People have treated me like **** all my life.?

Question

I have been treated poorly by all my family, including my parents. I have been verbally, physically and sexually abused. How am I supposed to forgive them? I can say it, but I don't feel it.

Answer 1

huggggg-i am going out to pray for you-i have got a feeling coming on me sickening in my stomach feeling your feelings, Ruby-I will tell you what you need to do-it will be easy once you get it too. and it will make perfect sense too. it is 11:12 pm right now

OK -this is what I got-alot of people here will tell you many things-mostly to forgive-I see you have already tried this but dont fell it. The key no one has hit on here is -God's side in forgiveness-"Vengence is mine I will repay saith the Lord."
there is a song "When I hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battles, Victory oh victory shall be mine."
the abuse needs to be reported, and then let it go. Let Jesus beat em up, as long as you hold a grudge it will eat your heart out. I am single today because my x couldnt forgive her father for his physical and verbal abuse-and another member of her family for sexual abuse. She refused counseling for this and after 2 years we recently broke up with her telling me she would always love me, she had cheated on me and came back crying, I cried too-I forgave her but she couldnt forgive herself. We both didnt believe in sex till marriage thank God-so I never lost my peace and joy in Jesus-even in the midst of the depression i have felt.
I dont dwell on this because it would grieve my heart-and I already grieved through it-I am only saying this because you bared your heart here. You can message me and I will do my best to walk you through forgiveness-it may take a day or a life time, but I can asure you, you will have peace in your heart even when tears come.

Life is worth living-you have a bright tomorrow-a caring in heaven father and loving Jesus heart and soul.

Its 1138 now, what you do now is up to you-and I will honor any decision you make-David

Answer 2

Often times abusers were themselves abused. Maybe you could look into or discreetly inquire about it. It may help you. You may run into complete denial of what was done to them and what they have done to you. If so then seek out someone who has had a similar life experience who was able to forgive from the heart. I hope you never treat anybody badly in the future but there may come a time when you would desire forgiveness and hope that you are forgiven by the offended from the heart and not just with words. Compassion is learned.

Answer 3

I have been abused like that too ALL my life. By my parents and all my family. I truly forgive them from my heart, but it is not easy to do, especially when some or all of them are still doing it. My mother still does it, at least it is still verbal and emotional and not the other anymore... but still, she is somewhat dangerous. I forgive her, but I do not fear her and I don't put any trust in her anymore, because that would do nothing but bring more harm to me and I can't afford it anymore especially since I have health issues now. (My mother is also into witchcraft which is weird and of course is not healthy). Anyway, forgiveness from your heart will probably be impossible without G-d's help. I would suggest you ask G-d to surround you with His protection as you learn to fully rely on Him and put all your trust and fear in Him so that there will be no place for any other kind of fear or hurt and so that He can heal your wounds. With healing and learning to lean fully on G-d comes true forgiveness. Be patient with yourself and give yourself as much time as you need away from unhealthy situations and let G-d guide you with when and how much contact is safe. You won't be able to be much help to yourself or anyone else in your life if you are continually in danger. Anyway, I know this is easier said than done, but don't be afraid to continually put your complete trust in G-d, so that noone and nothing else will have any power over you. You will see then, that G-d will protect you and KEEP you safe, because HE truly loves you.

Answer 4

Ruby,

There are lots of good people out there. The only thing I can suggest is what Christ taught: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"...and you will start running into them (if you haven't already).

Forgiveness, real forgiveness is a tricky thing. Since you have already uttered the words, don't take them back, but give yourself time and space to heal.

Ask God to remove the pain, and protect you from further harm. When you look for others in pain, you will find that your example of survival and healing will be a tremendous help to them.

Answer 5

Forgivness does not come lightly. You can't force it or make it happen. Its something you have to work toward and through. For example. I HATE my mother in law. Sure she is dead and I should get over it. But like it or not she was cruel heartless woman who scarred all of her children in a way that will never heal. I have accepted this and am working through it. Have I forgiven her? Nope, not yet. But I hold onto the hope that I will for no other reason then hate is only hurting me, no one else. I doubt she cares a fig what I think.
Don't rush yourself. Just work through it. It will either come or it won't. But make peace with it either way. You can't change the past, only live with it. Its made you who you are. Don't ever regret that.

Answer 6

I was abandoned by my father when I was 8 years old, and I hated him for 23 years after that. I swore that if he ever would show up at my door I would kick his face in. He drank, wasted money on cards, shacked up with other women and never spoke to us in any way other than yelling and cursing.

At the age of 31, Jesus Christ forgave me for every time I cursed in His name and for every evil thing I had done - and that was a large list! Then Jesus taught me to forgive my father. He showed me that if He could forgive me for all I did against Him - then I should forgive my father for all he did against me. I listened, and it took a great burden off me.

Forgiveness is a choice. Emotions are up and down all the time. Don't depend on your feelings.

If you don't know the Lord Jesus ask Him to forgive you of your sins first. Then He will show you how to forgive others just like he showed me.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear how you have been treated. I too am a survivor of molestation & verbal & physical abuse. I learned how to forgive by the example set by Christ. Once you are able to feel the forgiveness as well as say it, you will feel the chain lifted from your heart. I have forgiven my molester & been able to recognize that it is his disease & not mine. I know this sounds like a cliche', but you need to learn how to love yourself.

Answer 8

Forgiveness isn't for them.

Bear with me, for a story.
There once was a priestly order that totally avoided all contact with women. They would not talk about them, look at them, or even think about them (you can imagine how that tortured them, yet they did their best).
One day the head priest and the others were taking their monthly trip to the nearby town to get supplies. It was a source of great discomfort, but they worked with the merchants at the edge of the town who hid their women at that time our of respect for the priests' wishes.

As they approached a river they normally waded through, they noticed that on a small island/reef in the middle of the river was a woman, her clothing torn, a broken saddle lying next to her, sitting and crying.

The priests turned their head, moved to another part of the river, crossed, and looked to their master to take the lead again. They could not find him.

Looking back, they saw him reach the island, pick up the woman, carry her to the far bank, bow to her, and wade back through the river to his students.

They proceded to town, got the supplies, and went back to the temple.

For a week the students struggled with staying silent. When they could remain silent no longer, they talked amongst each other about the event, amazed, frightened, angry that their master had done such a thing.

Finally, they could take no more. After two weeks, they sent the top student to talk to the master.

He met the teacher who was standing in his room, alone.
The student approached, bowed, and stumbled over what he would say, trying to find a polite and indirect way to broach the subject.

Then he blurted out, "You touched a woman! You have broken one of our vows! You looked at her! You bowed to her! She has contaminated you!"

The master looked at his student curiously, uncomprehendingly, then suddenly a light appeared and he seemed to remember something. He started walking around his student, studying him carefully, top to bottom.

Eventually, when the student seemed to have reached the edge of impatience, he stopped and looked in the student's face.

The teacher said, "I put the woman down two weeks ago. Why are you still carrying her?"

Forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you.
When you get tired carrying them, you will.

Answer 9

I would say You have done what God"s Word says,It takes a lot to Offer Thanks when ,it looks like You have been in A
Test that Few can relate to, That is why You can offer up Thanks to God,It is A Sacrifice of Praise,Some can Sing it,But can they when They are in the Lowest Valley,God can use You ,to be of Great Help in this Age .Satan has turned all Hell Loose/Remember Salvation comes with Scars and Wrinkles, So find Scripture at least Two and when the Enemy is bringing up Past say what God Says.also when You are reminded of something in Your Past,Tell Satan where He is
going ,the abyss. When We as Believers allow Hate to grow
demons will try to keep you there, Don"t allow it, by the words you speak.

Answer 10

I can't say how exactly, but I can tell you why.

We often think of forgiveness as pardoning or excusing someone, in essence telling them it's ok what they did.

But there is another type of forgiveness, and that is renouncing your anger, hurt, and resentment. Until you can free yourself from what has happened to you, the pain will be in control of you and not the other way around.

I look at it as not so much you forgiving *them*, but you forgiving yourself... and then moving forward with *your* life without their destructive behaviors bringing you down ever again.

Answer 11

In my own opinion, I believe that you should seek some counsling to deal with the trauma of going through what you have. You can say it all day long, but when someone does a horrible thing to you, believe me I know how hard it is to really and truly forgive. I believe that with counsling, and spending time in prayer with God, that you will be able to find forgiveness in your heart. Best of luck to you!