Should I go to my cousin's wedding?

Question

Recently I got invited to my cousin's wedding, I already replied that my fiance & I would be going but then recently found out that he could not go. I wrote to my Aunt (my cousin's mother) telling her that he could not could but I was wanting to bring my sister since she was not invited (they are not close) & I know she wanted to go very badly, & this was before I have even metioned anything to my sister. My Aunt then very sharply replied that the inviation was only for myself & my fiance & that she questioned if I knew right from wrong by inviting my sister to take my fiance's place. I wrote back that I was sorry & that I didn't realize that the inviation was not a "plus one" thing. It was a misunderstanding but I feel very hurt by how my Aunt handled it & am not sure if I want to go at all, she doesn't know she hurt my feelings & I am sure she didn't mean to but still it was very insulting that she would think I would every do something so inconsiderate. Should I go?

Answer 1

It's too bad that there's a conflict at this very happy time.

Actually your Aunt is rude for not consulting with the BRIDE about inviting your sister. It's your cousin's wedding - not hers.

However, that said, there must be some reason why Aunt was so nasty - let your sister duke it out with her. YOU stay out of it. Your sister's absence will most certainly be a source of embarassment to Aunt anyway - so stay out of that hornets nest.

Anyway, in answer to your question:

Well, you can carry a grudge and not go

Or you can let all this mess stop with you and go by yourself.

Just smile and say that "Justin is so sorry he couldn't make it. He's here in spirit, though." If they ask where Sister is - smile and tell them to talk with Aunt - as you were not in charge of the guest list.

Honey, it's up to you - but taking the higher ground is usually the better choice.

Answer 2

Honestly, from the point of view of the bride, what the mother of either the bride or groom thinks about guests is irrelevant. I'd ask the bridal couple if I were you because even though officially the mother and father of the bride extends the invitation (Mr. and Mrs. So-and-so would like to announce the marriage of their daughter......) the guest list is ultimately up to the bride and groom.

The way I see it, your aunt was WAY out of line. You were only asking for permission, which is the only way to find out if it is in fact appropriate. I could see her reaction if you had just BROUGHT your sister, but obviously you have enough sense to be polite.

As to if you should go or not, that's entirely up to you and if you feel like you can rise above your aunt's petty behavior. Yes, the wedding is for your cousin, but you should not be forced to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation no matter how close the two of you are. If you do decide to not go, you should at least send a card with your congratulations.

Answer 3

Your Aunt did not handle this very well. She should not have been so rude. She is right though, the invitation is issued to the people on the card. So, if the invitation listed you & your fiance's name, you should not have asked if your sister could go. If your invitation said you + one (which is an etiquette no-no in itself since you're engaged) then you can bring anyone as your + one.

Now the decision you have to make is do you love your cousin enough to overlook his/her mother. I hope you do. Go to the wedding to be there for your cousin, not your Aunt.

Answer 4

Why not talk with the cousin instead of her mother? If the cousin doesn't mind if your sister attends, then I wouldn't think it should be a problem. Is there some reason why your aunt would not want your sister there? I would have mixed feelings though if my sister was not invited and not allowed to attend something such as a close relatives wedding. If your cousin agrees with your aunt ...in that your sister is NOT to come in your fiance's place, then I wouldn't attend. Be sure and send a note explaining why.

Answer 5

Don't take it personally, i think that her bit of rudeness was due to the fact that you even mentioned that you sister goes since you knew she was not invited, I think she may have been aiming that toward your sister and not at you. since you can understand that i think you should go and if your sister and her have a problem your sister should try to fix it what ever the issue maybe. I do believe that she could have just told you something like "HONEY YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOUR SISTER BUT, I HOPE YOU STILL COME BECAUSE I REALLY WANT YOU SHARE WITH US IN THIS SPECIAL DAY" I feel your hurt but it was not about you at all. GO AND HAVE FUN.
Remember in life sometimes we talk before our thoughts are processed and we hurt those we love, if we just took the extra second it took to process our thoughts we would be able to stop hurting peoples feelings. Sorry your feeling got hurt.

Answer 6

I wouldn't. Why would you want to be surrounded by rude, inconsiderate, cold, people, you do NOT deserve that kind of treatment. It doesn't matter that she's family, if they mistreat you, forget about it, unless they apologise (everyone does deserve a second chance). You shouldn't have to say you got hurt though, there not stupid, they choose to either acknowledge there mistake, and (very bravely) apologise. You are most likely setting a bad example on how people should treat you, by this I mean that you are the example. If you are self deprecating, have low self worth or don't love yourself enough, then how can you expect others to treat you any better? It makes sense, if you want to receive love, you must feel love from within, and it will flow into all aspects of your life. Therefore you won't have to deal with people like that, because you'll only meet like people (people think and feel as you do), and you'll attract everything you think and feel. So be happy, and at peace, don't worry about anything. Focus on who you would like to surround yourself with, and the situations you want to be in, things you are interested in. It'll happen, just believe :) Ox..

Answer 7

Yes, you should go, but don't bring your sister.

Your cousin intended to invite your significant other because you two are close and he will be in the family soon. She didn't invite your sister for a reason, so it would be inappropriate to bring her.

Your aunt was unnecessarily harsh, however, and you have a right to be hurt.

Answer 8

You should talk to her and tell her how you fell. It should be up to the bride decision on who go and who doesn't. It is not fair to invite you and not your sister cause that is family. Family is hard to come by especially when you need them. Even if they don't get along she should still go if the is what the bride want. You should be able to replace your sister for your fiance cause he can't go. You do what you fell best to do.

Answer 9

Be the better person and go. Yes your Aunt acted like a witch but remember this is about your cousin.

Answer 10

Tell her she hurt your feeling in the way she told you she could not bring your sister instead. After all she is part of the family.
But, if you really wanted to go then you should go, but if it did not really mean that much to you don't go and send no gift.
I hope things work out OK!