Need advice on potty training my 3 year old son. He's being obstinate!?

Question

About a week ago, my husband and I started potty training our three year old son (He turned 3 on March 2.). We bought regular toddler briefs (not padded) and rubber pants (to catch the urine/poop). I soon found out that rubber pants are horrible--definitely more hassle than they're worth because when you take them off, the urine comes pouring out, lol. Anyway, he loves wearing underwear, but REFUSES to pee in the potty. He'll wait until he's peed (or has started to pee) in his underwear THEN tell me he needs clean undies. We put him on his potty seat every 30 minutes (regardless of whether or not he's peed recently) and make him sit for about 5 minutes. Normally he starts screaming the minute we suggest the potty. We've tried giving him candy as a reward, and that's not working. He'll sit on the potty for 10 minutes, not pee, then STILL expect candy. When he doesn't get it, that leads to a tantrum. Any advice? I thought of a sticker chart, but he has no interest in stickers.

Oh, also--he knows how to stop and start the flow of his urine. He thinks it's funny to pee in the bathtub, and I watch him start then stop then start then stop. I know it's not a matter of him not being able to hold it. When we put him on the potty seat, he'll sit there for 5, sometimes 10 minutes (if he hasn't peed in a while and I KNOW he has to) and will do NOTHING. Five minutes after he gets up and goes off to play, he'll pee in his underwear. HELP!!

Answer 1

Forcing him to sit on the potty for 5 minutes every half an hour while he screams it not going to get you anywhere. You are reinforcing that the potty is a punishment.

I suggest you put him back into diapers and don't even mention the potty for at LEAST two weeks, unless he brings it up.

Then just give him a reward system. Tell him if he pees in the potty he gets X, and if he poops he gets Y and let him be in control. Once he is going sometimes on his own then you can ASK him if he needs to go if he hasn't gone in awhile.

But forcing him and turning it into a control issue will get you NOWHERE.

Answer 2

It has only been a week. Potty training can be a long process, no matter what Dr. Phil says. Just because he is physically ready that doesn't mean he is mentally or emotionally ready. My daughter was physically ready, but I had to wait until she was ready to choose to use the potty.

You might start out by letting him sit on the potty with his briefs on at first. Some kids won't go at first unless there is a diaper beneath them. It's a security issue.

And you're turning this into a power struggle. Perhaps you should just put him in the undies and leave it to him to tell you when. The more you force the issue, the more likely he is to be obstinate. You don't want to make going to the bathroom a traumatic event for him, so I would avoid punishments or forcing him on the potty too often.

Encourage him to come to the bathroom with you and your husband. He can sit on his potty while you sit on the big one. He might be inspired to be just like Daddy. If you think he has to go pee and is holding it, try running some water in the sink. (It always works for me.)

If you are going to use rewards, I would keep them small like one sticker or one piece of candy. And be firm that he only gets one if he pees on the potty (even if his briefs are still on). This means no candy or stickers any other time of day, either.

You might also want to get books and videos from the library about using the potty. There's a really funny Bear in the Big Blue House one.

When he does do it, make a big deal. Do a potty dance. Sing a potty song.

Just relax and try not to get too stressed out. He will decide to use the potty if you keep encouraging him. I know right now it can be very frustrating cleaning up the messes, and your instinct is to show that you are the one in control. This is one of those times to back off a bit. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. You can lead a child to the potty, but you can't make it pee. Good luck!!

Answer 3

SO typical! I have 4 kids and have potty trained MANY at a preschool I worked at. Parents would ask to switch their children to my classroom, my stats were so high. LOL. OK, don't scold him for "accidents", or seem physically exasperated (I KNOW this is hard not to!) whether you think they really are or not. KEEP praising him, even if he stits there for a long while. Tell him how big he must feel or how big he is for sitting on the potty like mommy/daddy. Does he have any older siblings, very close friends (potty trianed) or cousins?? Modeling is a great key to train with. Play games: "Sink the Cheerios"...throw about 4-5 Cheerios (any puff type cereal, too. Let him choose!) in the bowl. Have him stand and aim..try to "sink" them. (Make sure you put several in there to keep the pee pee IN the potty!) Two of my kids refused to train then literally in ONE day..no more diapers..it's panties and potty! (1 was 3 1/2 and the other newly 3.) Let him pick out his own underwear at the store. Good luck...it will happen! How many kindergarteners do you see in diapers!? :0)

Answer 4

A lot of suggetions here. I can' only tell you what worked for me. My son was pee-pee trained by 10 months and ca-ca trained by his first birthday. You can't push the subject. By making his sit down so often, he's resenting the potty. That's why he screams when you mention it. Maybe bring the potty into the living room so he can watch cartoons when he sits, making it less horrible for him. I didn't put my son in underwear until he had a pretty good control over it. They notice the need to go much better when they don't have anything on. When he's wearing underwear he feels that something is on him and it's simulating a diaper in his mind. Yes, you will have accidnets on the floor (hopefully a trail of it to the potty so he KNOWS where to do the deed). I use Resolve for the messes. Worked best. Good luck!!!

Answer 5

boys are harder to potty train then girls! i have 2 boys, and i am pregnant with my third baby right now! my oldest son is almost 3 and he is potty trained and has been for awhile! but i just one day took the diapers completely away from him! told him no more diapers! i wasnt being mean, he was showing interest long before i did that the reason i took the diapers away was because when i thought he was ready all of a sudden he didnt want to use the potty! so i took diapers away! after tat he made 1 or 2 accident a day for like a week, then one day no accidents since then! i gave him 1 gummy bear for peeing and 2 for pooping! i also did a sticker chart for him! he really enjoyed t putting the stickers on the chart! but most boys dont even show interest until they are 3 to 3 1/2! and pull ups are a bad idea(my personal choice) to the kids they are like diapers, so the will potty in them! well my son did! when i asked him why he was peeing and pooping in them he told me they were diapers! well i hope everything goes good for you! i would try a sticker chart! well congrats on the new baby coming! GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Maybe you should read him a book about the "potty" you could explain to him that when he pee's in his underwear he could get a rash and it will hurt. You could also tell him that if he doesnt go pee in the potty then he will not get a reward, even if he screams or cries. Make it a point that he does not get ANY reward unless he goes. If nothing else works maybe just make him stay in the bathroom untill he goes.

Hope you get some good answers good luck!!

Answer 7

Some people cannot stand to hear this answer, but as the mother of a now 4 year old son, I'm telling you from experience, he will go when he is ready. My husband and I tried EVERYTHING to get him to potty, and none of it worked. We had to listen to friends, family, and even complete strangers admonish us for him not being trained. We were not about to make him feel bad by punishing him, however, so we let nature take its course. About 3 months after he turned 3, he came to me and said mommy, I have to go, and he went and has been ever since. He does not wet the bed, and he's only had one accident and that was because he was sick. I'm a firm believer that children will do what they are supposed to, when the time is right. In the meantime, good luck (and be patient with him)

Answer 8

My daughter was fully potty trained by the time she was one. I used the method in the book 'how to potty train in a day or less'. It worked. After a few weeks she refused. I had the attitude'when she is ready'. Finally at 2 1/2 years old I had had it. I knew she knew~! So I decided the first step was to get her just to 'sit' on the tiolet on command. I would tell her, 'come with me' and take her hand. Once she saw we were headed to the tiolet, she put up a fuss and I had to physically carry her it. I would strip down her bottoms while she screamed and kicked. I would tell her ONE time 'SIT'. She didnt' and I would put her on the tiolet. She would lock her hips straight out and I put one thumb on each joint that unlocks her hips. She would trash and scream and I would just sit there and totally ignore her, singing or humming to stay calm and not show how p is sed off I was. I held her there until she quit and gave up and agreed to sit quietly after I moved my hands. It took 20 minutes to 2 hours per session. After a few days of doing this 3 or 4 times she would go and sit on her own. I didnt' tell her to go potty.. just sit on the the toilet. After she agreed to sit there like a normal human being then she basically potty trained herself as she already knew how. I just had to be more stubborn then her! And go deaf in the processes, lol. Any way she is 7 now and doesn't even remember.. but I sure do!

Answer 9

ok, first of don't force him, if you do he'll be scared cry and rebell. my daughter does that all the time, she has went on the potty 4 times since we started trtaing (3 months ago), when they're ready they're ready. all i can say is patients, adn rewards aren't good, other then a kiss and a hug and a good job big boy. patients is the key, trust me your gonna need it. also try getting tips from huggies pull up's web site, it's great and you can chat with mom's who are going through the same thing. i visit frequently. good luck, and i promise he'll go when he's ready just keep puting him on the potty every 30 mins. to an hour and don't give up.

Answer 10

Ditch the underwear completely. He won't like the sensation of urine flowing down his leg. It may be a hassle, but he will figure out that he has to go and he won't like the sensation at all. Up until now he has been allowed to void and defecate in his pants. He has to try and make the connection of urine and poo go in the potty. Get a drink and wet doll and illustrate that that is how it is done. Reward the doll and fuss over the doll. he will get he picture.