I have memories of being molested. Is it true?

Question

I have very vivid memories of being molested at a young age. I remember my Mom's friend's son abusing me everytime my Mom dropped me off at that house to do errands. I did not remember this until my Mom mentioned leaving me at other people's houses when I was young a few months ago.
Even before the memories started coming back I was affected. I didn't like being touched by anyone, especially men. I avoided initimate relationships. This is probably why I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed and never had a close friend.
Everytime I heard my classmates make sex jokes I would feel dirty about myself and not understand why. I tried my best not to show it. When a girl I sat with at lunch made really explicit jokes, I had to throw out my lunch because I felt so naceous.
I didn't like puberty at all. Developing a real woman's body made me feel violated.
I didn't like being noticed by men and always felt threatened when they showed interest in me.
Was I molested? What should I do?

One of the reasons I have doubts is that I feel it happened before I was three years old. Most people don't remember anything at that age, I didn't until there was a trigger.

I have no contact with him anymore. I don't know his name or where he lives. I can barely remember what he looks like because he's very generic looking. I just remember he was about 17 years old when he did this to me.
If I do meet him again for whatever reason, I would be scared to confront him but I'll try for my own sake.

Answer 1

It does sound like you were molested. It is common for young children that are molested don't remember until later in their adult life. It's a mechanism that isn't fully understood my the psychiatric community. It's the brain's way to protect you. For a lot of people the memory of the abuse is triggered by something that would be insignificant to other people. For you it was your mother mentioning that she dropped you off at people's houses.

The things you describe that happened as you aged seem like classic symptoms. People that are abused go one of two ways: the way you did (disliking attention and men) or being the complete opposite and crave male attention.

You really should seek some therapy to deal with these new emotions and memories.

Answer 2

Hey I'm sorry for what you've had to face.
You can have the bonus attribute in your life of respecting others' privacy, and having a respect for life.
Don't let your confusion and fear turn into fear and confusion toward all men. Most of us are not that way.

I would look into therapy or counseling for trauma survivors. If you were younger than three, it's also possible that you are having normal sexual anxities and are assigned past events that may not be true. Has this been substantiated by a confession or criminal apprehension? Did he admit it - or do you just assume that's what happened?

I understand that sometimes, feelings are so strong that we assume that events are real. Unless he has come forward and admit it, or you have explicit memory, try to have a positive regard for men that you have yet to understand like you will someday.

What you should do is seek counseling, if you feel that this will change your life in a negative way. If you can't get over this, and if he admits or is discovered to be an offender, seek psychological treatment.

Answer 3

Wow, I am so sorry that happened.

We block most of what happens before 3 years old, but the memories are still there. I remember being 2 years old and breaking my leg (My earliest memory) so just because you were young doesn't mean those memories aren't valid.

I can offer you some encouragement: You'll be able to beat this, and you'll come out of it a really strong person who's not afraid of much of anything, because you've fought and won this really incredible battle.

So please do get help. This isn't a burden you should try to deal with on your own. Stuff like this needs air. If you're too anxious about talking about it with a parent yet, try a school counselor or a religious leader first. They'll keep your confidence and it gets you on your way.

Good luck! You can do it!

Answer 4

I believe everyone has had some "abuse" experience sometime in their lives. Remembered or not the important thing to remember- you lived through it- you can help get yourself back. Do you still see this person who molested you? Was the person your same age? It was maybe plain childhood curiosity.
What helps more than going to the police and confronting the perptrator is writing this down for your self to see. Try to reconstruct what happened over the years. then write a letter to that person. Then tear the works up. Forgive yourself and forgive the other person and move on with your life. I know it sounds hard hearted but other wise you will be eaten up by all these memories and not get better. Start to look at everyone as a separate person good inside and struggling also. One day at a time.As soon as you feel better about yourself things will slowly fall into place.
Hug people you know. Shake hands- look people in the eye. Blush. Laugh at the jokes.
You are so articulate in your question there is little question that you will survive.

Answer 5

It's possible that it's true, but not definite. What I think is the real concern is that you find being a woman - an adult, sexual, woman - so difficult. This may, or may not, relate to molestation. Even if you were molested, this doesn't explain everything - if in all other ways your life had been absolutely fine, it wouldn't have had this sort of impact. Obviously, being molested/abused has an effect on your life, but how seriously is very much determined by what else is going on.

I would suggest you see a psychotherapist, not to try to unearth memories but to talk about the issue that is affecting your life in the here and now. In the course of this, you may find yourself remembering more about this incident; on the other hand, you may find yourself becoming aware of other things that could have led you to feel as you do about men, relationships and sexuality. Psychotherapy will offer you a space to explore and work through those aspects of your past that are making life hard today.

Answer 6

The same thing happened to me...
I had a memory block of the event for 6 years until someone said something and I remembered. I remembered the mans name, face and everything...and found out that it was true.

It may be true that you were molested, and even if you don't remember the event...what you were describing about what happened at school and that you didn't like puberty are "classic" signs of it.
I suggest talking to a therapist about this. Hypnosis is always good...it makes you travel into you're subconcious mind and then it will reveal if it was true or not. Sorry this happened to you.
All the best : )

Answer 7

This is a very sensitive issue and obviously must be driving you round the bend. Seriously go and see a hypno-therapist or something like that they may help you, and I know this sounds harsh, remember. It's better to remember what happened to you then you can get the best possible treatment from a doctor, therapist etc. Whatever you do, don't let it pray on yuor mind. It will seriously screw you up. And I think you already should know this and it sounds so obvious but it wasn't your fault.
Poss talk to the police too, especially if u know a name.
Things like this are very traumatic and you may suffer a lot. You'll feel guilty, ashamed, dirty, angry etc and I really feel for you. I do. Iv'e been involved in a similar situation. E-mail me if your feelings become tense/unbearable whatever and I will try and give advice/support.
I was once told this by councillor because I used to suffer (and still do) fits of rage and horrible emotions, and she said it's like been bitten by a dog say when you were six, and thene when you get older you have forgotten about the incident that happened years ago and you find that you are terrified of dogs (jumpy if they come near you)

Answer 8

No one likes puberty. As for the rest of your statement, it is possible that you were molested. It is possible that you are just remembering it now; however, there are many people who experience the symptoms you are talking about that were not molested. There are also people who develop false memories. You may have been or you may be more sensitive to things than others. You decide what you should do. If it is impacting your life, then you need to get help. If it does not then try to move on.

Answer 9

You can put tramatizing things in the back of your mind and forget they ever happened which is probably what happened . When I was younger I was molested by three of my first cousins and I didn't remember that it happened until I was in the ninth grade. I was crying alot i had become more angry and mybody was changing and I was afraid to tell my mom that I was having female issues so I kept it to myself. I have experienced some of the same feelings you have. I don't like when people make dirty jokes or talk about their sex life or just sex peeriod around me it makes me uncomfortable. But I advise you to pray about it and ask God to help you understand. By all means tell someone so ou'll have someone to help you deal with this issue.

Answer 10

If you think you are having memories of being molested, you need to talk to someone. It's scary thinking about confronting someone you think may have molested you, but if you still are in contact with this person, you may want to tell them. (I know sounds reallyt scary/crazy). Talk to a parent, sibling, close friend that you trust, a school counselor, anyone you feel comfortable confiding in and tell them. It may help you remember more and it will definitely help start the healing process.