Mom telling me how to raise my child HELP.?

Question

My parents live in MY home with me, my husband and my 1 yr old. My mom is always telling me and my husband what to do with my daughter. I'm getting to the point where I want to kick her out but I can't do that. I have tried to talk to her about it but she dosent stop. My dad tells me just to ignore her but I cant. What should I do.

Answer 1

By nature, your mother will give you unwanted advice. You won't be able to stop it. Instead of ignoring it, listen to her and then say "Thanks for the advice, Mom. I will think about doing it that way." You don't HAVE to take her advice, but some of it might be helpful.

Answer 2

When she starts, just say "Mom - I've told you, when I need help, I'll ask for it!" and turn away. Change the subject. Every time. It's like training children - consistency is the key!
It would be a pity to break up a happy home if this is the only fly in the ointment. Congratulations on surviving this long. I know I couldn't!
BTW _ - I am not one of those "ignore it" people. Why should I have to take on board the difficulty of ignoring something that is wrong, while the person who is being upset is allowed to get away with it, because no one tells her to shut up?

Answer 3

Well, you need to ask yourself: Did mom do a good job with raising you? A lot of young parents these days seem to think that it's okay to raise their kids with no guidance, and they'll be okay. They won't be okay unless they're taught the right morals and shown that you love them. And taught responsibility.
My son has a plaque hanging on his wall that I had the whole time he was growing up. It says: Train up a child in the way he should go. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

Answer 4

That's tough as you don't want to hurt your mom's feelings and telling her hasn't stopped her from trying to tell you how to do things.

First, get the words "I can't" out of your vocabulary - that's hog wash. The question is "will you" consider just humoring your mother by listening and nodding your head and then do things the way you want to do them. I don't think you should take offense from her statements and that is what it sounds like to me - her telling you what to do is translated into "you don't know how to do anything right with a baby" by you. She's a new grandma and it's hard NOT to want to take care of the baby - trust me on that.

You may actually hear something you can use, too, one day, if you just keep an open mind and not take what she says personally.

Answer 5

Why do they live in your home?I would tell them that your living situation is crowded and they need to get there own place if possible.There is not enough room in one house for two families.You will eventually begin to resent her and have a bad relationship if they don't move out.I would also tell her she had her chance to raise a child,now it's your turn and if you need advice you will ask for it.I would also show her all the answers you got here,maybe she will get the hint and stay out of your business and get her own life.Good luck.

Answer 6

Is she a Dr Phil fan? There are a lot of talk shows online where people have had this problem and the host tells the in laws that the bahavior is wrong, so if she's into any of those you could find one and show her "see Mom, its OBNOXIOUS"

Maybe you could even talk her into seeing a family counselor a couple times, but be non chalant "I thought this would help us get a long better, for us both"

Good luck, even thought we love our Moms they can really get pesky as Grandmoms.

Answer 7

Ummmm, why can't you ask them to leave? Are your parents not old enough to move out on their own? You are in your own home, so you have every right to put your foot down. Tell her straight out, "Mom, I know you are trying to help, but you got to raise me, and now it is my turn to raise my child. If you did a good job of raising me, then I can raise this child on my own. If you didn't do a good job of raising me, why would I want you to raise MY child for me?"
Sounds like she doesn't listen if you are polite. Next time she butts in, tell her to sit there and think about why she thinks you don't deserve to raise your own daughter. Then go on about your business. If she doesn't listen, tell her that it is time for her and dad to find their own place and try to live alone like grown ups. You don't have to ignore her, you have to grow up enough to demand your rights.

Answer 8

Take matters into your hand before it is too late. Nip things in the bud. Make your mother realise that you are an adult. Initially she will resent it but later she will get resigned to it. If you don't draw the line straightaway things will go out of hand and very bitter because some time in the future you will blow your top.Be clear and firm in the beginning itself --otherwise you will get into trouble with your husband also and lose your peace of mind.

Answer 9

you and your mom have really different upbrining ethics.

neither one is wrong. but your mom needs to give you the respect to choose how to raise your child.

my daugher and I were in the same situation although they are staying with me.

she punishes to frequently and harsh, I never was like that. I feel sorry for my grandchild when I see these times and I have gotten in the middle of it a few times. Which only starts bad arguments and feelings between my daughter and even her husband.

we went to counseling and we were both told to back off of each other.

Counselor said I can give her my opinion only once and if she chooses to listen she can, if not I am to keep my mouth shut about it. And she can't keep telling me how to run my life as well.

good luck

Answer 10

I have no real comment. I am in your situation and was hoping to get some advice myself. My mother does not live with me but she is my aftercare provider. She never really bothered me before. I suppose because my behavior was close enough to what she wanted me to do. Some how my separation and divorce changed all that and she has tried to take over my life and manipulate me. She has caused unspeakable problems financially for me and my children. I try not to be disrespectful but our relationship simply does not mean anything to me anymore but I am trying to preserve her relationship with my children. Whenever she starts in with something I don't want to hear I just tune her out of become busy with something else. She did the same thing to me yesterday. Its ridiculous but it is what it is.