when I got piss ed off I sent my mother in law an email telling her how hurt I was that she forgot my daughter's birthday. My mother in law has sent me two emails now making excuses and bit ching. She basically blames me and now is completely pissed off at me for bringing it up. I am so angry that she has turned this back on me, not caring about how her actions have affected my daughter. Till this day she hasn't wished my daughter a happy birthday. I have vowed now to step back and stay away from my mother in law. (this isn't the first time she has forgotten an important holiday with my girls, and they are starting to notice) I have even vowed to not give or recieve anything for her for mother's day. Is this right? Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Should I just say "oh, well she doesn't care it's my daughter's birthday" and give her something for mother's day pretending she's the greatest grandmother? Does everyone have problems with their mother in law too??!!
2007-05-12 12:23:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have five grandchildren, and know exactly when their birthdays are, but every once in a while I've narrowly missed getting a card or gift in the mail on time -- and sometimes the day slips right by. It makes me feel bad, but it can happen, and for all kinds of reasons that have NOTHING to do with how a grandma feels about a child (or the in-law parent, for that matter).
If you don't know for an absolute fact that she slighted your daughter deliberately, I'd take a step back. Your reaction and desire to retaliate aren't sending your daughters the best message on how to deal with people who disappoint.
You may not want to do anything much to observe Mother's Day because of the recent e-mail exchange, and you needn't pretend she's wonderful because she obviously knows otherwise, but a card -- signed from all of you -- would be a gracious thing to do, and perhaps give her something to think about.
2007-05-12 13:17:10 · answer #1 · answered by Clare † 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would think if she inadvertently forgot her granddaughters b-day, that she would be very apologetic and really try to make sure you understood it was a mistake. I don't know if you somehow insulted her in your email, but if you just plainly told her that she forgot and your daughter felt hurt by it, then it seems a little too defensive on her part. You should ask her how SHE wants you to explain to your daughter that "Grandma" FORGOT your b-day! Tell her it is your daughters feelings that are the what is important here and does she want you to keep making excuses for her, or should you just tell them "If you get a gift or card from Grandma, then be glad for that, and if you don't, then only Grandma knows the reason". As for the Mothers day thing, Just be polite and show your daughters the example you want to set for them, and this tells them also that we can be gracious and thoughtful, even if others are NOT the same way. Best Wishes.
2007-05-12 19:43:46 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a great relationship with my mother in law... she's in her 70's but her personality is great but does sometimes forget birthdays... so i understand when she doesn't call... when my husband brings it up about our kids' birthdays, she'll end up sending something later so i don't get mad because of her personality...
But in your case, sounds to me you and your mother-in-law have a bit of a personality conflict... I don't see how she can blame you for her forgetting to send gifts... I totally don't believe you are making a big deal out of nothing. I would be mad too... She sounds like a b*tch. No I certainly wouldn't pretend she's the greatest grandmother.
I have had a similar situation but it is with my stepdaugther... LONG story, but i've had enough of her and have since NOT sent her a damn thing for her birthday, or any other occasion except for this past christmas... I sent her and her husband 2 pillar candles that costed me about $3 together.. Yea it's mean but oh well... she shouldn't have been a b*tch to me... I'm still very angry at her and should let it go but sometimes you just got to say, F*** it! Don't u agree???
2007-05-12 19:34:38 · answer #3 · answered by Girl Next Door 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the problem.
I don't think your mother-in-law intentionally forgot your daughter’s birthday. As people get older, the tend to forget things and as a knee jerk reaction lash out at those of us who call them on it. If you had a pimple on your nose and your best friend kept pointing it out to you, wouldn’t you get defensive?
What values do you want to teach your children? Is teaching them how to be spiteful a good value or is showing them how to be compassionate for those who disappoint us a better one.
Buy her a nice Mother’s Day card or present and let her off the hook. Everyone will be better off.
2007-05-12 19:34:02 · answer #4 · answered by whiner_cooler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she really did just forget. Next time, remind her, (or have your husband remind her) a few days before your childrens' birthdays. Go ahead and give her a Mothers Day gift. I do not have problems with my M I L - it is easier to just keep the peace and let some things "slide".
2007-05-12 19:29:24 · answer #5 · answered by NAN G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd stay away from her to. my hubbys dad and step mom did the same thing to my 4 yr old. so we're not talkin to them or anything. if i was u id go about my life with out starting any conversation with her. if she wants to see ur girls bad enough she needs to make the effort to see them or at least call them on holidays. and i wouldnt pretend shes the greatest grandma. buy her something thats cheap and get a card that doesnt even mention being a great grandma. thats what i did.lol. i always have problems with her.
2007-05-12 23:50:31 · answer #6 · answered by marieandsameverett 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unless your mother-in-law is developing memory problems, a good guess would be that she does not share your investment in your children to the same degree as you. You may have to consider adjusting your expectations accordingly. It would be wise to help your children do so as well. As for remembering her on Mother's Day, you should recall that she is your husband's mother, not yours, and act accordingly.
2007-05-12 20:35:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you know what? my mil has forgotten my kids b-days many times. i don't care. my kid's don't even think about it. they are thought of by us and that's what really matters. my mil can't even remember her own kid's b-days. hell, she doesn't even know what day my husbsnd was born on. i'd forget about it. it's not worth your aggravation.
2007-05-12 20:38:10 · answer #8 · answered by racer 51 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋