“I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!”
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"
”I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety.”
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.”
Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes”
“I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it
How young can you die of old age?”
My theory of evolution is that darwin was adopted.
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.”
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled,
2007-05-18 04:25:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
how would we know?”
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.”
I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.”
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.”
Black holes are where God divided by zero”
I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.”
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.”
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"”
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, anI put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds amazing.”
When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.”
2007-05-18 04:26:10 · update #1
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet.
So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?"
2007-05-18 04:46:10 · answer #1 · answered by gardenerswv 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's a 10
2007-05-18 04:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by jeeccentricx2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I even have some for you [: all of us can't be heroes. somebody has to take a seat on the facets and clap as they bypass by using. do no longer shop on with in my footsteps, because of the fact I run into countless partitions. that isn't any longer burger king, you may no longer have it your way. McDonald’s introduced they are going to be including 25 % extra beef to their hamburgers. as a consequence, McDonald’s hamburgers will now function 25 % beef.” a sparkling learn by using the yank scientific association shows that having intercourse does no longer set off a coronary heart attack — it’s getting caught having intercourse that triggers the middle attack.” adult adult males are like outhosues. all the forged ones are taken and all the undesirable ones are finished of crap Tragedy is when I decrease my finger. Comedy is once you walk into an open sewer and die. desire those helped [:
2016-12-29 10:39:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Steven such a wierd amazing fool. You gotta love it!
2007-05-18 04:35:45 · answer #4 · answered by Lovely Lady 27 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I poured spot remover on my dog, I really miss him now.
2007-05-18 05:00:40 · answer #5 · answered by jimapalooza 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
so what song were you playing on the harmonica?
funny!
2007-05-19 12:27:36 · answer #6 · answered by planack 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i love steven wright
2007-05-18 04:29:13 · answer #7 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋