why doesn't he call me when he says he will? what can i do?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. We have a very loving relationship, and we spend a good deal of time together considering that we both have very crazy work schedules. However, he seems to be incapable of using a phone properly. He says he'll call, he doesn't...it's extremely frustrating, upsetting, and getting to the point on angering. I don't like to talk on the phone long, and a simple call less than 5 minutes is all i am asking on days we don't see each other. I have made this perfectly clear to him. I have explained that it upsets me when he doesn't call me, and it's not fair to me. I have explained it makes me focus on my work less. I have explained these things multiple times. I even asked him if he would prefer to not talk on days we don't see each other, and he replied with a very strong "no, of course not" I am at a loss of what to do next. We rarely argue or disagree, and this is the one issue I see between us. I am 24, he is 27.

Ok, so he's not seeing anyone else and no, I don't think he does it on purpose, but I don't know what else to say to make it clear that this is unacceptable behavior. If I can't count on him to do something simple like call me, how can I count on him for anything even more important?

Ok, perhaps I should ahve added, we have gotten to the point where we discuss marriage, having children, etc (all brought up by him) - making this behavior even more mysterious....

Answer 1

You say you've explained multiple times, so the only answer here is that he doesn't care about your feelings. If he cared, he'd make the effort.

If you can accept that your feelings don't matter to him, then, great, that's what you have

If you feel you are worth more than this apparently has you feeling, perhaps a change of bf is in order.

Answer 2

You are being a little controlling and extremely unbalanced...If your relationship was on the rocks, I would think totally differently. But if you have a strong relationship and he just doesn't call you some days, you are asking a little much out of a man. Give the guy a break, try calling him if you want to talk to him or learn to focus on work without him! Don't tell him that you can't focus on work without him because that gives him control over you and he'll abuse that! If this is your only argument, the joke is on you and get over it. I see a strong and successful relationship if you can overcome this on your own. Leave him out of it, it has nothing to do with him.

Answer 3

You're right...it's not fair. If it's important to you...then it should be important to him. With his continual behavior of still not calling you as you've expressed you'd like him to is a sign that your feelings are not of enough importance to put of value . . . ouch ! . . . :~(.

There are some phrases and awareness's that have guided me to stand in my power that might help you . . .

~ People are going to treat you the way you let them treat you.

~ He (or she) may not be wrong...they're just not right for you.

~ When a man says he was too busy to call you (all day...for days...or all week) . . . my thought if a man cares for me as he says he does than I'm going to cross his mind during the day. If he's busy...it only takes 45 seconds to give me a call and say...."I'm really busy right now...can't talk but wanted to hear your voice and say hi". 45 seconds or 2 minutes out of an ENTIRE day...and the guy does'nt call ? ! ! Not cool.

A suggestion...read the book " He's just not that into you ". I read that book three years ago after I had been dating a certain man for about 7 months that behaved dismissive with me...yet still expressed that he cared for me. A friend suggested I read the book. It was a big eye opener.
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I wish you clarity on this one.
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Answer 4

I treat it somewhat like following up on a job interview, by calling every few days or so but not so much to be a pest or showing desperation, but the main problem is that he's telling you he's gonna call but not following up on it. Sound's like he's got doubts about the relationship or he's feeling guilty/hiding something, since I wouldnt call either if I did something wrong or was having doubts. People don't want to face the ones they hurt.

Answer 5

Bam,
If you have talked about it, either someone is not willing to do that or feels pressured or he did not get it.
Try a couple things. stop asking him to call. if he does call, let him leave voice mail, don't answer the phone.
I would talk to a counselor. you could head off a big problem in the future.
good luck.

Answer 6

I don't want to be debbie downer here, but he does need to care for your feelings and if he can't bring himself to simply call you then he's not that great of a guy!! It's not that hard to call and if he knows that this bugs you then he's being blatently uncaring. Maybe a short break would help him realize what he's missing out on.

Answer 7

I don't think he is doing this on purpose. He probably just forgets, (I know, annoying) but there are worse things he could do. Try to work around it, and good luck ;)

Answer 8

you just want your cake and eat it he should leave your silly retarded *** you must really not know his world already revolves around you enough, and oh yeah take advise from these nobodies and you will end up fat weird and miserable like them

Answer 9

If it upsets you and you can't make him call, then don't be available when he does call. See how he likes it.

Answer 10

He could just be extremelly tired, or feel as if you're smothering him