I really don't want to hurt her?

Question

I met this girl, she is wonderful, great personality, and I sort of like her. We are both looking for a long-term relationship (eventually marriage) and that is something we have agreed upon.

Knowing that we are both commitment-oriented, we agreed to get to know each other first to see how compatible we are before jumping into next levels (normal course of a relationship) and may be with time we can make a commitment.

What really worries me is that the other day she was distracted and not herself, so I asked her what is wrong? She opened up to me and told me that she is afraid of getting hurt if what we have here doesn't work and she is falling hard for me. Well, I kept a moment of silence, then i told here that this is how life works, you try your best but what happens happens. I told her that i might get hurt too.

I really don't know what to do?
-should I slow down with her. (less calls, Less e-mails, less time together)
-should i tell her that we are still knowing each other

Answer 1

You did great already. You already talked with her about it.

If she's still distracted, then it's because she senses you don't like her as much as she likes you. So I would tell her you care about her, then do something special for her (like a surprise gift or something).

Basically she's seeking some affection and attention from you in the relationship. To keep things going, you need to give her some. After that, you can slow down a little if things are going a bit fast for you.

Answer 2

Still Knowing Each Other,
Slowing Down With Her Would Only Cause More Problems Eg. Misunderstandings Such As Avoidance.

Answer 3

You could tell her the truth - that because she is scared of being hurt, now you are scared of hurting her, because you don't know yet if she is 'the one'. Like you say above, that would be telling her that you are still getting to know each other.

On the other hand she has fallen into a very old trap - she has scared you off! So emailing her 'You have scared me off and I need this to all slow down' would be just as good - then you could just slow up. It gives her exactly the same message.

Both your ideas are fair and good, as long as you treat her with respect by letting her know thats whats going on.

Answer 4

i believe that the last thing that you should is to slow down with her in this way.firstly you should talk to her.Say to her,in life you cant expect that everything will be smooth and nice.of course you ll have problems and arguments but thats how a healthy relationship is (always have in mind not to overdo it).As long as you both like each other and you r both wiling to make this work everything will go just fine. you cant live this life with the fear that you might get hurt.its a risk of life.there s always the possibility to get hurt.Tell her,"what if it is meant for us to be together and you just let it go because you r afraid..?"that would be even worse than getting hurt because if you get hurt in a month,in a year you ll get over it but if you lose the man/woman of your life you ll never get over it and you ll always regret it...In the end,when you say these things,ask her,do you want me to give you some time?do you want to slow things down....if you do just say it to me and i ll do it because i believe there s something between us(say this if you really mean it)and a wont do anything to ruin this.Say to her " i m not planning to hurt to as long as you dont plan to hurt me either",smile to her and then give her a big hug (so as to make in the end the atmosphere more pleasant and also,because woman always like to see tenderness by a man:) )....my opinion

Answer 5

If she feels that way about you, what she needs is more of your support and attention, not less of it. You can't "slow down" falling in love. What you can do is slow down how fast you take that. I would advise you not to rush into commitments or any other such thing, but you can't pace how you feel. Denying that and trying to distance yourself from her now would only be painful for you both and detrimental to your relationship.

Answer 6

I don't think less calling, emails and time together is the answer because if she is afraid of getting hurt she will take this as a rejection or that you aren't interested anymore.

Tell her you don't want to hurt her, that you are still getting to know each other and see what happens.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Everything seems fine to me. It sounds like a normal situation whereas reality has set in and she just that natural instinct to check herself before going forward. The only concern is that she told you and now you are worried too.

You both need to relax and continue as you are as it sounds like a could relationship is going to grow from this.

Answer 8

You definitely need to slow things down. She has obviously been really hurt in the past and until she gets over it or confronts it or whatever, it will haunt her and it will intervene in your relationship. Just go slow and don't rush. You're right to tell her though that whatever happens happens. Good luck.

Answer 9

Well, if you slow things down with her then it may alert her and cause her to continue acting strange. It's hard to leave yourself open to another person. I think you should just be cautious and continue to keep things casual. You seem to know what's important, and you seem to be a lot like myself. If you find a nice girl that wants what you want, like this girl, you should just be careful and just be yourself.

Answer 10

dude..if u do the less calls less sms thingy, thn seriously she will be H-U-R-T...n tht is what she was scared of in the 1st place...well xplain to her tht u r scared as well,but if u don't give it a try u myt just miss out on the greatest thing ever....so...get to know each other better..see how things go..