What kind of junk is this? Not only has he NOT tried to visit or support my daughter in anyway for the last 5 years (no calls, no birthday/Christmas presents, no loving conversations, NOTHING) but all of a sudden I get served papers for an upcoming court date for visitation purposes?? Come ON!
Yeah, I am a single mother. And no, I'm not looking for sympathy...we're doing just fine. :) But my question is...should a man like this REALLY be given visitation by a judge in a court of law? I've spoken to people who actually say that happened to them. The judge pretty much said "well, he's trying now....blah blah blah". He was never a good father...we moved away to get away from his verbal abuse when my daughter was 4. She is now nine. Going crazy here...any suggestions?
2007-05-18 01:47:53 · 17 answers · asked by Tra-la-la! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yeah, so my daughter says to me...after I sat her down and explained that I was going to court and that it may be possible she has to stay with her 'dad' in the near future...."mom, do I have to stay with that man?". Nice. Talk about pulling at your heartstrings. The problem is, I know him. He will take her to McDonald's or somewhere, and then drop her off at his family's house. ugh. You guys think he's doing this (unfortunately) because he is trying to get back at ME?
2007-05-18 01:57:50 · update #1
Trust me guys, I am 100% Christian and have always been taught to not speak harshly about anyone...regardless of the situation. My daughter only knows what she has seen and heard at an early age. I would never 'dad bash' around her. That would be stupid on my part. And if he changed, that would be different. However, when you hear things and know the things I do about him, you know he hasn't changed. Unfortunately.
I agree 100% she needs a male figure. I never said she didn't. :) I am actually very involved with my b/f and she loves him to death. And FORGET the back support issue....I just don't want him to have her for one WEEK and undo the things I've taught her for NINE years. You know? Just don't want her to pick up on his selfish and insincere ways...though I know I've taught her well.
Bottom line...if he was doing this for HER...it may be different. :( Thanks for you guys' comments...they are helping...
2007-05-18 02:10:32 · update #2
One more thing....I have tried in the past...he called a couple years ago (when he found out I had a new man in our lives) and wanted to 'help'. I opened her a savings account at a bank near to him....at his request. In 5 years, he's put 0 dollars in. Sad really.
I've never taken him to court for child support. Because he is verbally abusive, I didn't see the need to take his money. My daughter is loved and very well taken care of.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox now. It's just that I stayed up late last night thinking bout this.... thanks again to ALL of you!!!
2007-05-18 02:14:38 · update #3
Child support should have no bearing on visitation. If he's a deadbeat as you say, take him to court for back child support, he should pay, no argument there but that IS HIS DAUGHTER and you can not punish him by keeping him from his child. I've heard of mothers who go on a druggy expedition through slutty scuzville only to sober up years later and come back to disrupt every body's lives by getting full custody.
2007-05-18 01:59:45 · answer #1 · answered by Gardner? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has not paid child support in 5 years and it was court ordered, depending on what state you live in he will be ordered to pay it back right away or end up in jail If you have not turned him in to the state as of yet, you need to do that. I know as painful as it is, he will have the right for visitation. Obviously he has gone threw the motion to obtain the order. You can as a mother do one of two things. Take him to court to get back all the years of not paying or be the bigger person and allow the visits. I would however put big restrictions on them. Since your daughter really does not even know the man she should get to know him gradually! And let her make up her own mind. Also, if you have strict rules about parenting, let him know what you think is appropriate. Either he's grown up or he's just playing the game. Being a product of a very bad divorce the last thing a child wants to hear is bad stuff about the other parent. Even if you can't stand the man, do not reflect that to your child. I would talk to him first, calmly and firmly what you expect out of this for your child. My mother was the one who bad mouthed my father for nearly 25 years after thier divorce. It almost made me take sides. Thats an awful feeling for any kid.
2007-05-18 09:10:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's not what you want to hear...you want someone to be sympathetic to your plight...and understand your anger....I am, I do, but maybe he has had a change...how can anyone know a man's heart except God? It's not about you him, it's about you daughter. Our culture this day and age has tried to teach that both parents aren't essential to a child's psyche, but honestly a child needs both a mom and dad. They need the different perspective that each parent brings. It is a sorry thing that he hasn't stepped up until now...but, so much for your daughter that he has. Another bit of advice: It is perfectly normal for you to feel this way, but any "dad bashing" on your part in front of your daughter is really the worst thing you could do. It isn't healthy, and regardless of how you feel, it is still her father...you shouldn't speak ill of him, or allow her to do it in front of you. I know that seems far fetched, but it will come back and bite you in the bum one day. Your poor daughter could be a man hater and have a very difficult time trusting or finding happiness with a genuinely wonderful man some day. There are many ways this could play out, but I encourage you to take the high road! If you are really worried about it, you could request the judge require him to take anger management or some other counseling before he has time alone with your daughter....but don't think of it as his right, think of it as hers.
2007-05-18 09:05:01 · answer #3 · answered by Shannon D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should not be allowed, but unforunately he will probably be allowed to visit her. This sickens, me this creep has no right seeing her after all this time without one penny of support or any visits. Hopefully in court you can prove what a loser he is and hopefully they will listen to your daughter's wishes. I can't believe people saying he has the right ot see his daughter, if he cared one little bit who would have come around in 5 years, also, I know you don't give a crap about the money or you would have gone after him for it. Good luck.
2007-05-18 09:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What should be and what is are not always the same thing! It is heart breaking to hear your story but if the court appoints this visit then you are stuck with it. Can you try for supervised visits? I hope he has changed enough that he can be pleasant to his child if not loving and responsible. Can you hire somebody to follow them to make sure she is safe? And make sure she has a cell phone so she can call if she is in a bad situation. I hope this turns out better than you expect it to, for her sake.
2007-05-22 02:37:52 · answer #5 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please take this very seriously. It happened to my daughter and the Dad did get visitation rights. He was also ordered to pay back child support and weekly child support payments. They started him with supervised visits until my grandson got to know him and then he got every other weekend, a week at Christmas, the week of spring break and a month in the summer. He was abusive to my daughter when they were together and we were very careful to check my grandson when he came home for signs of abuse. Please get an attorney and make as many stipulations as you need to feel safe and to feel like your daughter is safe.
2007-05-18 08:56:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you can afford it, get a lawyer. If not, legal aid might be able to help If there is abuse in the home, he shouldn't be allowed to see her without someone to supervise the visitation. See if you can get witnesses to account for the abuse. Talk to your daughter about abuse and be ready to call you if she feels threatened. Document everything. He may get visitation so you need to be prepared for what comes next. My daughter calls me anytime my EX gets upset around her.
2007-05-18 09:04:54 · answer #7 · answered by blue_dragon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will be allowed to see her, but you can request the court to make it supervised visits. And he will have to pay for them, but you will also be able to request the child support that he owes you. And if he really wants to see your daughter then he will agree to it.
2007-05-18 17:06:48 · answer #8 · answered by tljohnson6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its a shame that he has been out of your daughters life frm day one..i honestly feel that he shouldnt have visitation just because your daughter doesnt need a man coming in and out of her life...its a tough one to call..i dont buy that crap "he's trying"..thats nothing but bull doo doo...good luck hun..no matter what just make sure your daughter knows she is loved which im sure you are already doing...
2007-05-18 09:10:21 · answer #9 · answered by sunshine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Watch out this jerk may be trying to get her back and make you pay support to him.Do you have a good attorney?
Maybe,just maybe he has realized how much he was/is a jerk and wants to mend his ways.Maybe he grew up?
I wish you luck,think with your head not your heart.Be well.
2007-05-18 08:59:38 · answer #10 · answered by waterlover 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋