Jealous of my husbands son's name from previous relationship?

Question

My husband has two children by his ex girlfriend(who I cant stand ). (ages 2 and a half and 5). When we first met I only knew the 5 year old, his son by his nickname because no one called him by his real name hardly ever. When I got pregnant with my son and mentioned to my husband that I wanted to make the baby a Junior if it was a boy. My husband got reall quiet and I asked what was wrong. He told me that his 5 year old son already carried his name. I was immediately jealous and hurt. For months up until 2 weeks before our baby was born, I wouldnt even think of any boy names because I was so upset. Our son is now 15 motnhs and sometimes I still get angry when I think about it. Is this something strange to be jealous of and why am I jealous and hurt by this anyway when I so love his children?

he suggested also naming our so n after him but i said hell no because i am not trying to have his ex say i am copying her and besides that is just silly to me.

Answer 1

You need to get past this. You can't be mad and jealous of this poor child. First, he did not ask to be brought into the world or for his name. Second, that was in a previous time before you and your husband. They did what they felt was right at the time, so you have no right to be angry. Disappointed is one thing, anger and jealousy is another. Will he love is other son more because he has his name and is a junior? If he is a real Dad (which I would bet he is since you married him and love him) the kids name doesn't matter to him, he loves them all equally.

Answer 2

Your son will not feel bad, this is all your own guilt messing with you. Just keep showing your love to your son and he will love his new brother or sister. If he does feel jealous, this will be every normal and it happens even with children of any type of household. Quit blaming yourself for something you can't change. All that is in the past and you have to let it go. The only way to damage your son at this point its to keep being unhappy. Your stress and your guilt will affect your son and your entire family so let it go and be happy. It isn't fair for your new husband either. I'm sure he wants to share the excitement of the baby as well. Make this a happy time because you can't ge these moments in life back ever again.

Answer 3

No, it's not strange. But to be honest, you have to realize that your hunny had this baggage since you met him, you should have gotten all those facts b4 you got pregnant.
My husband gets jealous of me b/c I have one son by my ex husband. He can't stand the fact that my oldest son carries my ex's name. He gives me a hard time about it, but what can I do? I can't change the past, all he can do is accept that this is the way it is if he wants to be with me. Some things in life we may not agree with but we cannot change. You accepted him and that means you accepted all the baggage that comes with him. His two children, and his ex. Unfortunately, they are tied together for life b/c of their children.
You have to accept this - there is nothing your hunny can do about it, right? All you can do is keep living your life happy and forget about this. If you keep letting it get to you, you are the one it will effect. It will effect your marriage, your happiness, and your togetherness as a family. I know it doesn't seem like it will, but trust me. My husband and I have been together for 5 years now and whenever he has a hard time with my ex he gets angry and irritable, he finds things to gripe about with me. He makes everyone around him feel bad. You don't want to do this to your family, I'm sure. The sooner you accept this in your life the happier you will be. Please let it go, for the sake of your family.

Answer 4

Yes it is a little strange. U knew your husband has a life before u. And normally men name their FIRST son after them, not their 2nd or 3rd. U need to except them and their names and frankly, get over it.

Is this because u want your husband to love your baby more than his other 2? Because that isn't going to happen.

Answer 5

I don't think it's all that strange really, no-one really likes their partner's ex's & you were obviously just a little begrudged that she got to use the name you liked. It's a fair enough thing to be annoyed about, I would too, but now it's time to let go, if you hold on to the things that make you angry you won't be able to enjoy your children, count your blessings :-)

Answer 6

I think you should ease up. It's not your husband's fault. He named his 5 y.o. way before he married you. It's not something that he can change or do.

I think you should do some soul searching and realize that it's something that neither you nor your husband can change. I wonder why it would make you upset and jealous? Upset at what? Jealous of whom?

Get over it and be happy.

Answer 7

You really need to get over it, there is nothing that you can do about it, maybe you should have named him after your father or some other important male in your guys life.
The past is the past, live for now and live for the future

Answer 8

I don't think its strange that you feel like this (but you must get past it) This is your first child and not his. that can be hurtful b/c it reminds you of that. Don't feel like his other children are more special, though. all children are just as special to their parents.

Answer 9

grow up. get over it. when he had those children with her, they probably thought they would be together forever. just like you do right now. if anything were to happen with ya'll, would you want his next girlfriend to be jealous of your child?

Answer 10

Why are you upset? It happened before you two were together. If you don't get your act together, you just might make things worse and ruin your relationship.