OK, I'm having a bit of a get together at the weekend with my two sisters and our boyfriends, and as it's my eldest sister's birthday and she absolutely loves jokes, she has challenged us to all come up with a fantastic joke and the best one wins a prize. Come on everyone, I need your suggestions!
2007-05-18 00:10:09 · 14 answers · asked by Hotpink555 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
stevie wonder was playing a concert in Japan. half way through the show, someone shouts up at him "play a jazz chord!!"
stevie hears this and glad that someone is aware of his extensive musical history, fires into a couple of jazz numbers.
at the end of these, the voice shouts up again "play a jazz chord!!"
stevie again hears this and blasts into some improv. jazz pieces and plays them with all his heart.
at the end of these, the voice shouts up one more time "play a jazz chord!!!"
stevie shouts out to the guy "look man, i've played all the jazz i know!! what song do you want me to play?"
the man says "A JAZZ CHORD!"
stevie says "i'm sorry, i don't know that one. sing some of it and i might be able to pick it up....."
with that the man starts singing.........
"I jazz chord..............to say............i wove you!!"
2007-05-18 00:19:01 · answer #1 · answered by the man 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A Sales Representative, Am Administration Clerk And A Manager Were Going For Lunch, When They Came Across An Ancient Oil Lamp.
Upon Rubbing It, A Genie Appeared And Said, "I'll Grant You All One Wish Each !"
Hearing This, The Sales Representative Quickly Said, "Me First ! Me First ! I Want To Be In The Bahamas, With A Speed-Boat, And Without A Care In The World !"
The Genie Snapped His Fingers And *Poof* The Man Disappeared.
Next The Administration Clerk Came Forward And Said, "I Want To Be In Hawaii, Relaxing On The Beach, With My Personal Masseuse, An Endless Supply Of Pina-Colada And The Love Of My Life !"
The Genie Snapped His Fingers Again And *Poof* The Clerk Was Gone.
The Genie Turned To The Manager And Said, "Ok, You're Up !"
The Manager Said, "I Want Those Two Back In The Office After Lunch !"
2007-05-18 00:32:09 · answer #2 · answered by Athmika K 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
Does anyone know any brilliant jokes?
OK, I'm having a bit of a get together at the weekend with my two sisters and our boyfriends, and as it's my eldest sister's birthday and she absolutely loves jokes, she has challenged us to all come up with a fantastic joke and the best one wins a prize. Come on everyone, I need your...
2015-08-25 17:00:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amazing home remedies
1. If you are choking on an ice cube , don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and hey presto!
the blockage will be almost instantly removed.
2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about not putting the toilet seat back down, by simply pissing in the sink.
4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough!
7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.
8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:
You only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40.
If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
amazing remedies to impress your friends,
now pass it on!
2007-05-18 00:14:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
ok this is a great joke for u hope ur sis likes it:
Every morning a huge man built like a wrestler got on the same bus."Big John Doesn't Pay!"he always announced before taking his seat.tired of being taken advantage of,the bus driver finally decided to do weightlifting .six months later he felt ready to challenge the passenger.
"big john doesn't pay" said the man as he boarded the bus.
"And why not?" roared the driver squaring up to him .
"because Big John has a bus pass"he replied.
(hope u like it)
2007-05-18 00:21:29 · answer #5 · answered by zoom 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto.
The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband.
The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs.
She didn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.
Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breasts!
The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken breasts.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages.
Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...
What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English!
*********************************************************************
To make it stand....you wet it!
To make it wet........you suck it!
To make it stiff........you lick it!
To get it in...............you push it!
Threading a needle when you're older is no joke!
2007-05-18 00:22:42 · answer #6 · answered by evamariehoople 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
1) paddy and max were walking down a country road when they see a headstone paddy says to max hey this guy who died here was old he had a good life max says what was his name paddy replies miles from london
2) how do u get a fat bird into bed?
a) a piece of cake
3) my hubbys ex was called spannerface
** everytime she looked at him his nuts tightened
4)my ex's dad owned a video shop when i took her out he said she had to be in by 11 i didnt get her home till 12 so i had to post her through the letterbox and pay an extra 2 quid
5)i went to a pub quiz the other night and the pub was that rough the first question was OI WHAT U LOOKING AT
6) i bought a tub of hp sauce the other day when i got to counter the cashier said 2p i said by thats cheep she said is 2p a week for 12 weeks hp get it hire purchase
hope these help
2007-05-18 00:21:11 · answer #7 · answered by charlotte_franko 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to......to....cut it off are you?!" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."
Hope you like it. X
2007-05-18 06:53:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
here's one from my joke calender
Little Billy’s class was on a field trip to the local police station when he noticed pictures of the “Ten Most Wanted Criminals” on the bulletin board. He asked the policeman conducting the tour if the men in the photos were really wanted by the police.
“Oh, yes,” said the policeman. “We want very badly to capture them.”
Little Billy asked, “Then why didn’t you keep them when you took their pictures?”
hope you like it
2007-05-22 00:05:22 · answer #9 · answered by ceaskew25 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A handsome young member of a church was to give the sermon on Sunday. On Saturday,he had laryngitis,and was able only to whisper. He thought"I must let the pastor know that I won't be able to give the sermon. If I call him,he won't hear me. I'm going to his house to tell him."
He goes to the parsonage. The door opened. It was the pastor"s lovely wife."Is the Pastor home?" he whispered.
"No" she whispered back. "C"mon in."
2007-05-21 18:37:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋