. It helped us stay relatively pure (there were still many struggles) and the wait was worth it.
I suggest that you don't date AT ALL until you find a guy worth dating. Find a guy who has strong faith and is completely devoted to God. He should be the leader in the relationship and the one who sets the boundaries. He should also live by those boundaries and not put you into uncomfortable positions.
Its also a great idea to read dating books and get an idea of what other Christians think and what they've done. Some I suggest are "Book of Love" (?) by Tommy Nelson (a study on Song of Soloman), Joshua Harris books and "Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Eliot.
God bless!
2007-05-18 14:18:59 · answer #2 · answered by TWWK 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know some girls that are not married that choose to be pure until marriage, do not even kiss- now I am not saying that this is for you. My husband and I kissed and held hands- I think each person is different- the more you do the more tempted you will be to go farther. And about waiting until you are in a long committed relationship- don't let that one keep you from waiting until marriage- the guy may just be waiting to have sex with you, no longer how long he has to wait, and then leave. Do not do anything that would hinder your purity before God- yes you are pure once again, through the shed blood of Christ
2007-05-18 13:44:06 · answer #3 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You CAN set a standard. If a guy isn't willing to wait, he doesn't love you and he's not worth your time. If you've already had sex, you know yourself, you know where your boundary is. There comes a point where if you're honest, you're not going to stop. I am 29 and still a virgin. I choose not to date. I choose not to even kiss the guy until we are at the altar and the preacher says to kiss the bride. That is extreme, but I don't really trust myself to even start down the physical road. I know many people who have done this same thing, and they tell about how amazing their sex life is after marriage, after 15 years, how it keeps getting hotter. How many couples say that when they've slept together before the wedding?
My church believes in no dating. When a young man is prepared to support a family, both emotionally and financially, he approaches the father of the girl he believes he would like to marry. The father checks the guy out and challenges him in areas that are lacking. When he is ready, the father gives permission for the boy to approach the girl. The whole process is blanketed in prayer and wise counsel. You wait until God says "that's the one, go for it"
The relationship is done under the covering of parents and other spiritual mentors. There is not any alone time, you have to acknowledge how easy it is to fall if you're alone with someone that you are in love with. God's standard is no sex outside of marriage. There is no other option. If you want to follow God, that is His way. If you stick to your guns, you will be richly blessed. You've already crossed the line, but God can restore your purity and you can make good choices from here. I know plenty of people who have done it. I also know plenty of guys who are willing to wait.
This is a difficult thing to do in this world that tells us to sleep with every guy we meet, but God doesn't ask anything that He won't help us do. You have to trust that He has someone for you, and that someone is worth waiting for. Trust Him. Enjoy being single, prepare yourself for your future and for your husband. Save yourself, give your husband a pure gift. It IS possible.
2007-05-18 14:25:46 · answer #4 · answered by BaseballGrrl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, Girl, nobody ,and I mean nobody is worth it who pressures you to have sex with him. We all make mistakes and fall short of God's principles, but the fact is that once you understand what you did was wrong and ask forgiveness you are responsible for what you know and should not make the same mistake because you are the only one accountable for your actions at the judgment.
If somebody really loves you and shares your faith he should be willing to wait cuz the Bible might be kinda vague on somethings but premarital sex is not one of them. Anyone who truly loves you would not be that selfish as to compromise himself and you.
I know its hard to do the right thing sometimes especially if you've invested alot of emotion and time in a person but you really want to do whats right you will hold out for the guy who respects you and your values and does not pressure you in any way.
A good way of doing this is to establish guidelines early in the relationship so both of you know where you stand from the very beginning.( I am not saying do this on the first date or anything) If a guy can't respect your values then move on because continuing that kind of relationship only gets you hurt.
As for a specific line to draw the primary one mentioned in the bible is sex and just to be clear that means all forms of sex not just the actual act of intercourse also even though it does not specifically address other things does not mean its not implied Christians are to abstain from the very appearence of evil and somethings may not be sex but could very easily lead to it and why would you put yourself in that kind of a situation when you could just excercise a little self control. Everyone is different only you know what your weaknesses are so make sure you safeguard yourself against them and don't put yourself in that situation.
Praying for you
2007-05-18 14:10:29 · answer #5 · answered by knockout85 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It is really up to you . You can go as far as you want. One thing to remember. A guy that really likes you for who you are ( as cliche as that sounds ) WILL wait. Guys at that age are very hormonal and it is up to you to keep things comfortable for you . A guy will go as far as you let him. So just go as far as you feel comfortable, without doing anything from fear to loose a boyfriend. Those relationships don't last. I have found that when I'm in control things work much much better. Your boyfriend will respect that . Also , you don't need to explain to him anything . You just say "no , don't do that" when you have reached your line and that is the end of it. if he asks why , just say "because I say so " You don't need to give many explanations or details.
Guys , believe it or not, are much more intrigued when a girl don't give it up right away.
Little personal experience: Started going out with a 24 year old guy when I was 19. Nothing heavy duty happened for 6 months. We ended up going out for 5 years and have been married for 4.
2007-05-18 13:46:18 · answer #6 · answered by Georgie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
In the 14th century when everyone KNEW they would go to h*ll if they had sex it was easy to find someone you are looking for. In this day and age when few people believe in h*ll anymore it is more difficult. If you give as much as a hug, they guy is going to be looking for more. You need to take a good Aikido class. It is the only way to make sure you can maintain control.
2007-05-18 13:49:31 · answer #7 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop the boyfriend baloney, you're only 18 and have a lot of learning to do. Go to college get at least a Masters degree, get a good job, become independent. Learn to love yourself for yourself without some stiffy brain dead hunka bobo trying to poke your stuff all the time because that is all they can think of at that age. When you are 25-27 find a well established guy in his 30's that's never been married, don't go for looks as long as he's healthy, has a brain and shows real respect towards you as a human being, date for two years without sex to see if you can just get along on a personal level, after two years screw his brains out to see if the sex is great, if it is he'll marry you in a matter of days. Wait until you are 35 to have 2 kids, after the kids have him get his tubes tied and live a really long, satisfying happy, love filled life.
Have a real day.
2007-05-18 13:48:16 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I've always been taught that you shouldn't go past making out, if making out still means french kissing. After that point it makes it soooo much harder to stop and will lead too far. So, I think kissing. And the right guy will be willing to wait however long you want him to. If he can't wait, he's not right for you. Don't give up, pray for your future mate to come into your life soon, and he'll be someone willing to wait. best wishes to you!!! And ignore cupid stunt, I doubt he's pure.
2007-05-18 13:44:21 · answer #9 · answered by Kymr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Curious, God can heall your shame, and guilt, if you let Him.He intended for relationships to grow, and if you start in a romantic relationship, it will eventually take you into the sak. Start by being a friend, with others around so you don't have to enter into that romantic relationship until you find the right one. It is hard to turn off the harmones once you have them cruizing.
2007-05-18 13:51:36 · answer #10 · answered by DJW 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm a firm believer in what Joshua Harris wrote in "I Kissed Dating Good-bye". You've already gone too far so it will not be too hard to do it again in the "heat of the moment".
I suggest you be happy with the single life and focus on friendships, school, career, etc and leave the dating scene alone. Let God bring that special someone to you instead of you going to look for Him. God knows exactly who & what you need for a good marriage & He will provide it in His timing.
Learn to trust God to lead your life. He's willing & able. Be willing to lose the friend, the ride, the dating scene in order keep ahold of God and He will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 - "Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart."
2007-05-18 14:14:41 · answer #11 · answered by V 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋