he smoked 4 packs a day, lived the hard & fast lifestyle, but no alcohol in 20 yrs (he's 53) so this smacked him down....BIG TIME! The problem is, before all of this he was an asshole (sorry) and now he's a W-O-R-S-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ASSHOLE. He is just miserable because of all of this, but doesn't really blame himself for it happening, not that he should, but he never was one to admit responsibilty anyway. I try to help him do things (surg was 9 days ago) and he yells, and is just plain evil. Don't even mention counseling, he has a loaded gun, and will shoot anyone who suggests it or approaches him on it. Trying to quit smoking has a huge impact, on me as well...I'm trying to quit too, but he stresses me out, I feel like sneaking off and smoking. I'm just hating this situation right now. And sick of smiling in front of others about "How great its going".....Damn, Im tired. I cleaned the house for 4 days (he was hospitalized 6 days) getting rid of nicotine, and dust...yuk.
2007-05-15 23:07:02 · 9 answers · asked by Peaceful 3 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Heart Diseases
I just need support I guess, any suggestions?
2007-05-15 23:17:29 · update #1
...and I'm sick of trying to "care" because he doesn't care. And just screams at me, and he's just soooooooooooooooo mean. I'm SICK of faking it, and portraying how "fine" everything is...damn, its just sucking soooooooooo bad...you all have NO IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-15 23:26:23 · update #2
On top of being in recovery from major surgery, he is an aspiring actor. Depending on the situation, and who is around, he either is a 97 year old incoherant, mumbling, blind, moaning & drooling idiot with an attitude, or a hot-shot lifting his shirt to compare scars with anyone anywhere, even the mailman. Its been 11 days and already getting OLD....very fast. I am so annoyed. And so tired of being his maid servant.
2007-05-17 22:25:37 · update #3
Thank you God for not blessing me a son like you.
2007-05-23 06:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Dr.Qutub 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots if stuff here. Lots. When someone has a major life event that affects the heart, there can be (and often is) a radical personality change. Couple that with his flair for the dramatic and I think that really fuels the fires. He also just quit smoking, and the side effects of that one are irritability, nervousness and anxiety. Instead of suggesting counseling and risk irritating him more, he may benefit from a mood stabilizing medication.
Be in touch with his doctor, but not without his consent. It'd be very easy for him to view you as the enemy, then. Both off you should talk to his doc.
Even though he's not admitted responsibility, he may be in the process of accepting it (knowing that his years of smoking contributed to this).
This isn't to say that you have to suck it up and be nothing but sweet to him. Supportive to him, but realistic. Let him know how the way he behaves affects you and that you'll no longer tell friends that all is going well.
Acknowledge the impact this has on him; but ALSO tell him of the impact it has on you, always speaking from "I." I have a hard time explaining to friends...." "I know this is a difficult time is difficult for you. But I need to tell me that it's difficult for me when_________________" Don't say anything about counseling right now. I'd leave that go for now.
You can tell them that there are bumps in the road; there always are with major surgery. I don't know the mechanism exactly, but when something affects the heart, the WHOLE human is affected. It's the core of your being, so he may be having a REAL hard time adjusting.
Wise of you to do the cleaning to rid of the leftover smell. I applaud you for caring for a man who right now is making you miserable.
2007-05-23 06:17:21 · answer #2 · answered by Nurse Annie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His personality change may partially be explained by the surgery. It is well known that after bypass surgery some patients have a change in brain function thought to be due to microscopic "strokes" effecting the brain.
The good news is that things often improve with time, so if possible stick by him and support him. It may not be his fault.
Speak to your cardiologist about it too. There is no specific treatment...just wait for a while.
The other factor may be related to ceasing smoking, which he MUST contine to stop.
Sounds like you are doing a great job! Maybe get a family member or good friend to help care for him every now and then, to take the pressure off a bit.
All the best. Things will improve for the better!!!
2007-05-16 01:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has added a lot of great information, but I think one thing is missing. I have noticed a lot of middle-aged men have the toughest time going through major surgery or being hospitalized for the first time. I think it is related to a loss of independence. They are forced to depend on others when they have never had to depend on others before. They are used to getting up and having that cigarette whenever they want, and now all of a sudden he can't. He has lost his freedom and now he can't live that "hard & fast lifestyle." Good luck and God Bless.
2007-05-23 13:49:43 · answer #4 · answered by Mark 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a triple bypass in Dec 2006 and I am fully recovered now. I am 56 yrs old. Your husband is feeling at a loss because he just realized that he is mortal. Like me, probably the surgery scared him into reality. We will not live for ever and our position as the "family rock" was threatened. I don't know what to say that can help you. He just has to accept the fact that we do have weaknesses and hopefully we will have many years left.
2007-05-16 07:24:23 · answer #5 · answered by radtech 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drs. fail to tell us that there is a bad depressiona after heart surgery. I had quadruple about 9 yrs. ago and I had severe depression. I know I was terrible. Scared, mad, hurt, pain,
worried, you name it.
A lot of people act differently around other people, I have noticed that with almost everyone.
It does change your minds way of seeing things.
I feel most of my modesty is gone.
I understand you are tired and I know he his a problem.
You need to get help for you to handle this.
After about 6 months if he is still this way, work it out between you. Sounds as if you need a break, get someone to stay while you get out once in awhile and try to enjoy yourself.
Really he doesn't need you 24 hrs a day. My husband had to go to work and I was fine on my own till he got home.
He needs to be up and getting exercise.
2007-05-21 05:35:16 · answer #6 · answered by lana s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His Doctor should be able to tell you where to get the help
that you obviously need. Call Council on Aging. 50 should qualify him.
Look in the Phone book for anything that sounds interesting.Call all over and keep calling, before you are also
very sick. You can't continue what you are doing, without help.
2007-05-23 20:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by Answers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are so right to be frustrated, sick and tired of putting on your happy face......you need to take care of YOU. Talk to your MD or his , or you see a counselor to help you vent and deal with all this. You care deeply for him, but you may not be able to change or save him....
2007-05-16 04:57:20 · answer #8 · answered by mago 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my dad was a smoker until he had his 6bypass, he was a pain in the *** aswell, but it did get beter down the track.
good luck
2007-05-15 23:16:39 · answer #9 · answered by Angela W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋