I have recently started seeing a guy, who has told me he still has contact with an ex-partner and does not care how I feel.
He has no children with this ex-partner and from what he has told me his ex partner had left him twice. When he told me he did not care about my feelings I tried to break up with him and stated he needed to sort himself out. He got scared and said he wanted to be with me, and that his feelings for his ex where dead and buried but he still continues to discuss his ex then accuses me of not puting any effort into the relationship or opening up to him more, He has continued to discuss what he did in his past with his ex each time they were together then compares me to her and has a huge smirk on his face each time he discusses her.. My confidence and self esteem are truly gone. Each time I have told how I feel by the way he treats me he just looks straight through me and tells me to stop carrying on. what should I do?
2007-05-12 14:50:50 · 18 answers · asked by lou20 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hang his butt up to your rear view mirror and wave goodbye...
2007-05-12 14:55:03 · answer #1 · answered by Spartacus34 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are too many red flags that this will NOT be a happy or successful relationsip with this guy. He's a nut case and u should run, he doesn't want to let go of his ex partner( by the way when u say parnter that make me wonder if he's gay)because straight people would say ex boyfriend, girlfriend, wife or husband. So may I ask is he gay?
Anyway he's the one who's not putting in any effort, he's trying to make u think and feel as if ur the one who has the problem. If he's still in love with his ex and is saying he's scare u should be scare as well ( scared) to try to start a relationship with this person.
U need to move on into a healty and happy relationship with someone who's over they're ex and who's not scared.
Good Luck
2007-05-12 15:02:24 · answer #2 · answered by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dump him! It sounds like he's trying to get therapy for free. Are you a therapist? No offense, but I don't think so. I'm going to star this question because one of the members of my network is a psychologist and another seems to be a survivor or an abusive marriage. The smirk gives him away in my opinion. He is a sadist. No wonder his Ex dumped him. You should consider getting rid of him - without the drama. Change your cell phone number, and do whatever it takes. In the future it is better to have a mutual understanding right from the start about not discussing former partners and spouses too much. This will prevent people from feeling like they are being compared and don't measure up to someone who is out of the picture. You sound quite sensitive. Please try to honor your feelings and intuitions about these kinds of things.
2007-05-12 15:04:53 · answer #3 · answered by Zelda Hunter 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might wanna get out before things get worst. You never want a man that can't make you feel special. He doesn't deserve you. He really sounds like he may have some issues and maybe he jumped into the relationship with you too soon after he broke up with his ex-girlfriend. That is never a good thing. You don't want to be compared to his girlfriend for the rest of your life while she is sitting on a pedestal.
2007-05-12 15:03:45 · answer #4 · answered by fantasia_brown 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What should you do?Why anything you want my dear.If you dont like the way he is treating you then tell him about it.Seeing he has already said he doesnt care about your feelings and insists on having contact with this woman, tell him he can see her MORE now.Tell him it is OVER and thenmaybe he will learn not to act like this with the next girl.Otherwise you have a taste of the what this relationship will be from here on out hon.
The truth is he has a lot of emotional baggage and is hurting and has some animosity towards all women.He needs counseling.
2007-05-12 14:56:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Break up with him,If someone constantly makes you feel bad you should totally leave the situation because this could have long term effects on you. I think that he still has feelings for ex, b/c he is always beating you over the head with her. He's the psycho, not u. I don't think your situation is healthy, and it isn't fair to you. I think that when you get with soneone it should be a clean slate, he has too much baggage and clearly still cares for her. What if she decides to get back with him, he'll dump u to be with her. Save yourself alot of tears and just leave him alone.
2007-05-12 14:56:57 · answer #6 · answered by trickortreat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that it's acutal abuse, but it certainly shows a complete lack of consideration!! Sounds like he's a complete jerk... Maybe you're his ace in the hole.... his "just-in-case". Just in case his ex won't take him back, he won't be alone, b/c he has you.
Next time he starts talking about Ms.X, interrupt and start talking about your ex, how much better than Mr Current the last guy was. When Mr Current gets all pissy about it, ask him how it feels.
"Well, honey, if you don't like it, think about how I feel. You've been talking about your ex since day one. I'm sick of it. Do you want to be with her or me? If you want to be with her, pack up and enjoy. I'll just call a locksmith to change the locks *smile sweetly*.... If you want to be with me, you need to start taking my feelings into consideration, and start right NOW."
"I'll quit "carrying on" as soon as you quit "carrying on" about your oh-so-fabulous ex. BTW- If she's so great, why are you with me??"
Walk away... As soon as he says her name, stand up and walk away. Leave the room, restaurant, store, go for a drive... whatever. Don't talk about it, just leave. When he asks why you left, "You seemed to be having such a nice time with your memories, I don't want to interrupt."... and keep walking.
Ultimately, you need to decide if the hurt is worth it. Sounds like not. Leave him.
2007-05-12 15:06:46 · answer #7 · answered by Next Up 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's using his conversations about his EX as a way of CONTROLLING you----if he starts off being a control freak in the BEGINNING of your relationship, that should be a BIG RED FLAG to leave him ASAP.... if he wants a NEW girlfriend, then he should DUMP all the emotional baggage from the OLD one before he started up with YOU... he obviously has not and now uses his conversations about her to YOU as a means to controll YOU... He's screwed in the head but if you STAY with him, YOU will be the one getting screwed in the head.... Walk out now before you get in any deeper with him...
2007-05-12 15:01:08 · answer #8 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time for you to lose this guy already. He has no care or concern for your feelings and you deserve better. He seems to be unable to let go of the past and there is NOTHING you can do to change that till he is ready.
Why would you want to be with a guy that tells you he does not care about your feelings anyway.
He sounds like a JERK.
2007-05-12 14:55:14 · answer #9 · answered by Perfect_Brat 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds abusive in a way and sounds like you are being used to fill the void she left in him he( in my opinion because ive been there) is still hung up on her and cant move on yet! I would get clear of him and let your own heart heal before you get dragged into his muddied up world of delusions and cant get free! It will take him time but perhaps someday he will move on. You wont find true love when he loves someone else---even a memory! better to be alone then a fill in for another women-----good luck
2007-05-12 15:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by daniel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy said than done but i say get out..there are guys out there who will treat you like a queen rather than his second hand tool..he is trying to get back with his ex yet is keeping you in-case he gets knocked back..he is with u to see his ex's reaction..babe get out and move on i swear you will be surprised how much nicer guys are than that stupid Jerk. Good Luck.
2007-05-12 14:57:08 · answer #11 · answered by babygirl07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋