Is it unfair of me to expect to get a little help around the house. After all, the 18 year old goes to school and has a job, the 23 year old has a full time job and is a musician? After all they are busy people! NOT! So are thier Dad and I! I work full time at a job that requires a lot of hours and Dad is on the road most days. Why don't they just see that the dishes need to go into the dishwasher! That the garbage is over flowing! Somehow they think its ok for me to come home from a long day and just take care of picking up! Why do some kids think that way! I provide them with a great home, especially since the 23 year old should be out of the house by now. Do other young people treat thier Moms this way? Why does anyone think its ok for Mom to work all day and have to come home and clean the kitchen while everyone else sits down?????
How do I turn them around???
2007-05-18 00:27:25 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Funny thing is I do get some help, sometimes only when I become a raging b***h. Their are rules and expectations! I spend a better part of my day making decisions for other people, yet I come home to a sink full of dishes, I have a housekeeper that does the heavy stuff, but between visits this house can end up trashed. Really when do kids wake up and just take care of us!
2007-05-18 01:09:23 · update #1
Sit them down and inform them your home is NOT a 5 star hotel. Stop doing their washing, ironing and cooking for them.
You are houseful of 4 adults, so they can do their fair share of cooking, cleaning and everything else.
If they don't learn now, imagine what sort of spouses they will make - they'll still be living with you when they are 40, because they'll never find a spouse to do all the stuff Mum does.
No harm in having a roster of whose turn it is to cook dinner, take out the garbage, whatever. Write up a list of agreed tasks and stick it on the fridge. Agree penalties for non-performance. Have a family meeting to determine and agree the tasks and penalties.
Explain to them that you and your husband are entitled to a life and some free time, and that slavery has been outlawed for some years.
Just read your extra notes - while there may be rules and expectations, these are being ignored, are they not? You and your husband need to make things a little clearer - bottom line is - SHAPE UP OR SHIP OUT! Trust me, they'll change their tune after a few months out in the big bad world, where there are bills to pay and reality hits hard.
2007-05-18 00:31:58 · answer #1 · answered by Gillian 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Well if they are both grown and working full time they should be moved out by now. But being they are still at home you should make them start paying you rent to help out with the bills and maybe you would have enough to hire someone to come help you out a few times a week. Set some rules, and stick to them. Tell them they need to learn some responsibility... they can either help you around the house or move. I have 2 kids and i make them help me out around the house.
2007-05-18 00:37:17 · answer #2 · answered by brat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't know the history, but perhaps you have always done everything for them? That does not mean you have to tolerate it forever though. They are both old enough to take care of themselves. Here are some ideas that will get your point across, but you have to be willing to follow through. Make a daily menu for meals with prices on it. Give it to them the day before and tell them to choose their meals and provide you with their payment BEFORE you cook it for them. Laundry can be handled in much the same way. If they don't pay, don't do it. They won't starve, and if they have to wear dirty clothes to work one day, they might get the point. Anything laying around the house that belongs to them, put in a box and put into their bedroom. Close their bedroom door and DO NOT pick it up for them. You can charge a fee for everything, just like a hotel does. Simply let them know, that they have to contribute to the household unless they want to pay for the services you are providing for them.
2007-05-18 01:17:43 · answer #3 · answered by kitty_cat_claws_99 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet you cleaned up after them when they were little right? Did they have chores from early on? Or did you do all the cooking and cleaning when they were growing up? I suspect they are just being how they are because thats how they are used to it being. How could they all of a sudden just realise they need to help when they never had to? So this is not exactly their faults but they ARE adults now so you will have to rely on their sensibilities to see what needs to change for them to continue to live with you . And really you will be doing them such a disservice if you dont at least try to turn them around or they will never be capable of doing it for themselves which means some poor spouse will end up having to "do" for them!! Also, do you make them pay a little for food and rent? You should for sure charge them a little bit to offset your costs and especially to teach them a little bit of the real world! they will still be getting it alot cheaper but wont have such a reality shock when they DO move out!! They need to have some idea on how to prioritise and to budget their money on real life things! Can't spend the car payment on a new piece of equipment or CD's or whatever w/o having some expensive consequences from it in the real world and its not easy to use self discipline to not give in to what you want at the moment if you cant conceive of the consequences!Hope that makes sense...I'm really tired and tend to babble then! good luck and be firm! you really will be doing them a huge favor!
2007-05-18 01:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by trixxxi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had simple chores at age 6 and as I grew I got a few more chores or chores that required more complexity. I believe an 8 to 10 year old can take out the trash. A 7 year old should make his own bed. You will get what you expect from a child as long as you inspect what you expect. Don't treat the kid like Cinderella though, just assign small responsibilities so that as he/she mature they can handle larger ones without stressing.
2016-05-22 04:58:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's time to get tough, you've been Mrs Nice Mum for way too long now. If they're not happy with the new rules, they can move out. But I'm pretty sure they'll come around - they realise things have been good for so long that they just might be ready to help out. Maybe they thought you were enjoying it so much doing everything on your own - ask them - tell them - make a list - stick to your rules. You can do it mum.
2007-05-18 00:49:09 · answer #6 · answered by Sunny 1st 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it is time to get stern. After all this is the time to grow up and learn self responsibility. Either they start helping out around the house or they find a new place to live. I am sure as their mom that is the hardest thing to do but it is be a cool mom or have clean house. You decide which is more important and stick to it!
2007-05-18 04:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by Jessica C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When do they wake up and do for themselves? When you stop doing it for them. Put the trash bags in their bedrooms. Only wash the dishes you use. Only cook dinner for you and your husband, when he is there. Do not do their laundry. Put a lock on the bathroom if there is only one or on yours so they cannot use it. I would ask the housecleaners to stay away for a month. Unless of course they want to contribute to the cost of keeping them.
At the end of the month sit down with all of them and ask them what chores they will be responsible for. And do not do them if they do not. Have boundaries. How about they are not welcome to live in your home if they do not keep up with their responsibilities? You are not the maid, the servant or the groundskeeper. You are the wife and mother. Demand respect and stick to your guns!
Good luck!
2007-05-21 19:27:07 · answer #8 · answered by dizzkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is probably due to years of training by you and your husband, If they were taught at a young age to clean up then they would be doing it now. Sounds like they are both old enough for the boot.. this way you and your husband can have some much needed time alone to do what you want without worring about those messy grown kids.
2007-05-18 00:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by slim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've allowed them to get away with this for years. If you'd trained them at age 3 and up, you wouldn't have this problem now.
So... I would take everything of theirs that is not where it belongs and toss it into the yard.
Or, here's a thought, put the one that's out of school OUT. 23 is far too old to be living at home, not paying rent, and not helping.
2007-05-18 01:40:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋