Any suggestions for me. My child is being bullied ....?

Question

My son is 8 years old. We moved to a new town last summer right before school started. He has made few friends as he has been shunned and excluded from kids at his school. He was put in a split-class which was a big mistake (grade 3&4). He is also a late birthday in the year. He has tried to make friends but only has a couple. He has not been invited to any birthday parties. He is very depressed. He tries to join group games at school, and the kids his own age say no. I have talked with the principle who has offered no help. Does anyone have any suggestions. I am ready to pull him from school. He has even quit eating lunch at school. He doesn't want to go and his grades are suffering for it.

His teacher has been supportive (but not enough.) She was going to talk to the kids in a lesson about exclusion and inclusion. I have thought about putting him in karate. He is small for his age, which doesn't help. He has his couple of friends here everyday after school and on weekends. But I think even they avoid him a bit at school, because they are picked on too. No one wants to be associated with a bullied kid. Its pathetic. Honestly, I feel like threatening these little pukes myself. I am heartbroken for my son. These kids are missing out (and messing up) a fabulous kid.

Answer 1

I am not a parent and I am sorry for your son. Karate or some type of Taekwondo will work. It is a confidence builder and can work awesome. My little brother was bullied in middle school and it sucked. He got involved in diving and it was the best thing for him.
If you can invite the class to your house or a park for a fun day and see how the kids interact together. U mentioned that you move to a new town last summer so maybe the other kids need a chance to get to know him.
Gt him involved in a boys club through the local church. It is just a great way to meet other kids in community.

Answer 2

meet with the teacher and principal again and mention that if things don't improve then you will pull him from the school. This may be enough to get some action. If not then you could put your child in another school but it could well happen again. Multi age classes are not always a bad thing but if you can get him in a straight grade it may help as there are more kids his age. I amguessing that as you say Grade 3 & 4 you are from Australia. so your school should have a school social worker and psychologist. Get them involved too. Try getting him into an activity that helps him make friends such as Cub Scouts. If the principal is seriously not willing to help then look for a new school but interview the principal on what policies they have in place for kids who are having trouble socially and it may be worth looking Catholic schools as sometimes they are more family friendly than State

Answer 3

Get the specific details about when the bullying takes place (the bathroom, cafeteria, recess, before school, etc.) get the names of the kids who are bullying.

Schedule a time to talk to the principal at the school, give him specific examples. Talk to the teacher, again, giving specific examples. Talk to the school counselor. Talk to the bus driver. The adults need to know when the bullying is taking place and by whom so that they, hopefully, will monitor the situation a little more. If the situation does not improve, I would send a letter to the superintendent with copies to the school board members, outlining the conversations you have had and give examples of the bullying that has taken place each day. I would recommend writing down in a note book, exactly what happended. If you simply say, "my son is getting bullied" they may not fully understand the extent of it. By getting the superintendent involved and the school board, you are more likely to get results. The principal may not like it though.

Try signing your son up for karate so he'll gain more self confidence...in case the bullying becomes physical.

Try signing your son up for soccer, baseball or basketball. That way, he'll be on a team with other kids and they'll be "forced" to play with him. If they have to give your son a chance and they all have fun together, they'll like him. You might also consider having a cook out and invite the kids and parents to your home. The bullies may not be so comfortable bullying your son if they know you know their parents and talk to them/see them routinely.

You could even try talking to the parents. Don't accuse them of being bad parents or knowing what their kid is doing---because they don't. Be tactful; be concerned; be honest, that you are worried about your son and his well being. Don't directly blame the bully, you might say that "your son Max was with a group of boys who were pushing my son around and he came home upset about it". Most parents want to know, and want to correct it, but don't want to believe their kid is capable of that behavior. Maybe suggest a get together so everyone can get to know each other.

Let your son know to hide his feeling and not shy away from the bullies. Bullies get their power from seeing others hide from them or cry. Tell your son to not hide from them or cry because they will only keep doing it because they are getting the results they want.

If all fails, you should consider a private school or homeschooling. There are homeschooling co-ops who can check your lessons and organize field trips. In the end, your son's happiness, well being and education are all that matters and it's your job to ensure it happens.

Good luck. I don't envy you.

Answer 4

Have you spoken to the bully's parents?

You can diplomatically tell them what is going on. Tell them you are concerned about it because your child is so distraught over it.

Maybe even invite the bully (include his parents too!) over to play. Cultivating a friendship with the enemy's parents is a surefire way for them to side with you if their child continues the bullying. If you invited just the bully over, be sure to supervise their playtime at all times.

If the school chooses to do nothing about the bullying, keep going higher up in the food chain until you get satisfaction (first the teacher, then the principal, then the superintendent, followed by the school board members, etc.).

Answer 5

If he is being physically threatened, then this is very serious. Even though I am usually not for homeschooling, you may want to think about doing this, in the short term, in his case. Moving for a kid can be traumatic enough, without he/she having to deal with constantly feeling the fear and pressure of becoming a victim. Since his principal seems not to give a crap about the boy, he desperately needs to know that someone is behind him. Kids can be cruel and vicious at this age, especially if they can find one who is convenient to pick on (They figure better he/she then me).

But, at the same time, you need to let him know that life will be full of changes, and he will need to learn how to deal with them. If you attend church, then try to see what couples there have friends his age, and then try to schedule social events to where your son and they can get to know each other. I would also recommend that you enroll him in some sort of self-defense class, so as he will have the confidence and assurance to take care of himself. Even though I do believe that you should step in now because he is being seriously threatened, he also needs to know that he cannot just go running to mother every time there is a problem with other kids. If word about that gets around, then it will be at least 10 times harder then it is now for he to make friends.

Answer 6

i certainly think you need to meet with his teachers and principal again. if that doesn't work, you need to meet with the superintendent. I don't know if there are any programs in your area, but if you can find one, volunteer at your school to have an assembly with a bullying-awareness assembly. You could try to have a party at his house and invite a few of his old friends maybe or some that you KNOW will come, along with others that may or may not... umm, try to encourage the teacher to be more sensitive to the problem and have a mini-lesson in the class to promote tolerance, acceptance and frinedship. I am a teacher and I had a lot of bullying in my class, so I did a lesson where each student wrote adjectives to describe themself on a piece of paper. then, they folded it so no one could see and passed them around the room. then other students wrote on the papers to descrivbe other students. It was great for the kids to see postive things said about them. I know its hard b/c I was bullied in school-- and now I'm a teacher, but unfortunately we're slow in transition in recognizing bullying. Also-- definately record EVERYTHING going on to show your superintendent. good luck!

Answer 7

You didn't explain how he's being bullied, and why he's being shunned.

Without enough bully information, it sounds like what you've described here is that your child is just having problems adjusting to the new situation, and making friends. How could every kid shun or exclude him? If this is the case, be open to taking a look at your child.

My child was being bullied by one child not everyone. We tought my child to be stronger and stand up to the kid, now he's standing up for other kids!!!!!

Don't remove him from the situation, teach him how to deal with it. That's life.

Answer 8

Yes, KARATE, definitely. But, make sure to observe the school to make sure they are really teaching in a manner of which you approve.
Also, practice every day with your son how to use proactive language. For example, if he is being picked on and whines, "Stop it..." that will only encourage the bullies. But, if someone is pestering him and he says in a loud voice, "You can't do that to me!" they will probably stop because he is taking away their power. You will have to practice this many, many times because children who are picked on have trouble "turning the tables". Make sure the language puts the "guilt" back on the person doing the pestering or bullying with "you" statements. ("you can't do that to me!,You have to stop that right now!" ) And make sure his body language exudes confidence as he makes these statements.
Also, help him nurture those few friendships he does have with weekend playdates. It is better to have one or two close friends than to try to be part of a group that does not really care about you.

Answer 9

I had the same problem in school for a long time. The only real way that i overcame it was that i ignored what they said about me if it was verbal and if it was physical I stood up for myself. Just dont let your kid go beating up everyone who looks funny at him. Also if he has an older brother who has a secure group of friends then try to get the brother to include your son more in activities. Get your son to invite the friends he does have over to his house and let them watch a movie or play around.

Answer 10

First, go to the superintendant of the school dist., and let him/her VERY aware of how the principle is NOT doing the job of taking care of this the proper way. Yes, karate classes would be good, it teaches respect, and not to fight unless absolutely necessary. You may also want to mention to the superintendant that this needs to be taken care of asap, that there are other students being affected by this bull as well. If the superintendant has the "let them work it out themselves" attitude, go to the gov. of your state, and the the school board. And, definitely look into home schooling your son if things don't quickly improve. The parents of this bully need to be made aware of their child's behavior, and correct it at home as well as at school. I wish you and your son the best. Take care.