In December, I got back together with a boyfriend who cheated, so I already have trust problems with him. One of the conditions was that we have 100% honesty, and he's been doing pretty well with it, 'til tonight. Of all things, he lied about how many drinks he'd had before driving home. (He's underage, but it would upset me even if he weren't.) It's not a huge deal, but a lie is a lie is a lie. I feel like he's testing the waters to see how much I'll put up with. I told him tonight if he lies again, even about a small thing, I'm out of here. But is asking for 100% honesty asking too much? I'm talking about when he lies on purpose- I can tell if it's just a mistake. I've gotten over alot to salvage this relationship, so maybe this is minor. But I also feel like after everything, I shouldn't have to overcome even more of the petty behavior. We've been together 2 1/2 years, he's always had truth problems. Are there "small" lies, and are they dealbreakers?
2007-05-12 19:03:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No, he didn't cheat again, and no, he wasn't embarrassed about how much he drank. He lies to keep me from getting mad at him when he does something he knows I disagree with. That's why I think it may be a bigger issue - it's about his inability to deal with responsibility, even if it means losing other people's respect and trust.
2007-05-12 19:10:56 · update #1
i feel the same way you do about the 100% honesty thing, but is it asking too much..............................NO, not for important issues. for the drinking issue i feel you have a right to be upset because what was the big deal about telling you how many drinks he had? its like he's taking your intelligence for granted. then you think if he/she is willing to lie about something so little whats to say they are being honest about something big!!!!!!!! the drinking situation isnt that big of a deal, but he felt compelled to lie about it. a lie is a lie. relationships are built around trust. if you dont have trust......you have no relationship!!!!!! i agree that if it happens again to cut him loose. the waters have already been tested. dont allow him to get comfortable.
2007-05-12 19:16:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
"We've been together 2 1/2 years, he's always had truth problems." your exact words
That tells it all - and the reality is a non-cheating "nice guy" good citizen type (e.g one that doen't drink and drive) would probably bore you to death
Your post merely reaffirms why many guys today have become jerk/player types which keeps the drama junkies happy and the "chemistry" going - however the sad thing about your post is THIS guy could actually get you kllled in a car accident due to his drunk driving- yet you've already spent more than 2 years on the guy
Best advice is to get a new jerk (since odds are you need that at least) however EITHER DRIVE YOURSELF or get a non- boozer next time
2007-05-13 02:23:57 · answer #2 · answered by JET99 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
100% honesty is definately not too much to ask for. if there was lying in small things alot of the time, soon you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between when he's telling a truth and a lie. i really admire your courage to stand up and declare that you want 100% honesty.
2007-05-13 02:11:41 · answer #3 · answered by Middle of the Desert 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No there is nothing wrong with asking for 100% honesty. Especially if you are trying to build back trust that was lost. Don't put up with anything or you will just get stuck in a loop.
2007-05-13 02:07:24 · answer #4 · answered by Patrick E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First,, NO ONE should EVER be with someone that feels the need to TEST them in there relationship. That is just stupid.!
Second. as for 100% honesty, If/when you walk out in the most horrid dress that does not fit do you want him to be honest then.? Do you want him to tell you your cooking sucks.?
Being a 100% honest with anyone is never a good thing. You really have to just pick the things you want him to be honest with..
2007-05-13 02:12:01 · answer #5 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well maybe 95% honest. 100% is pretty hard, when you ask him if you look fat in a certain dress, do you really want him to say yes, NO you don't lol. But lying about drinking is a problem. He must be embarrased about how much he drinks, could be a touch of alcoholism
2007-05-13 02:08:36 · answer #6 · answered by Calista 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We all want to be dealt truly, faithfully and sincerely. So your asking for it is genuine. A lie is a lie. We shouldn't do what we would undo if caught.
I believe in being true to my work, my word, and my friend, similar should be your guy. Give your guy time to improve himself, put forward your expectations in an easy way. He will grow with time.
2007-05-13 02:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by Goldman 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well thats not to much to ask for its actually very simple but if hes gona lie about something that small then who knows what else he will lie about but people make mistakes jus makesure he knows your serious!!! good luck with everything
2007-05-13 02:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its you who should make that decision, not yahoo users. You should really think if this individual is worth it. Remember that a lie is a lie, he shouldn't have lied and i really don't see a reason why for that. So it's your decision.
2007-05-13 02:12:33 · answer #9 · answered by its_keeps_getting_better 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're dating a loser that lies.....move on and cut your losses before you become a loser like him....sad to say that cause many "close" people fade away as you get older, but hang on to what your heart contains and hope for the best and put faith in your endeavors in the life you live
2007-05-13 02:08:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋