My mother is 100% pro breastfeeding and my Mother in Law is 100% against it?

Question

I'm in a breastfeeding delimma and I haven't even had my baby yet. What I need to know i- What do I do??

My mother has breastfeed every child she has until atleast 2. My youngest sister and baby brother were breastfeed to 4. I was till I was 3. DON'T BE HOMOPHOBIC. I TURNED OUT JUST FINE AND AM SUPER HEALTHY AND NO I CANNOT REMEMBER BREASTFEEDING. If you don't have something nice to say then don't say anything. THANKS.

I'm not going to be that extreme with breasfeeding my child but I do want to breasfeed, I'm pretty sure.

My mother in Law says breastfeeding is not the right thing to do. She says that it's important to bottle feed or pump or use formula because if something happens someone else can feed my baby. I DO NOT WANT ANYONE ELSE FEEDING MY BABY. I want to feed my baby period. I'm not having a babysitter unless for extreme cases of emergency and I am not putting my kid in daycare. That's just how I feel and his family is pro daycare and working mothers.

I am a cosmotologist but will stop working once I have my baby and will begin again after my child is in School. What should I do? My husband thinks I'm just like my mom. I don't want to be anything like his mom. HELP!!??!! Is this a bad situation or what?

My husband is an only child. She did not breastfeed him and he spent much of his life growing up with his grandmother. I WOULD never allow that to happen with my child. I will be the best mother. I think she doesn't HATE breastfeeding but she just always trys to say stuff like ' breastfeeding is painfull and the babies stay hungry etc. It's not JUST that if I'm away they baby would need a bottle.. it's other stuff too.

Answer 1

Your baby, your life, your decision -possibly with some minor input from daddy on this one.

It is indisputable that breastmilk from the tap is best, the mom's expressed milk is second best, banked milk is third best, and formula is fourth best.

If an EMERGENCY happened, then you would deal. Your baby wouldn't starve. Some moms like to have banked milk in the freezer for emergencies -I just don't believe that is necessary. There is almost never a situation in which you have to pump and dump -there is almost always a safe alternative. Rather than save milk (unless you want to) keep this number in your wallet, this is one of THE BEST sources of information on safety during pregnancy and lactation in the world: Motherisk's Home Line - [phone] (9-5 EST). Using a 10-10 long distance plan will save you money but in an emergency I doubt you will care.

When you choose to wean is up to you, and you may find your opinion changes. Many moms who figured they would wean at a year realise when they get there that 1 year and 1 day, isn't any different than 1 year minus a day so why change everything. You should also know that the American Academy of Family Physicians -among other organizations specifically indicates there is a risk to weaning under two years of age. Not as high as artifical feeding under a year, but still a risk.

My son is 14 months old, I have left him in someone's care once and that was only because my husband really didn't want to miss an event and I didn't think bagpipes indoors were appropriate for an 8 month old. Other than that the furthest I go is the park 4 houses down with the dog. And baby doesn't need a bottle then I just come back.

So do what is right for you and your baby.

Great breastfeeding info:
http://www.kellymom.com

Answer 2

Everyone will have an opinion, especially that generation, because they were told that formula was "just as good" as breastmilk, and discouraged breastfeeding with the lies your MIL is now telling you.
What you do is, do some research on the subject. Make up your own mind. You will come to find that breastfeeding IS really best, and that it is actually easier than formula feeding. It is also 1000% times (or more) better for your baby. There is NO reason you cannot breastfeed full time! If you are worried about the "what if's", then after your baby is a month or so old, pump here and there, so you have a stash in the freezer. No one else needs to feed your baby. That is the mommy's job. And you are right to feel like that!

I have gone through the same thing with my daughter. My mom is totally pro-breastfeeding, but my grandma on my dad's side is SO not. She doesn't agree iwht anything I do, and I just tell her, "you had the chance to raise your kids how you wanted, now its my turn".

Just to let you know, your mom sounds very educated and WAY ahead of her time!! That is so great that you all were breastfed that long! Once you start looking at some research, you will see why! You have a great support person in your life, and take COMPLETE advantage of it! Ignore the rest :)

Also, if you'd like some support from your peers, join the Yahoo!group MilkDrunk. You will love it there, ad we would LOVE to have you join us!

Answer 3

As someone from a pro-breastfeeding family, you probably know that breastfeeding, if you can do it (and most women can, so long as they wait til the milk comes in, which takes a few days and don't start supplementing or bottle feeding too soon to prevent drops in supply or nipple confusion) is a much better start for your baby than formula. Your body will produce the right kind of milk for your unique child, and not something that works okay for every child, and will produce it in the right amount. You also know that breastfeeding is cheaper and more convenient than formula feeding.

Breastfeeding is the best choice you can make, and if not, pumping and using pumped breast milk. If you can't, you can't, and that's okay. If you exclusively breastfeed for the first six or eight weeks, and establish a good healthy milk supply, then you can consider pumping and introudcing a bottle on occasion when necessary.

Find a local la leche league meeting near you, and get more information.

Answer 4

It sounds like you already know what you want to do. I would just ignore the MIL. Your momma must be a great lady...she should be commended for breastfeeding as long as she did. I nursed my son until he was 3 (almost 4) and my 2 1/2 year old daughter is still nursing (I will let her self-wean too). I will say that when my son was born, I never knew I would BF that long. That's just when he decided to wean himself, which I think is the best way to wean. This is such an interesting question, because I often wonder if my daughter will breastfeed her children. I would like to think that because she is breastfed that it will be a natural decision for her to do so. You are absolutely justified in not wanting anyone else to feed your baby. I feel that it is the mother's right to feed her own baby. There are plenty of other things that your MIL and others can do to bond with the baby. As far as leaving your baby with someone, I can tell you that my son was NEVER away from me overnight until he was 5 years old, and then it was only when he was with my parents. I did have to work when he was little, but my parents kept him for me. With my daughter, I work part-time and my parents also keep her. We have never been apart overnight. The great thing about being the parent is that YOU decide what is best for your child. MIL and your hubby's side of the family need to deal with it. And your hubby needs to make the decision RIGHT NOW to stand by your side. Anyway, sorry for rattling on, but I just wanted you to know that whatever you choose will be the right decision.

Edit: I would just like to add that for the people that are saying nursing a toddler is "old-fashioned" or "ancient," I suggest you do some research. Mother's milk is never outdated. Nothing that man can make to nourish a child will EVER come close to breastmilk. A toddler still benefits from his or her mother's milk...it is not like the milk turns to water after a certain age. Seriously, read up on some facts people!

Answer 5

You don't have a feeding problem. You have a competing expert problem.
Breastfeeding children over the age of a toddler is something of an old-fashioned idea. Ideas about infant nutrition have changed since they both had babies.
Chances are your OB will suggest you select a pediatrician before the birth so that the baby's doctor will see the baby before you both leave the hospital. Discuss this with him or her before the birth. You may choose to breastfeed until your child is about a year old or eating solid food. You may choose to stop sooner or later.
The point is, that it should be your decision. Try to see it in a positive light, both the mothers are trying to give you the benefit of their experiences. You turned out okay. Presumably your husband turned out okay. So there, you have living proof that both methods work. Smile, and tell them honestly that you thank them for their input and you will do your best to raise your baby as well as they each did.
(How can they argue with that?)
If pressed, don't committ. Mention that you've been in touch with your pediatrician about it, and that you will work it out.
If from the beginning, you can convince these women that you are willing to listen to their advice, but you will make your own decisions, you will head off YEARS of this infighting.
(It would be really helpful if your husband will back you up here. Clue him in on the plan ahead of time, so he doesn't get blind-sided. New dads can often feel that their opinion doesn't count. It does count, and the sooner he figures out babies won't break, the better things will be for all three of you.)

Answer 6

your mother in law is a prune, you do what you feel is right, it is always best that a child is breast fed if the mother has enough milk. sadly my daughter didnt, but she at least got the first few days in so that the baby got some protection from diseases, mother in law is not god, shes not feeding the child so shes a non entity in this. If anything goes wrong a child will take to a bottle in a couple of days, i think nursing to the age of 2 is ok but beyond that, it can be a little embarassing if they try to pull out the boobie at the mall. you dont want them tied to your apron strings too much, and daycare in small ammounts is great for a childs socializing after age 2, so dont say never, be aware of all the choices so your child has the best of all possible worlds, good luck.

Answer 7

the bottom line is that this baby is yours and your husbands. everyone else should just butt out. tell them that you appreciate their advice, but in the long run, you are going to do what is best for you and your baby. breastfeeding might not have been something that your mother-in-law was into, but that doesn't mean that it has to be the same for you. i have a 4 week old right now. i breastfeed and pump milk also. i will eventually have to go back to work and she needs breast milk because it's the best thing for her. there are nights that my husband will stay up and feed her with a bottle. it's always easier to say what you want to do and plan to do before you have the baby, but that all changes once it's actually here.

Answer 8

Oh hun, what a hassle. The number one thing that you need to remember is that this is YOUR child. Not your mom's and not your mother in law's. Right now, you can't even be sure that you can breast feed. Maybe you can tell your mom in law that fact. I tried and tried, but could not manage to feed my son more than 6 weeks. My sisters, on the other hand, all breast fed with no problem. During child raising years, there was always several of them or sister's in law that were breast feeding, too. There was always milk available for the babies. lol, we have a picture of my sister feeding both her son and my other sister's daughter. They were both about 6 months old and hungry. I think your mom in law has a hang up about this. That's her problem. Don't make it yours. You do what you feel is right for you and your child. Honestly, it's best for the child, it's a feeling of closeness and bonding with your baby that can't be found anyplace else. I'm not taking anything away from those who chose not to, and you do bond with your children, too. Having had to go to bottle feeding, I can say that I missed the little rivers of pleasure, watching my child breast feed.

Answer 9

It's OK. Your MIL is stuck in 1970, but it will be OK. You know what's best for your child. My in-laws hate that I stay home. They happen to be supportive of breastfeeding (even though they think breastfeeding the world's cutest 18 month old is awful). Anyway, it's hard for some people to admit that the choices they made were less than perfect. My FIL doesn't think that carseats are necessary because he can't admit that it was wrong to let his kids roll around loose in the car, even though that's what people did then. Similarly, your MIL bottlefed and won't concede that breastfeeding would have been better. The important thing is that she's not in charge of feeding your baby. It's unfortunate that your husband isn't more supportive, but it's great that you have the support of your family. Seriously, your husband will realize that breastfeeding = no night feedings for him, and he'll be an easy sell. You can do it!

I forgot to say that carseats ARE necessary. Every time. I don't care what my FIL says.

Answer 10

You know what? This is YOUR baby. You do as you see fit. Breastfeeding is the absolute best nourishment that you can give your baby. Don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong. If staying home until your baby starts school is what you prefer, then go for it. Your baby will be so much better off than having some stranger raise him/her. There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay home. After all, being a parent IS the hardest JOB on earth.