if theres ever a question to open, please open this one.?

Question

i need help on what to do. or something. i'm not even sure if this is a question.

i've known this guy for one year and recentely it's been getting more intense. he's come over to my house around 11p.m. to surprise me. then he came over last sunday and i went outside and talked to him for a while.

he keeps texting me and IMing me. at first i thought he was getting annoyed by my texts because i'd try to stir up a conversation, but i didn't text him at all tonight, then he finally did. then i didn't IM him at all, and i just got his IM.

i don't know whats wrong with me, i want him to IM/txt me but, then i don't? i'm really trying not to like him because i don't want to be dissapointed...but i can't seem to stop wanting him to talk to me. it seems everytime i get this close to a guy, i mess it up like this. i need to know how to overcome what i'm doing.

i find myself trying not to read his texts right away, or trying not to reply to some of them...but it's hard.

the IM he just sent me...i haven't read. i don't know how to stop this.

this isn't a question on a guy texting me. it's a question on what i should do since i always seems to drive guys away when we get close.

Answer 1

You are building a trap for yourself. The harder you resist, the more strongly you are forced to look.

My guess is that you are giving this guy your heart, but have not told yourself you are doing it yet.

You are emotionally attached. You have shared secrets. You have a "special" relationship.

You cant help yourself from falling because you already fell.

Answer 2

Your problem isn't really that difficult to see. I have been there myself. You care for him a lot more then your willing to admit to. Your afraid if he gets to close to you, He will hurt and betray you. You have had some bad relationships in the past, So every time that you start to get close to someone, You try to push them away. Yes, Your res ponce is a natural defense mechanism. If you really do care for him then you are going to HAVE to LET him get CLOSE!! Love is about taking chances, The pain is bitter and the rewards are sweet. And there is nothing we can do about either one of those facts.
The options are to take a chance and find the love of a lifetime, Or avoid the bitter pain and be lonely. I almost made that mistake myself, And it would have cost me everything. I took the chance , And found the true love of my life. We have been married for 24 years,And four wonderful children. And we are still going strong. If you never take the chance, You will never know..I hope this helped..

Answer 3

I think that the best way to retain a guy's attention is not to be available all the time.
Go out with your friends. Find a hobby or something you enjoy doing.
Leave your phone at home, or turn it off and then you won't be tempted to IM and wait for him to IM you.
Then, after you've had fun with other friends, you won't feel so desperate to wait for his contact with you. I don't mean that in a bad way, you just need to have outside distractions. It might also make you more interesting to talk to. You could then share some of the fun things you've done with him... like discuss a movie that you've recently seen, or a sporting event you've gone to . You might even ask him to go to a concert or a show or exhibit with you.
Good luck.

P.S. men/guys are always attracted to interesting women. You might surprise yourself.

Answer 4

Sounds like a fear of commitment from you... or a concern that someone other than yourself may make you feel more complete. Its logical to want to find yourself not needing others, but pushing away someone due to intensity means you'll set yourself up to be with those who are incapable of peaking your interests in future relationships. Like she says in The Girl Next Door, "Just go with it."
The worst that can happen is it doesnt work out... but you'll never know if you don't at least try. Respond to his texts, get playful, let your guard down. And don't let your lack of knowing the outcome control your appreciation of the present.

Answer 5

It always nice for us females to have some options hanging around that we might wanna date, until we find the right one. Maybe Im wrong, but you sound pretty young, and its hard to meet your soul mate at a young age. It sounds like he might be pushing you too much, and I think you should let him know that you like to take things slow, or he may scare you away. Tell him not to show up and surprise you, so you can keep your options open.

Answer 6

if you want this guy you better start paying more attention to him. Not to say that were needy or anything, but we are reletavly smart. if you ignore him like that then he is going to wise up and think that you dont want ne thing to do with him. if thats what you want then continue but if you want something between you guys you godda be involved. Guys like to be incontroll but there is a fine line between incontrol and doing all the work.

You have to have more confadence in yourself. If you dont give this guy a shot that you wanna be with then your going to mess it up anyways. You will be disapointed in yourself that you didnt take the chance when it was there, so what do you have to loose? on one hand you have dissapointing yourself and on the other you have a chance of being happy. It may not be forever but it just might...so give him a shot I say

Answer 7

You need to open up more. You will never find anyone if you keep closed up like this. Yes you may get hurt, but what is life about if you don't take risks. You should be happy that he is trying to get to know you. If you don't want him then stop sending him mixed messages. Pick Yes or No.

Answer 8

its okay you are scared of the conquences of opening the texts etc up.so maybe this suggests that you are not quite ready for this sort of a relationship or maybe scared of the follow up of the texts etc kind of relationship this will maybe bring.but if you keep in mind that you are in control and you can text at anytime and say that you dont want to be texted to anymore you will be ok.and also you dont have to go outside and definetely confide in a close relative or friend and take it easy dont rush into anything.

Answer 9

If you guys have known each other about a year, its time to talk about your feelings towards one another. Let him know that you like him, and if he doesnt feel the same way, cut your losses and stop wasting your own time sitting there waiting for him. Ive been through this too.

Answer 10

Oh, you're quite difficult! Try to communicate instead of playing games. No one is perfect, so don't be afraid of mistakes, but don't take the poor fellow for a ride.