What's the deal with hugging?

Question

I have been told that I am a bad hugger. When someone hugs me, I have a tendency to do the bare minimum. It weirds me out to squeeze my body up against someone else's for reasons other than romantic intimacy or moments of strong emotion, such as funerals.

I didn't think much of it until my girlfriend mentioned to me after we hooked up. She thought I was not interested in her at first because of the way I hugged when we were just friends. Now I notice other girls give me weird looks afterwards and sometimes make comments as if I think they smell bad or I don't like them or something.

I think some people take hugging too far, honestly. For instance a guy who is attracted to my gf but knows he cannot have her so when he hugs her he gets as much as he can out of it. It doesn't bother me so much as long as she doesn't feel violated. I just think it's kinda lame.

What's wrong with shaking hands or even a high 5? Is a tight squeeze absolutely necessary?

Answer 1

Some people just aren't huggers. I am an extreme hugger. I hug friends as a greeting, guys, gals, dogs, it doesn't matter. I'll do it the third time I meet a person. There don't seem to be as many guy huggers though. It gets trained out of them in childhood. But if you aren't a hugger, then don't hug. There are very few social situation where it will be required.

But really, you should be able to give your girlfriend a casual hug. Just think about how reasurring it is to her to have your strong arms around her, making her feel safe and welcome. See if that puts an enthusiasm in your hugging. (and no, a high five is not an acceptable substitute)

Answer 2

You think that there is too much hugging going on? We are creating a nation of even MORE huggers - pity!

My daughter's grade school - every day at the end of school, two students stand at the door and must hug each and every student in their class goodbye, or at least a high five. I wasn't raised a hugger. It is a bit odd ... this is not an option for the kiddies by the way, it is a week-long duty. Each kid has to do this.

I married this Italian ... everyone, I mean EVERYONE in his enormous, gigantic family hugs and kisses hello and goodbye. Awkward, yeah, at first. 10 plus years later, I am used to it.

Answer 3

I know what you mean. I like hugs from some of my immediate family or very close friends, but hate when people who don't know me well hug me. I work with a guy who likes to do a lot of hugging. He's hardly ever in the office so when he comes in to talk to my boss, he's gotta squeeze me. Sometimes he picks me up and twirls me around...which is really embarassing if someone else is in the office.

I agree with you...hand shakes are much better.

Answer 4

I think there is wayyyyyy too much hugging going on. If i am not close enough to someone I am not going to actually embrace them, then I would just give a lame, lightly touching hug. These light hugs (barely touching) mean nothing, so if the person is not someone I would care to embrace, I would rather just skip it.

As a matter of fact, maybe we could all just skip all this hugging stuff - except for grandmas, we should all hug our grandmas.

Answer 5

Perhaps the way you were brought up? Who knows. I guess if that's how you feel about it, then that's simply how you are. It does seem unusual, though.
I think that's good, though, that you don't mind shaking hands because it seems that a lot of young people (of course, I don't know how old you are) don't do that as much anymore. But you might want to think about your hugs the way you do about hand-shaking; if you shook someone's hand and they gave you one of those "fishy" handshakes where their grip is loose and really weak, in your mind don't you start judging the person and wondering why they don't want to present a strong, firm handshake?

Answer 6

Bad huggers SUCK! My sister-in-law is like this. She'll give the lightest hug, then a few light taps/pats on the back, then stand back. If you don't really want to hug someone then don't. I'd rather have a handshake or a high five than one of those TOTALLY insincere fake hugs!

Answer 7

if hugging means nothing to u then its not important, but since handshakes r common practice, i think is weird thta so many people cant shake hands , and its like holding a wet noodle, so i think its like anything else whereas while much is learned from traveling the raod of life, sometimes certain things take on a special meaning and most people that have a greater level of feelings not only apreciate, but enjoy hugs as a way of expressing thanks with feelings

Answer 8

i dont think it gos t ofar. but i guess its just nice its a way of i guess in a way showing your family or friends a way of respect and you love them. yes ther are other ways of doing that in a sence but handing shakeing is i guess just kinda like giveing some a high five thats not showing them that you love them i dont really tunderstand how someone can be a bad hugger but im gonig to say thats whats up with hugging

and if there having a bad day it just makes them feel as if someone is there for them and cares enough for them to hug them

Answer 9

think about the meaning behind a hug. its an embrace. you are drawing that person near to you.
some people hug everyone. some people only hug close friends. i know i HATE being touched by someone i'm not close to.
My advice, is if you're not comfortable with hugging a person, don't. i know if i have to hug someone to save from being seen as rude, i do the quick, one armed hug. but certian people (loved ones, or close friends) don't hold back when you hug them. its not like you're making out with them. its a few moments of physical contact and it's over.

Answer 10

I guess for everybody its different. For me, I like hugs from people. But I completely understand the way you feel about it. I sometimes feel awkward about weather or not to hug someone and if I do hug them and sense that it is uncomfortable for them, I make sure to just hi 5 them the next time. I don't like to make others feel uncomfortable.